Blame...

One of the basest and most difficult emotions we deal with is guilt, (and I will blog on that very emotion at a later time). The most common response to guilt- from our earliest days to the end of our days- is the casting of blame. Casting the responsibility of our actions on another to avoid negative consequenses seems to be bred into our DNA. Children seem equally adept as adults in blaming another when caught violating a social law or tenet.

It is interesting to note that very often when someone is caught in a wrong the desire and resulting action is to channel the blame for those actions toward the party that was wronged, especially in relational settings. How many times have you heard something to the effect as, "I wouldn't have done ____ if only you were more ____, or you hadn't done ____". The rationalization is that if wronged party caused the wrong then casting the responsibility for those wrong actions on them in essence "balances the scales" of justice or moral rightness. Both parties feel guilty then, and both parties are wrong.

It isn't true, of course, for casting of blame never allieviates guilt; it only suppresses it until such a time that it overwhelms us and must be dealt with. Relationally, learning to accept responsibility for our own wrong doings will do more good than harm, for we show our mate that honesty and responsibility and the welfare of our mate are most important to us. By not casting blame we save the other from hurt, indignation, defensiveness, and emotional distress. It's time we learn to man up and face the music... Food for thought...