A Time of Thanksgiving...

As another Thanksgiving Day comes to a close I reflect on that which I am thankful for this past year. There's been so much to be thankful for, yet the most important thing, I think, has been a more constant realization, or awareness, that I am man and God is God. I think that all too often we get caught up in life, in ourselves, and forget that we are merely man; flawed, sinful, twisted, and weak. We look only to ourselves, at ourselves, or compare ourselves to other men and get a demented view of who we really are. We are man- we are faulted and weak, and viewed next to the awesome perfection of God we are shamed and laid bare in our shortcomings. Yet God is God- he is and has always been love, always forgiveness, always mercy. He doesn't judge us with the same small-mindeness that so exemplifies our treatment of each other, rather he is perfect in his response to us. And then, when we realize our place in the relationship, when we humble ourselves before Him, when we choose him over ourselves, then the relationship is righted and restored. It is our confession that we are man that allows his love and forgiveness to freely flow, and that realization is what I am most thankful for this year. As Jonah so eloquently put it, "Those who cling to worthless idols (ie. anything that seperates us from God) forfeits the grace that could be theirs" (2:9). Thank-you Father, for your grace and mercy, for loving such a man as me. Your grace is sufficient for me. Amen.

When God Speaks...

I don't think we expect God to directly speak to us today, at least not like He did to people in the Bible... For example, I think of Samuel, and how God called him, and wonder why we don't hear God's voice like that today... Perhaps it's because we're too busy, or our lives too loud to listen...
I know God still speaks today; I think we don't hear about it because we're afraid of what others may think of us if we share... I will share a time I heard God's voice.
Perhaps the darkest moment in my life was almost twenty-one years ago now. I lost a child, a daughter, in the final month of her pregnancy. I remember holding the lifeless form of my daughter, so beautifully formed, so tragically taken. I remember after they took my daughter away, and her mother lay sedated and asleep, I sat all alone in the waiting room, alone with God and my thoughts. I remember so clearly praying, "God, how could you allow this to happen? What good can possibly come out of this?" Just as clearly as if He were standing in the room I heard Him speak (indeed, I opened my eyes and looked around to see who spoke, it was that clear)... He said, "You lost a child who you never knew; I lost my son who I knew forever". It was in that moment I knew God grieved with me; two fathers grieving the loss of their children together, and all the pain and heartache that went with that experience. At this, the lowest point of my life, I never felt closer to my God, the Father, than I did right then. That is the graciousness of God- that in the depth of the valley of despair He is there, and He is real, and He wraps his arms around me and carries me through. My greatest spiritual blessing happened at my darkest hour. That is the goodness of God. Thank-you Father for allowing me to be quiet and hear your voice, to understand your words, through the Sons of Korah, "Be still, and know that I am God". I know God speaks today; are we strong enough, bold enough to listen?

Our Journey...

Blaise Pascal once said that "the distinguishing charactoristic of humankind is distraction. We don't like what we see when we slow down long enough to look at our lives, so we keep ourselves distracted- we fill our lives with all sorts of trivial stuff and nonsense. That way we never have to confront our emptiness or longing; we simply don't have time for it." It's rather ironic- we're too busy with life to ponder life...
There is so much truth to Pascal's words; it seems that we take on more and more, trying to fill up every waking minute with noise, hurry, and crowds; these are the charactoristics of superficialness. If we truly want to learn to control our lives, rather than to be swept along with the "muchness" and mayhem of life, we must learn to recreate silence, stillness, in our lives. We must learn to center-down, to detach from life in order to regain control of our selves, to learn who we really are, what we really want, what makes us tick. We must learn introspection, meditation. Unfortunately, most of us are afraid to face who we really are, how we really are. Too often we find we don't like who we discover we are, and if we don't like ourselves, deep down, we really don't expect others to like us either. So we hide ourselves in busyness, in superficial living, to avoid having to face ourselves. We learn the art of transference when we have those "inadvertent insights" into ourselves- we cast our fault on another to see how they react, how they handle it, in the hopes of learning secondhand how to cope with our firsthand faults...
Meditation, centering down, learning silence can be a profoundly frightening experience. Being alone with ourself, with the only one privy to our silent time being the One who knows our every failing, who reveals ourself to us in our rawest, basest form can be overwhelming to say the least, if we're not ready to deal with the reality of our deepest self. And yet, when we learn to face our fears, our longings, our emptiness, when we trust in the One source to fill the voids in our life, we can begin to experience life at far deeper, far richer level than ever before... The hustle and bustle are no longer important, indeed, we discover that life is in the journey, not in the destination. We discover that all the busyness has kept us from enjoying the journey and when we finally reach our destination there is often a distinct lack of satisfaction with the result. Satisfaction comes when we learn to be content in our journey, when we learn to take time to enjoy the walk... Satisfaction is found in contentment, but contentment isn't dependent on satisfaction... I understand now Paul's words that he'd learned to be content in whatever his circumstance...

Egalitarianism...

I experienced a first the other day. During a rather lively discussion a good friend said that if he didn't know me better he'd think I was a feminist... We were discussing the trend of some churches toward egalitarianism, or the belief in human equity, especially between the sexes. He came from a rather tradionalist background (as he knew I did) and he was concerned that many churches nowadays seemed to "disregard the order" God instituted in the family and the church. He felt man was the authority and woman should not hold a position of authority over men... Instead of finding an ally I'm afraid he found a dissenting point of view...
I thought it particularly interesting his argument that God appointed men as priests to conduct sacrifices for the forgiveness of sins; as a matter of fact, there were over 700 references to men being assigned to the priesthood, but none concerning women. I told him that Jesus' sacrifice of himself on the cross freed us from the need for human priests, that Jesus Christ was now our high priest and allows us direct access to the Father, and that, in essence, the need for high priests was now effectively abolished. And, there are numerous references to women in positions of authourity in Scripture, both in and out of the church; Deborah was a judge, Anna a prophetess, Lydia led a church in her home, to name a few...
Yet his argument that I Timothy 2:12-14 expressly forbid women from positions of authority could give his argument merit if taken strictly at face value. But it is important to understand the social context in which this passage was written. Timothy was dealing with a cultural situation where women weren't considered equal in any sense, rather viewed as little more than property. To allow them to be in authority at that point would have created incredible havoc for Timothy, who faced problems enough overcoming his youth as a pastor... I was told I shouldn't twist scripture to support my argument, so I went back to his scripture reference and asked him if he believed it was wrong for women to braid their hair or wear jewelry. He said he didn't find anything wrong with that; when told it was cultural indicator in Timothy's day of a woman's status and Paul forbade it he said we needed to understand the "context" in which Paul wrote that. Yet, you can't have it both ways; intrepret what you want in light of the culture or social context of the day but not the other... Forbidding jewelry or dictating how a woman wears her hair is legalistic and wrong today. Paul wrote clearly to the church at Galatia that all are equal in the sight of God- no distinction between Jew or Gentile, slave or free, man or woman... It was written to a church not dealing with the same problems as Timothy was. It was not dealing with cultural mores that treated women as second class...
He tried another tact: God instituted a family structure- God, then man, then his wife, then children. We need a chain of command, an authority when there's a deadlock in making decisions. As the church is our spiritual family, God is the head, then men, then women... A nice try, but again, it isn't scripturally sound. Jesus Christ is the head of the Church, the bridegroom and the church is his bride. He is the authority and our example. Jesus led by serving; he washed his disciples' feet as an example for all who want "to lead". The true leader, the true authority is the one who has a sevant's heart, not the one who desires the "power" and "authority". Those are the signs of human desire not Spirit-leading... And, techincally speaking, as the bride of Christ, the Church is the feminine in the relationship... (It waqs about this point I was called a feminist!).
The truth is, if I have to choose between being "under the authority" of a Spirit-led woman, who loves and walks with God, or under the authority of a man simply because he's the correct gender, the choice is a no-brainer. I would gladly submit to a woman, for God created man, then woman as his "helpmate", and if a woman can help me learn to walk a more Godly walk, can help me learn to be more Christ-like in my life by assuming a position of leadership as she serves in the church then I can have no greater a "helpmate"... God did create men and women differently, unique to their gender, but he created them equal, in his image. Assuming superiority because of one's gender is wrong, whether found in or out of the church. And to quote Forrest Gump: "And that's all I have to say about that".

Time X Infinity...

In a comment to a recent post one of my nephews addressed the concept of free will in relation to our infiniteGod... In my response I said, in essence, that my desire in that blog was not to limit choices, but to start people thinking in a new direction, to see there may be more choice than merely the conventional ... How we think definitely colors our perspective of God, for we have a finite, created mind and God is the infinite Uncreated, and the created cannot ever fully comprehend the Creator. It is our very view of time that limits and distorts our understanding of God, the Timeless.
We measure time by a succession of events along a line, and define time by the relative proximity of each event to another. To us Time is linear. We are bound dimentionally in our thinking, by time and space... Our finite minds operate three-dimensionally, yet God exists in and beyond our finite understanding of dimension... He is outside of time and space, for indeed, these are two concepts he created. In our linear thinking, God is at the first event of our timeline, and the last event, and each one in-between, all at the same instant. It is God's transcendence of time and space that fetters our minds and makes us captive to only those concepts of God that are digestable to our finite minds, rather than allowing the possibility of God being in complete control of his creation and still allowing his createds the ability to have free will, or free choice in their lives. To a finite mind these are contridictory, but to God they are not only possible, but exist according to his Word... An example of our finte thinking: An atheist friend once asked me that old conundrum, "If God can do anything can he make a rock too heavy for him to lift?" And I answered an emphatic "Yes!". Of course the argument followed, if he can make the rock he can't lift it, or if he can lift it he can't make the rock. My answer was simple: I believe God can do anything, and that means he can make that rock, and he can lift it. I went further to say that the average person uses ten-percent or less of his brain; if there is ninety-percent of our brain, our understanding, left unused, did my friend really want to make a definitive statement that something was impossible based on a 10% understanding? The question is linear, the answer is faith in God outside the constraints of linear finite thinking. It can be done. We need to think of God outside the constraints of finite linear thinking, then we begin to see, to understand in some small measure the awesomeness of our Creator, then we begin to realize and understand the true depth of worship. We need to think outside the box...
(Nate, if or when you read this, I hope it clarifies somewhat my mindset. As the commercial kind of says, "This blog's for you!)

Love Thy Enemy...

No one likes having an enemy, and yet each and every day we are faced with an enemy... Every time we start a new day, when we stumble into the bathroom and look in that mirror, we face our own worst enemy... When we do something wrong, it's his fault; when we say the wrong thing, he's to blame; when we lose our temper, it's all him; when we lust, envy, procratinate, hate, judge, condemn, show bias, bigotry, show prejudice- all can be laid at the feet of that man (or woman!) in the mirror... We are our own worst enemy...
More specifically, our mind is our enemy, for our body merely follows the direction it's given. It is our mind that directs inappropriate responses, it is our mind that sabotages our efforts to do or be good, for our mind is the home of our ego; a sadly flawed and desperate creature, wanting happiness, contentment, satisfaction for itself without the ability to achieve it by itself... That is why Paul admonishes us, as Christ followers to constantly "renew our minds" (Romans 12:2, Ephesians 4:22, Colossians 3:12) or set them on those heavenly things... Our minds, without the Spirit, are deceitful and corrupt, and can be decieved...
One of the great deceptions of our mind is often so subtle we don't even realize it, or if we do, we do too late. It is in the area of relationships. We build in our mind the perfect mate, the one who has all those characteristics we think will make us happy, the one who meets our heart's desire, and there that person lives, in our mind. When we meet people we compare them to our ideal, and when we find that person that seems to meet those reqirements, we commit. Yet oft times what we want so overshadows reality that disappointment is inevitable, for no one can be ideal all the time. No one measures up to an ideal; no one can hope to accomplish what our mind desires. For in our mind our ideal makes us happy without effort on our part, and in reality that just doesn't happen. So we experience disappointment, and we move on, for it is the responsibility of our mate to measure up, and they just don't (or so our mind tells us). Or, we look for someone who's close to our ideal and we begin the process of trying to mold, or change them to meet our expectations and, if successful, often find what attracted us to them is now gone... Our mind says it is not our fault, for they didn't measure up.
Reality says we need to love and accept each other for who we are, what we are, and in those areas that we don't mesh well don't look to change the other, rather change "me", for ultimately I am responsible for me. It is not easy to accept responsibility for ourselves; it is so much easier to blame others, to blame society, to blame God. Yet it is essential that we learn to accept responsibility for ourselves, for accepting ourselves, warts and all, is the first step to learning to love ourselves. If we can't love and accept ourselves how can we expect to love and accept another?

The Mask of Maturity...

Matt 18:2-6 He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.(NIV)

Luke 18:17 I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."(NIV)
Wow. How powerful is that. It is clearly important that we re-learn our perspective if we truly want to enter the kingdom of heaven. The concept of learning to accept or view as a child must be very important, for Jesus repeated it several times and at different places in the scriptures. So what is a child's perspective? How is it that Jesus wants us to act or live?
Children are open and authentic. The younger the child the more genuine their emotions. I believe that is why Jesus called a "little child" to himself to make his point. There is no question as to the emotional state of a child. if he's happy we know, if he's unhappy we really know. But there's no hiding the feelings, no deception, just authenticity and openness. This is how we are to be; open and authentic if we want to recieve the kingdom of heaven. So why do we lose this openness as we grow older?
I think people learn to hide their true emotions as a defense against vulnerability. Quite simply, the more open you are the more vulnerable you are. Rather than expose ourselves to the possibilty of someone hurting us because we've exposed our vulnerabilities we learn to mask them, to hide behind a false facade; we control what they know, so we limit the amount of hurt that they are awaere of. All too often we are deeply hurt and no one knows; we suffer alone, in anonimity, because we are hiding behind a mask of false bravado...
We also learn that, to hide our true emotions, can allow a measure of control over others, and they way the respond to us. We can maniplulate the reactions of others toward us by our emotional responses. We can dictate, we can control. Just the opposite of what Jesus calls us to do. He wants us to surrender control, to allow his Spirit to lead and guide us. He wants honesty, and authenticity to be our response, vulnerability to be our goal. For in his kingdom, in his perfect creation, it is the willingness to submit to the Father, the open vulnerability to his will that leads to perfect community with him. We must be willing to give up control of our lives, stop thinking that we, in our flawed and finite state, know what is better for us than our perfect and infinite all-knowing Father, and allow him to guide us in our few short years in this world... It amazes me that, in our arrogance, in our limited knowledge, that we assume to know what is better for us than does God, and that some are willing to gamble their eternity for the sake of the illusion of control in their life right now.

Father, please instill and grow in me an eternal perspective. Allow me to see what is really important eternally, and not be blinded by the temporal distractions of this world. I love you, because you first loved me. Amen.

How big is your God?

I was told recently, that I don't make a very good "Calvinist", because I questioned whether God really chooses to know everything that happens on this earth... Now, don't get me wrong, I believe God has the power, the capability, of knowing all that will and does happen, but does he truly exercise that power?
I believe God created man for community, for fellowship with Him, but he also desired man to want to fellowship with him, therefore he created man with a free will, with the ability to choose to fellowship with God. Now, if we are to truly exercise a free will, then God knew there had to be choice, for without choice there is no free will. God did not create sin, or evil, but he did create an environment where, if man chose not to choose God, and good, then the flip side could be the creation of sin, or evil, not from God, but out of man's choice to disobey God's directives.
Yet, if God knows all, and sees all, and exercises this power, then we can assume that God knew man would choose to disobey, and therefore man was created to fall. This is so contrary to the perfect nature of God, that he would intentionally create an imperfect creation. And, taking this line of reasoning a step further, if God knows all and sees all then he knows before we decide what we will choose. This then, would mean we really don't have a free will at all, for if he knows our choices before we choose then we really aren't choosing at all; we are merely playing out a preordained order of events.
I believe God has such power to know, but is big enough to intentionally restrict himself from knowing, so that we can choose according to the free will that he created in us. His desire is that we come to him willingly, that we desire His fellowship, and that cannot happen for him if we do not have the free will to choose. The key to God's perfect community was, and is, free will. The key to man's fall, to sin, and evil, is free will. It is the choice that had to be possible for God to achieve his community with man as he so desired.
Why then, is this such a stumbling block among believers? I propose that it is much easier to have a God who knows all, sees all, and controls all, for when things don't go as we might wish we can defer blame from the true source to God. You see, if we have free will, then the responsibility for bad things does not rest on God; rather we must look at ourselves, and our decisions as the possible cause. We must look at those around us, and the manner in which their free will decisions ripple on our life, and see if they aid or cause of our pain. And we must consider the free will of those in the spiritual realm, (angels and demons) and consider how their wills may impact our life. If we are to believe the Scriptures are the holy and inspired word of God then we must believe that God has instilled in us a free will, and further, He does not impose his will on us, rather he waits patiently and lovingly for us to return to him.
So the question is, "How big is your God?" Is he big enough not to know your decisions before you make them? Is he big enough to intentionally restrict himself to allow you to grow or fall on your own, based on your free will decisions, or does he have to be in total control, running everything all the time, as you just live out our pre-orchestrated path to whatever fate awaits you? What really scares me about that line of thinking is that, for some, who don't know Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, for those who don't have a personal relationship with God now, for some of those there is no hope of heaven, no hope of being redeemed for eternity, for they are merely living out a preordained path which will take them to hell... Now what kind of merciful, loving, all-powerful, perfect God could ever do such a thing to one of his createds? Food for thought...

Our Fast-Food Society

I think we live in a "fast-food society where that mentality extends far deeper that our culinary desires... We are a people driven by instant gratification, whether it be food, or goods, or relationships, or whatever. We've come to expect what we want, and expect it now. We want things faster and faster, and it doesn't matter if we can afford it or not, for we have "instant credit" or "no money down"...
Is instant gratification good? What harm does it cause to get now, instead of later? I propose that the harm is far deeper, more subtley devistating than people ever realize. From a financial stability standpoint alone the effects of buying on credit are devistating. To be fair, a credit card should be renamed a "debt card", for you don't gain credit, you gain debt. The extent that people are willing to extend their debt is frightening, and, if it were not so lucritive and profitable credit card companies wouldn't vie so hard for our business. The desire for "have it now" has spawned many, many "cash stores", or instant loan establishments that reap fees and interest in excess of 100 to 400% just to feed our desires. But outside of the financial devistation what does instant gratification do to us?
The biggest effect is our inability to learn patience, which affects our very core existence. Patience allows for error in life, in relationships, for forgiveness, and for reconcilliation. When we learn to be patient we develop the ability to savor, to appreciate, to experience at a deeper level. When we learn patience we learn responsibility, we develop respect, compassion, and self-control. With self-control we learn that those spur-of-the-moment desires are often fleeting, and unnecessary, and we can do without them and never miss them in the long run. We also learn that not everything is about "us" and meeting our desires, that the focus doesn't have to be "me"... We begin to notice those around us, and the needs of others become more important than personal desires. (Those desires that are important are more appreciated when achieved when they're affordable).
Another area we are totally blindsided in with our desire for instant gratification is in the area of relationships. Any relationship, if it is going to last, needs time and commitment (among other things, like communication, honesty, fidelity, trust), to build a firm foundation. Today we have "speed dating", "internet dating", instant relationships... Just as quickly as we jump in, we find our partner isn't all we expected and off we go, on to the next. Divorce is at an all-time high, co-habitation is rampant, infidelity accepted as a norm... All because we have to have it now. What if we spent time learning about our prospective mate, their likes and dislikes, their attributes and faults; what if we compared who they are with who we are before entering a "committed" relationship (which isn't much of a commitment at all usually!) to see if we are really compatible? Imagine how many "mistakes" would be avoided... But it takes time, and commitment, the very enemies of our "fast-food" society...

A Love Test...

What is Love really? How do we define love? Is it even definitve? Can we put a relationship "to test" to see if it exemplifies "love"?
There are three types of love that I see in our our society. First there's the "I love you if..." style where love is conditional on specific action happening. "If you do (whatever) then I love you." Then there's the "I love you because..." style, again conditional on action, but usually already done. "Because you did (whatever) I love you". Last, there's the "I love you in spite of..." style, the unconditional love that says no matter what you do I will love you. This is that "agape" love that Jesus Christ exemplified and taught. So, how can we determine if this is the type of love we practice, or do we "conditionalize" our love? Put your love to this test:
1. Do you find yourself getting impatient with your partner?
2. When you argue do you bring up your partner's past faults or failings? Do you argue "the past"?
3. Are you selfish, or do you put your partner before you?
4. Do you get angry easily at your partner?
5. Are you envious?
6. Do you remain gracious, even in a dispute, or do you get rude?
7. Do you "remind" your partner how good you are?
8. Are you kind to your partner?
9. Do you protect your partner whenever possible?
10. Do you trust your partner?
11. Is the truth important to your relationship, or is honesty not a big issue?
12. Will your relationship perservere through trials?

We find perhaps the best definition of love in I Corinthians 13, verses 4-7. It says: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres." If we can examine ourselves, and our relationship, and model this definition of love how incredible our relationship would be.
Unfortunately, too many relationships sadly fail because the "love" is self-seeking, and selfish. In our "instant gratification" society, our "fast food" lifestyle, we've come to expect instant chemistry, instant "love", and aren't willing to invest the time and effort to grow something solid, something special. Infatuation is instant, and just as quickly the bloom can fade, but love, true love takes time, and withstands the tests of time. Time and commitment. The exact opposite of what society demands... No wonder divorce is such an attractive option today...

Trust...

Most would agree that one of the fundemental building blocks in any relationship is trust, but in reality, what is trust? Why is it so fragile, so easily broken, even shattered? Trust is vulnerability, it's counting on another to hold our best interests above their own, to act in a consistently perfect manner toward our vulnerability, and when they don't it is damamged, not just in this relationship, but often in future relationships as well. We have a tendency to hold onto our vulnerabilities, to wall them up, and protect ourselves against future hurt.
In a trusting relationship we expect another to act, in reality, as God acts; holding our vulnerabilities perfectly, without fear of failing us, and yet we are all sadly, weakly human, and at times we do fail those who trust us... It is in those times we find our trust betrayed that we make a decision, sometimes even subconciously, to extend grace and remain vulnerable with the betrayer, or withdraw and erect walls. Often the deeper the betryal the quicker the withdrawal...
No one likes to be hurt, and the natural, human reaction is to withdraw, for we trust ourselves most of all with our vulnerabilities. And yet, when objectively examining ourselves, we are far from the best, or safest person to protect our vulnerabilities. For, by their very nature, vulnerabilities are weaknesses, our weaknesses, and we think that we are the best resource to protect those weaknesses. In essence, in our weakness we strive to protect our weaknesses... This is why trust is so fragile. we can't protect it, others have broken it, and we become afraid of future hurt out of our past experience. There is only one "safe haven" with our trust, only one who holds it perfectly without fear of failure. Yet we stubbornly hold on in our own strength, or weakness, rather than trust God who is perfect in his love for us, and is perfectly trustworthy.
Another reason some of us find it hard to lay ourselves open to hurt again is because, deep in the recesses of our soul, we recognize our shortcomings, our failures in the area of trust, and we fear if we trust another they will fail us because it's what we may do, or have done. We transfer our weakness on another for that has been our experience, and we don't want to hurt as we may have hurt others.
So how do we rebuild trust? At some point, if we are to overcome our fear of hurt, we must objectively realize we are not the best resource to protect our vulnerabilities. God is the perfect resource, the only unfailing resource. We can trust him to place in our lives the resources, the people who can help us overcome our vulnerabilities, those strong in the area of our weakness. We must be willing to seek them out, to lean on their strength, their wisdom in our area of vulnerability. Then we need to make a conscious decision to extend grace, to forgive the betrayer, to unpack that baggage so that it isn't carried into our next relationship. For, to the extent that we hold onto our hurts, to the extent that we retreat behind a wall, it is to that extent that we rob ourselves that measure of completeness in our next relationship. To be able to fully love we must be willing to be fully vulnerable. To be fully vulnerable means we must be willing to trust again...

Failure...

I'm thought to be an itellegent man, but the more I learn the more acutely aware I am of my ignorance... I'm glad I'm still not too old to learn ... This week's lesson was pretty harsh, but I wish I would have learned it years ago. The lesson? I need to learn to fail quicker.
Have you ever been in a relationship, or in a job, or situation that just seemed doomed to failure? Most of us have, and more often than not we persist in that venture even though we know in our heart of hearts it isn't healthy for us. I'm guilty of this, in my past two relationships, stubbornly hanging in, trying to work out a relationship with someone unwilling to put forth the same effort, the same desire... It takes two people committed to making a relationship work to have a chance at success; if only one is committed you've got your finger in a crumbling dam... So why is it so hard to walk away?
I think stubbornness is part of it; and pride- not wanting to admit failure. Part is comfort of the "known"- being in a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all (is the faulty reasoning)... This fear of being alone and lonely is a powerful enticement to remain in an unhealthy relationship... Yet, if we, if I, would learn to recognize and aknowledge to self unhealthy patterns or relationships and address the problem immediately, if there's no solution or improvement admit failure and move on... How much time and heartache would I have saved myself with this knowledge!
I'm not condoning just walking out at the first sign of trouble; far from it; but walking when the evidence is overwhelming that failure is emminent and success a dream at best...
\ I have found perhaps the perfect relationship; unfettered love and devotion, a desire to please, a love of cuddling, and no arguing at all. Just two kindred spirits, hanging together, enjoying each other, faults and all... It's my dog, Winston, all four pounds of love and devotion...

Soul Terror...

When Adam and Eve first chose to excercise their free will in disobedience of God, when they first ate of the fruit of the tree of knowledge, they seperated themselves from community with God, the very reason for their creation, their reason for being. Since then every human being has been born seperated from the Father, and every human being has a hole, an emptiness, a void that they seek to fill; the void of seperation from community with God. Deep within each of us is the knowledge of good and evil, and within each of us is a free will which allows us to decide what course our lives will take.
The problem comes in when we look into the mirror of our lives, to determine the reflection there, to chart what course we take. Our mirror is flawed, cracked, broken, and the reflection is fragmented and impure. Only God see us as pure, without sin, through the sacrifice of his son Jesus Christ, through the cleansing of his shed bled. When we look we think we know what's best; we think we can find fulfillment and contentment, peace on our own. And we begin our quest to fill that void...
As we strive to fill that void, that darkness in our soul, our internal, subconcious focus is on filling the void in the area of our greatest fear, our "soul terror"; it is that thing that we are most afraid of... For some it is fear of poverty, or lack of success, lack of recognition, for some fear of rejection, desire to be accepted, for some fear of lonliness, ending up their life all alone. Some fear not being loved, some fear lack of security, some fear ignorance; whatever the core of our soul terror, it is there we seek to fill the void. We venture into our darkness, look into our fragmented mirror of our life and seek to fill the void in our power, for our terror is the source of our deepest sin, we think it is too personal to share, so we shoulder the burden alone. We find ourselves seeking fulfillment in success, in our work, acceptance in promiscuity, love in pornography, recognition in our service, security in relationships... Whatever our terror, there lies our darkest fear, our deepest need. We are consumed by the darkness, by our soul terror.
Jesus Christ brought us life, brought us the way to restore community with the Father, to fill the void created by that initial sin. And just as it was an act of free will to sin, to disobey God, it is also an act of our free will to accept the gift of his grace, his forgiveness and restore that fellowship. Jesus was life, and that life was light to men (John 1:4), and he shines into our darkness (v.5), and he faces our soul terror with us, if we allow him. He is our example, our perfect mirror, and when we look at him he is clear and unblemished. As we expose ourselves to him we should seek to follow his example, become more Christ-like. For he is our example; fully God, yet fully human, he lived his life, not through his power as God, but through the power of the Holy Spirit; the same Spirit he promised would be with us always. He showed us how we can live, with the same power, the same abundance, if we submit our free will to the Father, if we choose to obey... We may not have the power ourselves, but God gives us the authority to command his power to overcome our darkness, to live according to his will.
We must learn to hate our sin more than we love it's pleasures, for the pleasure of sin is fleeting, temporal. The repercussions of sin, the guilt, the shame, the embarrassment, the rebellion, the seperation, are far more devestating to our lives than the momentary pleasure of our sin. So why are we so weak, why do we intentionally fail time after time? Because we have not determined to submit, to commit our will to the Father. We stubbornly hold on to that which sets us apart from God, for our view is flawed, our thinking impure. Submission of our will frees us from the bondage of our sin, our darkness, and allows fellowship and community, allows forgiveness and restoration. Submission involves humility; we are arrogant and ignorant, by and large, as a people...

Father, face with me the terror of my soul. You know me at my weakest, at my most vulnerable, my darkest. Help me to face my darkness, in the light of your Son, and help me to overcome those areas that keep me from you. Free in me your power, allow me to grow more Christ-like, to draw upon your Holy Spirit to overcome this world. Nudge me closer, ever closer to you. Amen.

Grace...

I offended someone today, almost a stranger, but not. I made an innocent mistake, but how could they know? I apologized, and realized that saying "I'm sorry" leaves me totally vulnerable to another, to their free will to accept or reject me, despite my sincerity, my heartfelt sorrow... As I pondered the situation I came to better understand how incredibly blessed I am to have a "grace-full" God, who promises to forgive me when I come to him and ask forgiveness for my many blunders.
Extending grace isn't very popular nowadays, for it isn't easy to do, and most often the course of least resistance is followed; be hurt, be angry, strike back, or walk away... Self indulgent responses... If we emulate Jesus Christ we must turn from those self-indulgent desires and learn to forgive. To forgive is to give up our right to get even, to lay aside our hurt for the sake of reconciliation.

God chooses daily to forgive us, and, through the sacrifice of his son, he extends forgiveness and grace. How great is that! And today, a stranger I offended chose to forgive me, to lay aside their offendedness and allow me the opportunity to make things right... How neat is that!

Social context...

It's important to understand the social climate to fully appreciate the teachings of Jesus. All too often we read our Bible and don't get the full impact of Jesus' words because we haven't fully investigated the context in which those words were spoken. Let's look at one example, the parable of the lost (or prodigal) son. just reading the story today we see a son who asks for his inheritance early, and when granted, takes it, spends it, and ends up a homeless person eating pig slop. He realizes his father's servants live better than he, so he decides to head for home and ask for a job as a servant. As he heads for home, while still far off, the father (who watched the road daily) sees him and runs to greet him and welcome him home. He embraces him and honors him and escorts him home where they prepare a celebration feast...
But is this as deep as the story goes? If you were hearing this in Jesus' day several things would be immediately obvious, for they were cultural taboos. First, for a son to ask for his inheritance prior to his father's death was a great insult, paramount to disowning your family. This son, in his discontent and desire to get out from under his father's authority did what would have been considered irreversible in Jesus' day. Still, the father waited, and when the son found himself humbled, destitute, and lost the father ran to him, embraced him, forgave him, and welcomed him home.
Did you catch that, the other taboo? The father ran to him... In Jesus' day those of position, those of social stature never ran; as a matter of fact, the more prestigious you were the slower, and more stately your walk. This man, obviusly a man of wealth and position, forsook all social mores and ran to his son. Looking at this parable in light of the social context in which Jesus spoke it gives us a deeper, more profound sense of the heart of God, the Father. We are loved so much, so deeply, that despite the seemingly unforgivable things we do in the eyes of society it is not enough to seperate us from the love of our God. Wow. And our God doesn't care what anyone thinks of his unconditional love and forgiveness, he's ready to meet us when and where we are, no matter how undeserving we may feel we are. Wow.
Perhaps, if we really want to understand the depth of the message God is giving us, to gain a fuller understanding of His word, perhaps we need to study the contexts; the context of the thought in relation to the passage, and the social context of the day... Just a thought...

Spiritual Life...

I've said, for a long time now, that my Christianity is not my religion; it is my lifestyle. I have been wrong, and to continue in this line of thought would be to continue in error. Long ago I was told that a mistake only remains a mistake if we continue in it. There is limited truth to that, especially in this instance. I've thought that my Christianity was a lifestyle choice, my desire to folllow and emulate Jesus Christ, rather than have it become a religion of do's and dont's that we find so prevalent among churches today. As I walk and work in this world I don't want to be judged by this world as judgemental or hypocritical, as seems to be the attitude toward our more conventional churches (and members). Rather, I would like my world, my sphere of influence to see me as approachable, as loving, as forgiving, as accepting. I felt that I needed to learn to hate the sin while loving the sinner, as my Lord so demonstrated throughout his life here on earth. Hence my conclusion that my Christianity needed to be a lifestyle...So why is that wrong? I've come to learn that Christianity as a lifestyle isn't an end, but the fruit born of learning to walk in the Kingdom of God among us, or to live a "spiritual life". And what is that; what is "spirituality"? Science calls "spirit" "unembodied personal power", and isn't that God- Spirit and Power? I believe spirituality is learning to live in another reality, to live in a realm where we can and do draw upon the Holy Spirit for our power, our essence, our life. This was the life intended for us when God created Adam. They were in fellowship, in harmony, before sin entered the relationship. When faced with sin God told Adam they would now die, and indeed, the first death was not physical, but spiritual, for seperated from God's spirit was spiritual death for man. Jesus came, and lived, and showed us the way to restore that spiritual life, we just don't have the commitment, and discipline to do so (at least not many Christians do, in light of the number claiming to be)... And what are these disciplines that Jesus practiced? Fasting, solitude, prayer, acts of service, and worship. We occassionally dabble in this one or that, and even experience an unexplainable or supernatural event every now and then, and we are pleased with ourselves. But where is God speaking from a cloud, or a burning bush? Where is the seeing blind man or the walking, healed lame man? Why don't we experience that kind of faith, those miracles today? God hasn't changed, so it must be us... Can you imagine the response in today's world to a first-hand experience of our God of the Bible? I believe practicing these disciplines daily, as Jesus did, will allow us, will allow me, to do what Jesus did, and even greater things... Jesus disciplined himself daily, and when the critical time for action arrived he responed out of his discipline; his lifestyle was a natural outflow of his walk in the spiritual realm, his commitment a fruit of that walk. We, no I, can experience that power, that leading, if I commit to his disciplines... The choice is mine, the rewards eternal..

Spiritual vs Physical

As I sat in church this morning and took communion, I was again amazed at the "teaching" to take the bread and drink the cup in rememberance of our Lord... The pastor went on to say, (as often is said), that durig the busy-ness of our schedules we are commanded to do this.
Isn't the bread the symbol of Christ's body, and the wine his blood? Doesn't this represent the physical-ness of Jesus' sacrifice for us, the giving of his physical, human being? Should we not then be living for Him in our everyday, physical lives, not just dedicating a Sunday or so to Him? Too often we tend to seperate the spiritual from the physical, yet everything Jesus did or lived was a physical expression of his Spiritual condition... We can't daily emulate Jesus Christ if we confine our "spirituality" to Church, or Sundays... We must learn to live each moment of each day embracing the physical example of Jesus Christ, so that when that moment of decision comes, the time for critical action arrives, we react out of our discipline of following Him instead of our natural or carnal desires... Indeed, the outflowing of "works" is a natural result of living a discplined life that emulates Jesus, and difuses the argument of "faith vs works"... The two are interrelated and co-dependant on each other in the "Spirit-filled" life.
Until we learn the correlation between the physical and the spiritual we cannot expect to experience the kind of abundant life God promises to his children...

Random Ponderings...

Sometimes I wonder if there is really a desire for Spiritual awakening among Christians, for meeting God where He is, rather than sitting back and waiting for some divine revelation from Him... I wonder because I just don't see that desire to change the heart, to learn to live and love as Jesus did, except in too few instances. Too often it is the temperal, the here and now that captures our attentions; the desire for success, for things, for satisfaction instead of contentment. To love as Jesus did, to be content in our circumstances, indeed is too much work for most of us today. Why, to give up our petty angers, to forfeit our right to get even, to put others ahead of ourselves- it seems like too much work.
Yet, when we truly desire a heart for God, when we truly seek after him and begin to experience the natural outflowing of the Holy Spirit through us, those things we clung to so vainly disappear like a breath on the morning chill... To begin to experience loving others like Jesus loves causes a natural outpouring of compassion for our fellow man, a willingness to forgive, to forgo our own desires for the betterment of another. Our desires change, our outlook conforms to that of Jesus Christ, and we become tolerant in our love of our fellow man. We assume the position that it is never about what we can do for God, rather it's all about what He can do through us, if our heart is willing to allow Him to...
We must learn the difference between satisfaction and contentment. We must come to realize that we will never truly be satisfied outside of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, for only He can satisfy the emptiness we all have since Adam broke our community with God; only Jesus can fill the void that we all have that seeks out our purpose here, and seeks to answer what else is there after this? If we find the source of our eternal satisfaction then we can easily find contentment in our temperal setting here on earth. Our contentment is not dependent on our being satisfied, but we can find satisfaction in our contentment, yet often there is discontent once we find ourselves satisfied. Food for thought...