Father's Day thoughts...

I had an opportunity to digress a bit yesterday, to amble a bit down Memory Lane, and at one point found myself at a quaint little place that housed those memories I had from my early twenties. I think it was there, at that point in my life, that I came to a realization that I fear kids sometimes take way too long, if ever, to come to. And it is specifically about my parents.

I had always thought of my parents as just Mom and Dad and up to this point didn't think of them as "people" like me, with hopes, and dreams, and fears, and insecurities. They were always "there" and I think I expected them to always be there. My dad was successful, accomplished, sure of himself. Mom was always wise and loving, and comforting. But one day I saw my dad as a person, just like me. He was worried about the future, about his future- almost to the point of being afraid. It profoundly shocked me and rocked those previously unshakable foundations of my world...

I was unsure of myself- I was young, I was facing the world on my own, with a young wife, a baby on the way, and I kept wondering, "Do I have what it takes? Can I provide for my family? Will I be successful, or will I fail?" I felt like I lived at a point of constant crisis... Then I saw my dad, who'd quit a stable job to go into business for himself, facing these same fears, these same questions. That day my dad lost some of that "superhero" status in my mind, that "Dad isn't afraid of anything" status, but he became real, and it allowed me to appreciate so much more how much he'd accomplished in the face of such fears. That day was the beginning of a whole new level of appreciation, and a whole new chapter in our relationship began to unfold- my dad became real, and in becoming real, he became my friend.

I can only pray that one day, hopefully sooner than later, my kids (especially my boys) will come to that realization that I'm human too, filled with my own hopes and dreams and longings and desires. I can only hope that they stop measuring me against the impossible standards for parents we tend to set in our adolescence and allow me to be human, to err, to live as one of them. Perhaps then they might discover I'm more than a dad- I can be a pretty good friend too...