Island Community...

I sometimes think I am strong, an island, capable of standing alone through the storms of life. A few months ago I walked away from a woman I love because she was incapable of loving me back, because for any relationship to survive there needs to be a mutuality of giving... It was perhaps one of the most difficult things I've had to do, yet I did it to protect my heart... I thought I could weather the pain and disaster of the situation alone, and indeed I fooled myself into believing I was handling it well, but my God knew better...

A good friend, far better than I could ever have imagined, came from New York to visit me this past weekend, in part because she knew how deeply a wound of the heart can be, for she's grieved through her own. She spent the weekend just being my friend, listening to countless memories from a relationship now dead, mostly just listening and being there, occassionally sharing or counseling out of the experience of her wounds... And I learned once again, I am not an island, I lose something special trying to stand alone. There is nothing more comforting than community when we deal with grief. Our most base response is to squirrel ourselves away, and be alone with our misery. But community allows our grief, our burden to be shared, shared by others who care, who are compassionate and empahetic, and it is lessened, lighter, easier to bear...

I read once that even though we might be living in present pain or disaster that after grieving through our pain we can and will live again. The secret lies in our response to our pain. if we choose to allow it, our pain can narrow the generosity of our heart, and can make us too self-protecting, too careful, or it can make us more sensitive, more helpful, more generous. It all depends on the creative response to our heart, our pain, our grief... I believe that this past weekend I again learned a valuable lesson- community gives us a much better chance of responding positively to such powerful negative emotions and situations... Community gives hope of a better tomorrow, of a brighter future, of the opportunity to live creatively in the present despite pain and grief... So to my friend I give heartfelt "thanks" and an undying gratude for your selfless act of reaching out to me... You are greatly appreciated...