Relationship Killers #2: Emotional Blackmail...

Another thing that can be deadly to a relationship is Emotional Blackmail. This would include saying things like, "If you really loved me..." or, "Just back me on this if you really care for me..." or, If you really valued our relationship..." or, "What are we gonna tell the kids?" or any other of a myrid of statements that shift the focus from the real issue to your relationship. When one tries to make the relationship more important than the issue at hand that diversion is emotional blackmail.

The reality is, the one who makes such statements is actually threatening you, and you need to protect yourself, at least mentally. And the first step to protecting yourself is to be clear as to what is happening. You need to ask yourself, "If I don't yield to this veiled threat will they really harm our relationship?" Is my love/affection really being challenged, or is it a ploy to manipulate me into a desired action/reaction by my mate? You need to refocus the attention back onto the issue at hand, and take the relationship aspect off the table.

You might want to respond with something like, "My love/affection (etc.) has nothing to do with the issue at hand. The problem is..." Restating the issue can and refusing to yield to blackmail will either make you stronger, or possibly elict a very negative reaction from your mate, even to the point that they sever the relationship. If something that extreme happens because you stand up to their emotional blackmail the odds are strong that that was a very unhealthy relationship to start with and wouldn't have withstood the test of time. People who use this tactic are emotional bullies, and usually prey upon those who are co-dependent, or suffer from low self-esteem. Don't give in to emotional blackmail- it's never worth sacrificing your core values or beliefs just to appease your mate. The truth is, if they really loved you they wouldn't stoop to such tactics... Food for thought...