Give and Take...

Physics teaches that for each action there is an equal and opposite reaction. The corresponding cultural axiom is the concept of give and take. Society is balanced because there are givers and takers. Unfortunately, it is not a healthy balance, for the takers prey on the givers and will take and take until the givers have nothing left. We call them by all sorts of names; Type A personalities, go-getters, ambitious, focused, or the other extereme, soft, enablers, patsies... For most of my life I was a loner; emotionally closed off from society, self-imposed walls to protect myself from myself and others. It wasn't until these last five years or so, as I have consciously tried to be more open and authentic, that I have ventured from behind those walls. For you see, I'm a giver, and I know what it is to be taken advantage of...
An example: I've often helped out people in need. Whether family or friend, or sometimes even a complete stranger, I have been willing to share the blessings God has given me with those in need. Usually, especially if a significant amount, those I've helped have repaid the debt. Yet I've developed the mindset that when I lend I must be willing to accept that money as gone, that it may never be repaid, because money is never worth a friendship or relationship. Well, I heard of a young couple who had a need and I offered to help them out if they wanted. One day I received a call from them and they set up a meeting. The bottom line was they asked for three times the amount of money I had originally offered to help them. And I gave it to them, because they said it was what they needed to kick-start his "second" career and give them the life they envisioned. They promised to repay- it was a loan and they would make good, if I would only trust them.
A year has gone by and I have attempted to keep in touch, writing a number of times and asking how things are going. I see his website for his new career, and can see he's doing pretty good, and yet I haven't heard a word from them. They've totally ignored me, made no effort to repay the many hundreds of dollars they took with the promise to repay. Takers. The money isn't the issue; I lent it knowing I may not get it back. What hurts is their total lack of response, their severing of relational ties with their silence for the sake of money.
I find that being a giver can be relationally devestating too. I know how to give, how to determine needs and desires then seek out ways to meet them. But I find that relationships flow like rivers- most often it's one way. I know there are things I need, want, and desire within the context of a relationship, but attempting to communicate those things to a taker is like trying to swim upstream against the current. It's no wonder I spent much of my life behind my walls- I'm learning it's much less painful to not expect anything from people than to put myself out there just to have hopes disappointed... Sorry, but tonight I'm very disillusioned and somewhat pessimistic towards my fellow man (and woman)...