Time is the one thing that everyone has exactly the same amount of everyday, yet it is the one thing no one knows exactly how much of we have left... Relationally, time is the key element that allows a relationship to transcend from that infatuous, puppy love stage into a more mature true love. Time and commitment. Yet time plays a more far-reaching role in relationships that we must be aware of.Part of my job is negotiating, and through the years I've found I've become a very adept negotiator. I've also learned a few things about negotiating, and it came to mind that much of the communication in any successful relationship is based on a couple's ability and willingness to negotiate effectively with each other. Successful relationships are often characterized by a flow of give and take. The ability of a couple to keep a relative balance in that flow allows for the continued success of that relationship. When it gets skewed, or out of balance, when one partner repeatedly wins at negotiating, the relationship suffers.
Time plays an important part in negotiating, for time intensifies pain. The longer one side stalls, the more time is invested, the more pain for the other. At some point, if a compromise is not reached, one side will throw up their hands and claim it all a waste of time. And be hurt, and angry. And the relationship suffers. I think this was the thought process when Jesus said not to let the sun go down on your anger. Resolve things. Don't allow time to create festering. Winning is never worth the price of relational disharmony, for ultimately even the winner loses when there's relational dysfunction... (One current Psychologist I recently read had this advice for men when it came to arguments with their spouse: "Do you want to be right, or be happy?")
With time, this realization has mellowed me, in both the workplace and the home. No longer am I a hardcore, win-at-all-costs negotiator, nor longer is winning what is important. Let the other side win occassionally and negotiating becomes easier and easier, for each side learns to give and take, and over time trust grows, over time the relationship strengthens, over time it just keeps getting better...
Food for thought...
5 comments:
This is a wonderful entry........You are right and how important it is to really see ourselves and our actions in relationships. r
Relationships and love doesn't define perfect blissful harmony. But when two people find each other and they both have good hearts and truly care about each other, all efforts should be made to compromise and make that relationship work. Nothing is worse than doing life alone.
Thank you for your thoughts my Friend. While I can empathize with your comment, and the heart in which it was written, the thought does come to mind that there might be something worse than doing life alone. That would be doing life with the "wrong" person, especially if the "right" person were to come along and we were unavailable...
Yes, you have a good point. Guess it really boils down to: how much do you treasure and believe in the relationship you were or are in presently. Grass always looks greener on the other side.and for some reason we always think we can do better. Once again "Perfect" is not out there...and not many prospects fall on our front doorstep. But then again you may be the case of exception....Only God has that answer.....
Regardless....much luck....hope you find what you are looking for.
I apologize if I touched a nerve with my comment. I was only thinking that being alone may not be the worst case scenerio... As for me personally, I am not sure that I am in any way an exception, or my situation- but God has given me a peace about being alone until the one He has for me comes along... I pray he gives me the patience and wisdom to know when and who that one might be...
No you did not touch a nerve....just a response from one who has been right where you are.
As long as your search is sincere and honest he will give you patience and wisdom. (Serenity Prayer comes to mind)
How true it is...no matter what situation in life.....
God Bless
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