The Empty Nest...

The Empty Nest Syndrome has ambushed relationships for a number of years now, mostly since family have gotten away from the extended family and to the more nuclear family structure. In a nutshell, a couple marries, has kids, the kids grow up and one day move out on their own and the couple finds that they no longer know their spouse, that the glue holding the family together was the kids, and now they're gone. This group makes up the second highest rate of divorce, second only to couples who have been married two years or less (the honeymoon is over group). But the "Empty Nest" syndrome doesn't just affect couples, indeed, any home that has their child or children move out is vulnerable to strong emotional reactions. Some are happy to see the kids go, ready to start a new chapter in life, others are greatly distraught and in extreme cases a person can even go through a period of grieving and adjustment at their loss.

I found myself deep in self-reflection tonight, for my daughter and niece came to visit, and after they left I ran across an old photo album while searching for something else. My daughter just got married in early June, the last of my three kids to leave the nest, then I lost my best friend, my Yorkie, Winston in late June. As I sat there and looked at the pictures of my children- from babies to young adulthood- I realized I have spent the better part of my life- some 30 years now- pouring into my children. I was a good dad when married, I had primary physical custody when divorced, and my focus was on raising my kids. I didn't spend a lot of time dating, or in relationships for myself; my primary functions were working and raising my kids. I'm proud of my kids, and their acomplishments, and their mates, and feel like it is a job well done.
But they're all gone now. I'm alone, yet being alone isn't the problem. Feeling lonely isn't the problem. I'm not one to get all meloncholy, or to be a Gloomy Gus, but I have to admit tonight I shed some tears, for I realized what this Empty Nest thing has done to me. I have spent 30 years pouring my love and devotion into my kids- day in and day out, as they lived at home, until they all left, one by one. Now there's no one for me to pour into daily, there's no one to receive the love, to be cherished, to be mine.

My children are gone. I can and still do love them, but it's love from afar now, it's different than having them right there on a daily basis to receive love and return it. Now there is no one, and that's scary, for I feel I have much love to give yet, much loyalty and devotion, but there is no one to receive and return... I feel like I'm wasting a precious gift, the gift of love, for I am alone now... I am truly an Empty Nester... Where does one find someone seeking to love and be loved? Let the search begin...