Relationship Killers #1: Sex...

I think one of the biggest reslationship killers is sex. Personally, I don't see any redeeming social value in it. Sex is a selfish act, performed by selfish people who are afraid of relational depth and commitment, and usually have very little self esteem. Pretty harsh words, but true. Sex is something you can get from a prostitute, or an escort service, and it has one primary function: Meet my carnal needs. Period.

Now, making love, on the other hand, is a beautiful expression of two people uniting as one, with the primary focus to meet the needs and desires of one's mate. It is a culmination of getting to know someone, of exploring and learning about our mate, of desiring to know one deeper, more intimately. It is a result of learning to love someone and it's primary focus is on the other. Love making is selfless... It is far more than merely a physical act of gratification; it is a bonding physically, emotionally, and even spiritually...

So why do so many people seek/choose sex today? Why are there so many one night stands, bar hook ups, etc? I think people are so desperate to connect, to find love, that they jump into bed before they even know the other person. How can you love someone if you don't even know if you like them? And sex has set the tone for any furtherance of a possible relationship. The intial focus is wrong; the possibility of success is not good, for the focus is "meet my needs"...

If the initial focus, when meeting someone, is to get to know them, and as a relationship begins to develop, to put their wants and desires first, as they choose to put yours ahead of theirs, then a giving, nurturting relationship develops. Just the opposite of sex, which says "satisfy me"... A nurturing environment develops and love can grow where nurtured... But love, true love takes time. Time and commitment, and those two things will never be found in a one-night stand. So if you really want to find love then promise yourself that you'll invest the time needed to discover it and allow it to grow. Don't just respond to that physical urge, that lust, that infatuation. Give yourself, and your possible relationship the best odds of making it... Don't just have sex, hold out for making love- you'll never regret it! Food for thought...