other. Yet as we talked he wasn't bitter or upset, rather grateful that things aren't worse in his life, for they could be. I shared with him about my dad, who just seventeen months ago lay in a coma, thirty some broken bones, and odds of recovery slim at best. Today he's a walking miracle, and I'm grateful things aren't worse.It made me think about the trivial things we complain about, especially in light of how much we're blessed with. Long ago I realized that no matter how good I was or did something there was always someone better. Likewise, as bad as we may think things are we can always find someone a little worse off... We need to appreciate what we have, we need to focus on our postitives, and if we need to improve our situation, determine a positive course of action and move toward our desired goal. We need to ask ourselves, "is what I'm doing/saying moving me closer to or farther from my goal?" Rarely will a critical spirit or a complaining attitude move us in a positive direction. And yet, it seems to be the course we often choose to take. And things get worse. And we get more critical, and complain louder, longer. And thing get worse. (A pattern seems to be emerging).
I think we need to make a conscious effort to recognize pettiness in our lives, and learn tolerance, and patience toward others, but more importantly, tolerance and patience toward ourselves. To allow others to get to us, to anger or upset us, is giving them a power over us that they have no right to, and which they often use in an abusive manner toward us, either consciously or subconsciously. Tolerance and patience allows acceptance and control, self-control. Out of our acceptance and self-control flows the ability to truly and deeply love. To love ourselves first, then love others, for if we cannot love ourselves how then can we expect to love others or have others love us?
2 comments:
You said, "We need to appreciate what we have, we need to focus on our postitives, and if we need to improve our situation, determine a positive course of action and move toward our desired goal. We need to ask ourselves, "is what I'm doing/saying moving me closer to or farther from my goal?" Rarely will a critical spirit or a complaining attitude move us in a positive direction."
You have hit the nail on the head. Two lines from two different songs come to my mind. These lines have stuck with me from the moment I heard them.
One of them is from a Cheryl Crowe song I believe... It says that "It's not getting what we want...It's wanting what we have!" I try to live by those words. It seems that no matter what people have, they always want just a little bit more. It seems that we're always in pursuit of that next dream, thinking that that will make us much more happier.
I have found that it is important to reflect on all of the good things that one already has and learn to savor those gifts that we have been given. Learning to appreciate what we already have is free and it is always achievable. It can be a great source of inner happiness too!
The other line from the other song that stands out to me... I can't even tell you what song it is from or who sang the song....(Sorry about that), but the general words said that Sometimes God's greatest gifts are his unanswered prayers. Wow...that is so profound. I have been through some pretty dark times where it was hard to even think about living my life in a normal manner.
I remember wondering how or why God could allow such horrible things to happen to me. I've always tried to be as good a person as possible. I've always loved and appreciated God in my life...so why did He allow such terrible things to happen to me!
The suffering that I endured throughout my divorce process a year or so ago was almost unbearable to me. I felt worse than I ever knew was possible to feel, but through it all...from the very beginning, I always really did have faith that God was sending me down the path that was right for me. Upon further reflection, I realized that He was giving me much needed relief, because He knew I would never leave my husband myself. So, even though I prayed for my husband not to leave, I realize now that God's greatest gift was not answering that prayer after all. He was giving me the freedom to get out from under all of the negative treatment that I had been living with for nearly 18 years. Although I still feel the terrible hurt that has broken my heart, I know that I am sooooo much better off without him.
As for your words of wisdom Buddy... From the very beginning of my terrible ordeal, I told myself that I needed to change the things in my life that I had the ability to change. I couldn't make a husband be a different person to me, but I could do things to improve my own situation.
I knew that I had the ability to improve things that could give me a better chance at happiness. As I focused on my beautiful healthy children, and I focused on moving and fixing up our new home, and I focused on finishing up my bachelors degree, I felt happiness gradually creeping back into my life.
I have come such a long long way in a relatively short period of time, simply because I believed in myself and I believed that God was sending me down the path that was best for me.
When things seemed the darkest, I made myself keep on pushing to improve my situation. I have found that I am capable of doing many things that I never would have thought possible.
When I graduated last December with my bachelors degree, I had my class ring inscribed with the words..."I Did It". Now...everyday when I look down at those words, I remind myself that I can do whatever I set my mind to doing!" It feels great.
So, Buddy... you are so very right. We need to learn to take action to improving our own situation whenever possible. No matter how difficult it might seem. For if we give up, then despair can get a better hold on us. The satisfaction of pulling oneself up by the boot straps, so to speak, can be very fulfilling. I'm living proof!
Thanks for your inspirational words of wisdom. I'm new to your site, but I will read your column often in the future.
You're a good one!
jsh
Thank-you jsh, for sharing so openly and honestly. I appreciate the kindness of your words.
Bud
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