Life's Entrees...

. I don't pretend to understand women, but being a man I have some fair understanding of the male gender, and being a student of human nature, I have given considerable study to relationships, which I believe allows me some latitude to expostulate the reasoning of both genders in seeking out personal relationships. That being said, I thought of a fairly relevant word picture to help describe relationships...
. Picture, if you will, a banquet table, which represents our life, or more specifically, our time in life (I did resist the urge to call it our "timetable"). We all have choices as to what is most important; family, career, friends, things (wealth), relationships (specifically spouse), noteriety (fame), etc. At best, an individual can concentrate on one or two of these at any given time in life if he wants to achieve a high degree of success. These are the entrees in his life. The more entrees he attempts to handle the lower the degree of success he will have in attaining success. Literally, he has too much on his plate. This is why so many men who focus on their career find that after a successful career, an acumulation of wealth (things), their relationship with their spouse is non-existent. They are labeled workaholics, and the complaint is they were never there for the wife and/or kids. They end up divorced, and alone, trying to figure out what went wrong when he "gave her everything", while the guy who doesn't accumulate as much seems to be relationally richer, and happy.
Yet the fault is not entirely the man, for women (generally speaking), have a much higher degree of need for security, and a man who accumulates things feeds that need. So women seek men who are "driven", or success-oriented, for it fuels that first and most basic instinctive need for security. But after finding such a man, and feeling a measure of security, their desires, or needs, turn to wanting relational fulfillment. They now want their man to be "sensitve" and "romantic" and to focus on their need for quality time and attention. But that's not the man's entree, so either he must refocus and make life-changing adjustments (which rarely happens), or conflict arises, for needs aren't being met. He's not sensitive, she's now trying to change him.
. Perhaps a better approach is to seek a partner who entrees will meet both our immediate and long-term desires. To someone who values his family, or spouse above other things, the accumulation of wealth is a lower priority. He may never be "rich", but there is a desire to care for those he loves that will drive him to meet those needs of security. The focus is on relationships instead of wealth, or success, and understanding that the security issue will be met without sacrificing the relationships. Women might be better served understanding that the choice they make initially will impact the entire relationship. If material things are the important entree expect to get "scraps" later, in the relational areas of the relationship, for those are a much lower priority. If the relationship is important then finding someone who is "driven" will be counter-productive to a deep and satisfying personal relationship. Men are relatively simple creatures, at least in comparison to most women, and generally speaking, you get what you see. Don't expect to be able to successfully change a man, after you "catch" one; it just doesn't happen. Change comes from within, from a refocusing of desires, not from external pressure. That just causes resentment and conflict.
. From the earliest, men are physical, women relational. They don't always mix well, but like oil and vinegar, when mixed correctly, and not left unattended, they make a tasty, satisfying complement to each other, and pleasing to our palate...