Relationships...

I wrote a couple of blogs on inequitable relationships and I am amazed at how many people visit my blog specifically searching out information on just that subject. For many, for the most part, relationships seem to be difficult and yet they really shouldn't be. Yes, relationships take effort, but they shouldn't be difficult, they shouldn't be so much work. So why are they?

I believe relationships tend to be difficult because one or both parties tend to be self-focused, even selfish in what they want out of the relationship. The focus is ME, and how can I meet my needs. When the basis of the relationship is self centered one or both sides get emotionally drained or starved and ultimately the relationship fails. And yet we try again, and again. Why? Because we are afraid to be alone.

Our society breeds loneliness, for it moves at such at rapid, self-gratification pace that we don't take the time to learn how to properly develop relationships. And yet we are social creatures, created for community, so we crave the company of others. We crave intimacy, and yet we don't know how to nurture it. We long to meet our most basic desires without the proper skills for success. We even sometimes find ourselves staying in relationships that are harmful to us because the fear of being lonely is greater than the fear of being abused. And yet, we never learn that there is a difference in being alone and being lonely, for all too often we can find ourselves "lonely" within the context of a relationaship...

So what is the key to a successful relationship? It is the very thing that can create inequitable relationships, if one party or the other remains "self" centered. The key to success is to be "other" centered, to put the good will of the other ahead of ourselves. This is where it takes effort, for we've been programed by society to look out for "me" first. It feels foreign to put another ahead of our wants, but when we learn to do just that we learn how immensely satisfying it can be. There is a certain joy in giving, a satisfaction that is fulfilling. When both parties in a relationship are "other" oriented our needs are unselfishly met, even as we unselfishly meet the needs of our partner. As the relationship grows it becomes increasingly easier to give, especially when we are given to, and the effort becomes easier, rather than more difficult... Relationships don't have to be difficult, if we learn to adjust and adapt our focus off ourselves.

The most successful person in history at relationships was selfless, giving beyond measure, even to the point of sacrificing his very life out of his love for us. There is no greater teacher than Jesus Christ, and emulating Him in our relationships is a receipe for success... Food for thought,,,