I've never been shy about admitting my being relationally challenged, but it's taken some time for me to figure out why there are times I just prefer to be alone than in a relationship. I've been divorced some time now and while single I have participated in several relationships, each in turn running its course. I finally figured out that which I dislike most about relationships: I hate the feeling I get when I disappoint. It doesn't matter if I've not been "wrong", per se, to cause that rotten feeling, it just matters that I failed to perform in such a way that pleased my mate... It's those times, when I felt I tried, but it wasn't good enough, that I found little pleasure in my relationship... It's those times that I felt it better to be alone...
From time to time I've shared my feelings on relationships, on occassion my opinion has been sought out by those dealing with difficulties of one kind or another, but this time, as I seek answers, who will answer me? Why does feeling that I've disappointed make me feel like a failure? Even those times I've tried, but still disappointed, when my best efforts were not enough and met with disappointment, I feel terrible. Why? Shouldn't the effort to please be acknowledged, isn't that attitude of disappointment a selfish reaction from my mate? Perhaps for some only the end product is all that matters, the destination more important than the journey. Perhaps that is a difference, for I've found that life is in the journey...
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