My educational background is in Human Relations (Psychology/Sociology) and even from early on in my studies I have been fascinated by relationships, and even more so, why they fail. I think there’s some general differences between the sexes that if understood might dramatically increase the potential for success in relationships. Of course, wisdom often comes through experience, and the most acute experience is often a result of failure, at least that’s my experience...Speaking generally now, I believe that women fail to understand perhaps the most basic flaw in men, and that is that men tend to be very linear. Women can operate on several different levels at once, are more diverse emotionally, and entirely more complex than men. Men focus on only one or two things at a time. They tend to develop along those lines and what you see is what you get. Women prioritize needs and desires and seek to fulfill those most important first. One of the most basic needs in a woman is for security, safety in their home[front]. They often seek men who are go-getters, workaholics who seem most capable of meeting those security/home needs. And those needs are met. But then they move on to wanting to meet those deeper, more emotional needs, to connect more spiritually. Much deeper drive in women overall. Suddenly they find that the spouse they’ve chosen is distant, always gone working, too busy collecting “things” rather than paying attention to those needs that are now in the forefront... And women get discontented, and the relationship suffers.
In men’s defense, they’re usually clueless, which is difficult for women to understand. Are men really such idiots? In a word, yes. I’ve heard many men simply confounded because they worked their butt off giving a nice home and cars, and all the trappings, and “suddenly” their wife is leaving or has left them. What did they do wrong? (They met the initial need, but failed to develop emotionally to keep pace with their spouse). Women need to view men like a smorgasbord- lots of different kinds but you only get to pick one or two attributes from the selection. Do you want security? A go-getter, a workaholic type. Are you interested in emotional needs met? Then you might have to sacrifice drive in a man to get one willing to stay home and pay attention to you... Bottom line, if women could focus long-term on what will make them happy they might choose entirely different in the near-term, because with men what you see is what you get. You probably won’t change them, and if you do you might not like the result...
Sometimes men are capable of change, but usually it takes a traumatic event in their life- like a divorce (or in my personal case, a heart attack)- to wake them up or shake up their priorities. (And their "ex" says, who is this guy? He wasn't like that when we were married)... I think one of the biggest causes in the surge of homosexuality and lesbianism is not because of a perverse sexual urge, but because of an overwhelming desire to be understood, to be with someone who "gets it", and who better than one of our own sex...
If you really want to be with someone who "gets you" who will love and appreciate you, who will understand you, learn to not be afraid to tell what you want, and don't settle for less than what makes you happy. Communicate! Don't be with someone with the hope you can change them- odds are you will lose that battle and be hurt and frustrated in the process. Figure out what you want long term and make that your aim. Also, you get out of a relationship what you are willing to put in, so if you want love and respect (for example) you need to be willing to give the same, for the measure you give it is in that measure it will be returned to you. And remember- if you leave your happiness in the hands of a man you might be in for some "I'm sorry" times... Food for thought...
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