Failed Relationships...

I was corresponding with a relatively new friend this morning when some thoughts I shared seemed good enough to share and expand upon via blog... My comment was that much of the pain we experience in life is caused by relationships, and yet most of our healing is found in them too...

The problem with a failed relationship is that in many ways it's like experiencing a death; we need time to grieve and we need time to heal. The old adage, "Time heals all wounds" is from this very concept. (however, when we don't learn to effectively release our anger we tend to confuse the adage with our desire and our wish becomes, "Time wounds all heels"). But back to the thought at hand- emotionally, we must allow time to do its work. The problem is, unlike in death, our "ex" still exists and often resurfaces in our lives, stirring up old hurts and emotions and the healing process is stymied for a time. Rarely, especially if we are the "wronged party" in the relationship, is there the finality that death offers.

And yet, we need to teach ourselves to treat that severed relationship in a like manner as death; we need to remember the good, move past the bad, and stop "digging up" the hurts time and again in our minds. We need to bury the pain we feel because we were wronged, for to hold onto that pain gives it power over us and robs us of the ability and opportunity to move on in our lives. We stand the risk of becoming walled off emotionally, afraid to allow another in for fear that we hurt again. In essence we become an emotional cripple, and rob ourselves the of the ability to love fully and completely again.
It  is imperative that we deal with our hurts in a healthy manner, or unpack our baggage if you will, so we don't carry it into our next relationship and allow it to interfere with our ability to be be vulnerable again, to love again and be loved...

 Too often we tend to want to jump into a new relationship before we've properly healed from the hurts of the last. The thinking is that a new relationship can fix what the old one was lacking, but it won't, for the old one isn't properly "buried" yet. If there's still baggage from the old relationship it is difficult for the new one to measure up for it is viewed through the critical eye of what went wrong before, and that one didn't make it. Time needs time to heal. Recognize time as our friend, not our adversary. Food for thought...