Emotions are a real conundrum, for we rely on our feelings to guide us, yet there is nothing more unstable, and often faulty as our emotions. All too often we act, not on logic or fact, but on our feelings. We do what feels right, we get in relationships because it feels rights, or we act because our "gut" tells us to. Sometimes we get pensive, even afraid to act, even though logic dictates that is the correct choice. Sometimes we are ambushed by our feelings...
Relationally, we must realize that feelings have validity. Whether right or wrong, if one feels a certain way those feelings are valid and must be addressed. A common mistake, when confronted with "faulty feelings" from our partner, is to get defensive or to point out the error of those feelings. Wrong tactic! Something has triggered those feelings and first the feelings need to be validated, then dealt with (ie. "I'm sorry you feel angry/hurt/betrayed. What did I do that made you feel that way, so I can try to avoid doing so in the future?"). Acknowledging and dealing with the feelings can allow one to get past them to the core issue that truly caused them. Feelings are often a symptom of a deeper core issue or fear that may not even be related to our relationship, but certain words or actions can trigger the faulty response. We can learn these triggers and avoid them (and potential future conflict) by validating feelings and dealing with them effectively.Recognizing that our own feelings may sometimes mislead us can be huge in both personal and relational growth. Seeing ourselves realistically doesn't make us less of a person, indeed it can help us grow exponentially as a person, helping us to better reach our potential, personally, relationally, and within our own personal world. Food for thought...
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