Almost every relationship is an inequitable relationship in some sense, for two individuals are never the same and never bring exactly the same thing to the table. Inequitable relationships are not necessarily all bad, but there are cases where one must be dilegent or end up hurt...The most common abuse found in an inequitable relationship is in emotional commitment. These are very delicate and tricky waters to navigate, because so much of the emotional growth of a relationship depends on those involved being willing to become vulnerable and open for love and commitment to have fertile soil in which to grow. However, when there is inequity in the level of commitment whichever partner is more deeply vested, is more vulnerable, they are the one who is at risk for the greatest potential hurt. The partner with the greatest vulnerablity has the most to lose. If one realizes this within the context of the relationship the natural tendency is to hold back commitment, to retreat from opening up, to allow our partner to act first. The result is twofold: the partner who withholds gains "control" in the relationship, and the opportunity for deeper positive emotional growth is stunted.
It is tricky, as I earlier stated, because for a relationship to grow, to experience the possibility of the depths of love and commitment, someone must step up and be willing to make themselves vulnerable first, thus opening themselves up to the possibility of hurt if their partner doesn't reciprocate. If neither party is willing to act first the relationship will not grow, and in the end, things that don't grow stagnate, and things that stagnate die. There are no roots to sustain the relationship when it falls upon difficult or rocky times, and it dies. If only one partner opens up then the other is in a position of control, and that opens up the potential for emotional abuse. While being in a position of control may seem to work for a while in the long term it will create feelings of frustration, withdrawal, and mistrust. Ultimately, without reciprication, the relationship dies.
Mistrust forms when we open up, when we offer something personal or private, and our partner doesn't reciprocate. Our mentality is "I share- you share" and if that doesn't happen we tend to withdraw, often subconsciously, because we have exposed our inner selves without getting emotional assurances in return. When one returns something personal or private it reinforces our bond and builds a desire to share again. This is cyclical, aand leads to deeper trust and emotional intimacy, and the relationship grows...
It is so paramount for emotional equity within a relationship, for it is the foundation for any successful relationship. Emotional equity fosters trust, and trust fosters communication. Love is grand, but no relationship can survive on love alone. There must be trust to sustain it when the emotion of love ebbs or fades, and there must be communication to foster the trust. Relationships with emotional equity can often sustain themselves dispite other inequites within the relationship, for the couple trusts, and can talk through other issues. Love is emotional, true love takes time and commitment, and that's the fruit of emotional equity...
Food for thought...
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