A personal note...

A personal note in this Christmas season... Today is my daughter Ashley's 21st birthday... We lost Ashley at birth, and I never got to know this daughter I love so much. My thoughts are with you today Sweetheart... Daddy loves you and each day draws me closer to that day I will see you and know you...

As I reflect on this past year my heart is sad for another reason, for I lost another that I loved so deeply in my heart, though not lost through death, but in life, and living... I ended a long relationship early this year, because of the inability to control temper, and the ultimate unhealthiness that it created. I drew a line, and the line was firm, and it was breeched, and it was over. My closure has been difficult for there was much good in this relationship that was left behind, but in leaving there was grace also, for God, in his mercy, revealed so clearly that my love was sacrificial, it was good and pure, and it was one-sided. Love isn't rude, or angry, or selfish, or a keeper of a record of wrongs. All these things are the fruit of uncontrolled temper, not love. Can I believe that her love existed in good times? Just as certainly there was no love when her temper ruled her words and actions.
So this is my closure to you, though you will probably never know my words these many months later. My heart realizes the importance to move forward, to continue on with life. I love you, and will probably always love you for the good in you, and choose to forgive you, for not to forgive would ultimately hurt me the most. Yet I recognize that the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior, so I tell you good-bye, and pray you find that happiness that seems to elude you. As for me, I'll seek, and ultimately find, that precious lady who can and will appreciate the many facets of who I am, who is not afraid of a man of substance, of depth...