I learned again today. (It's always a good day when learning takes place). Today's lesson was born out of a difficult situation this past Wednesday, when I was forced into a situation where I had to fire an employee, for willfull misconduct. About a year ago he got fired from his last job and needed work, needed a source of income, and I helped him out. For the past year I have pandered and coddled and pampered and tried to love this employee. However, after a lot of rule-bending, dealing with attitude and temper-tantrums, enough was finally enough. And I was angry at the disrespect, and insubordination, and misconduct. I was angry at giving and giving, and having someone just take and take without recipricating in any way... So my lesson today? What I gave, in this past year, I did out of love for this employee, and what I gave has absolutely no correlation to how it's received. If I give out of a right heart, if my actions are motivated by love, there is no balance, no scales that say there has to be a corresponding response to offset. If he chose to be ungrateful, or disrespectful, or just be a taker, that has no bearing on my actions or motives. I give out of love- how it is received is not my worry. While getting a good response is nice it is not necessary to the action of giving. A bad response, likewise, doesn't spoil the act of giving either, if we have the right perspective. It is a really freeing lesson, for it frees me from the hurt, and anger, and frustration that his inappropriate responses trigger. I am free to give without worry as to how it's received, for they are really independent of each other, and deal with different individuals- the giver and the receiver. I need only worry about my end... Food for thought...
5 comments:
Bud,
This what I do on a daily basis and there are some employees, sad to say whom you can not get through to. Obviously this person did not learn from the first firing, thus did not change their ways. So in the context that you are speaking I can see where you are coming from ,though I think sometimes that if we do not worry about the receivers and we see the same thing happening more than naught, perhaps a look at our work style is in order. I can only speak for myself but I do know that sometimes I get so caught up in the rules that I forget about the people. My thought is - but what if this were the behavior of your child. To be able to walk away and say - I did my best does not ease the hurt - one must worry about the receiver at that point. Then I think we must take responsiblity - did we pamper and coddle the person too much. Are we not allowing them to learn from their failures - as in the case of the fired employee, when will they learn that certain things can not be tolerated in a workplace - or in the case of a child - at home.
Dear Dancingirl,
Thanks for sharing, and for the thoughts and isights. It's nice to hear from you again. The only thing I'd add to your comments, for purposes of clarification only, is the employee was my son.
Ironically, as I was reading your blog what came to mind was my 23 year old son - you could have been talking about him. Sad to say , the description was perfect.
Having been in this career for many years, I can also tell you that no matter how many times I have to fire someone it is never easy. To have to fire a family member or employee who has become a close friend is heartwrenching, I know. Take care -
Thank-you D, for your understanding and compassion. It always helps knowing we're not alone in our trials, even when we feel alone. I appreciate you.
Bud
PS. How's your weather? ~smiles~
Well, lets put it this way- when "Peter Cottontail hops down the bunny trail" he will be leaving footprints in the snow.....
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