The Receipe for Good Deeds...

There is something inherently satisfying about doing a good deed for another, without any thought or desire to be repaid... There's a satisfaction that comes from giving- from the heart- that is all the reward you need. Yet in today's world we tend to rush through our days, intent on our own jobs, hobbies, and pursuits- living our lives at such a hectic pace that doing for another just doesn't occur to us as practical or even possible. All too often we work so hard today with our focus on tomorrow that we miss out on life. Life is that thing that is happening while we're rehashing yesterday and worrying about tomorrow...
Learning to slow down and appreciate the day allows one to see what is happening around them. We often look, but it's a rare few who actually see. When we do see others, and step out of our comfort zone and help someone out, the satisfaction extends far beyond the "thank-you". We begin to develop a reputation as a good neighbor, a good friend, a nice person- but even more, someone who can be relied upon... And we feel good about ourselves, and we build self-esteem, and we build the desire to do more. It's called learning to live in community, learning to be self-less, instesd of selfish... It's a good thing. Trust me. Food for thought...

Three Wishes- The great "What if"...

I was thinking today, what if I found an Aladin's Lamp and a genie were to grant me three wishes? Would I ask for wealth, or fame, or long life?  Are there parameters, or consequences attached to a Genie's lamp?

I think, if I were granted three wishes, any three wishes, my first would be to to have someone to love and be loved unconditionally, as Jesus loved and taught us to love. This would be the greatest wish, for it would greatly enhance my understanding of God, for we are taught that God is love.

My second wish would be for peace, for all my life I've lived in a world of wars and warfare, of terrorists and fear. Peace would be a welcome relief and a comfort. All in all, a great second wish.

My third wish, of course, would be for three more wishes...

From broken to broken...

I was out of town, visiting a friend yesterday, spending the afternoon picnicing in the park, then into the early evening, just conversing on a myrid of subjects... It was a good day, and a very nice day, but most importantly it was a reminder to me how important social interaction is... At one point our conversation turned to how I was "relationally challenged", (my viewpoint) and the ensuing discussion, as well as the pleasantness of the interaction gave me pause to reconsider my current socially hermetic existence...
It's funny, but I've studied human relations, I've counseled and written on relationships, I seem to know intellectually what is healthy and what is not, but my past seems to indicate I am a poor student of my own learning... Relationally, I tend to gravitate to "broken" women (or so I've been told), probably with a subconscious desire to repair the brokeness... What I have failed to realize, at least until this past year or so, is that some women (and men) are broken because of their own wants or choices, and repair is not an option until they want to be repaired. I cannot be the "White Knight" unless a white knight is desired or called for...
What I have learned is that someone in a "broken" state, who doesn't necessarily want to be fixed, tends to be a relational user, and even an abuser... My daughter enlightened me recently about how "used" I was in my last several relationships, even calling me a "doormat" in one... My response was that if I want to give, if I choose to be generous, then am I really being used, or is it my choice? But I am wrong, for choice or not, I am being used, and I am actually enabling the user in their destructive behavior. In essence, in my generousity I am actually encouraging relationally destructive behavior...
Now, in reality, if we've lived at all, we can all claim to be broken in some way or another. Personally, I know how flawed I am, and being aware of my faults keeps me humble and helps me deal constructively with them. I certainly can make no claims to knowing all, but I have learned that acknowledging my faults, my weaknesses, doesn't make me weaker, or less of a person. Rather the opposite is true- living in the reality of my weakness allows me to operate from a position of strength. Acknowledging my faults doesn't destroy my self-esteem, it allows me the ability to grow and learn from my weakness, making me inherently stronger in the long run...
Pehaps a socially hermetic existence is ultimately not the best road for me, but for now, at least I'm only guilty of screwing myself up! Food for thought...

Babblings of a grieving man...

It has now been a full week since I lost my pal and I know life goes on, but how incredibly different my house is now that he's gone. I still find myself reaching to pet him, looking before I get up so I don't inadvertantly step on him, waking up numerous times a night searching for him... I've had numerous people express their condolences, and I am grateful, and many who knew Winston have encouraged me to get another "pal", but to all I say no. Winston is irreplacebale. Period. I have never seen a more intellegent, understanding, and completely loving dog in my life like Winston was. There was an occassional dog he might have growled or snapped at when his personal space was violated, but never one time did he growl or snap at a human. He loved all unconditionally. But he loved me most...

I've hated to go to bed at night, because of the difficulty sleeping, but this past Saturday night I entertained two of my nephews (ages 10 & 12 I think). We decided to have a "Lord of the Rings" party and watch the entire trilogy non-stop. (I forgot how long those movies were!) We started about 6 pm Saturday night and finished at 3:30 am Sunday morning. Whew! But what a great time we had, and even more so it was a bit of a break for their parents... Sometimes we all need a break, be it ever so brief, to recharge our batteries... I really appreciated their company and I know they love coming.

so thanks to Graham and Peyton for taking care of your old uncle at a time of vulnerablity in his life. I own you guys another all-nighter!

WINSTON...

Today is a most difficult day for me, for I bid farewell to my best friend...

WINSTON, 2005-2011

Winston was laid to rest Saturday, June 25th, 2011, after battling a long terminal illness. Although only given 2-10 months to live in early March, 2010, through his courageous heart and indomitable spirit, Winston battled his illness for over 15 months, finally succumbing to the deteriorating effects of that illness. Because his quality of life and ability to function had deteriorated so severely it was clear that it was his time.

Winston was much loved and touched hearts everywhere he went, and with everyone he met. He was intelligent and understanding far beyond the scope of normal dogs, and the size of his heart belied his stature. Winston will be long remembered and greatly missed. No matter how poor my mood, or what I’d say, Winston always loved with an unconditional love. I can only hope and dream of ever loving so completely as he did those in his life. You will be missed, my Friend. Thank you for being such a blessing... If there’s a dog Heaven you’re there with treasures.

Circles...

I've noticed that life, and often events in life, are really circular, or cyclical. In general, we're born, unable to get around on our own, grow into childhood, do fun/dumb things through our teens and early twenties, mature into responsible adults, retire and do fun/dumb things (i.e.- our bucket lists before it's "too late"), slip into our second childhood, and finally are too weak or able to walk...

Another thing I've found that's circular is our good judgement. Our good judgement is what keeps us from making bad decisions, or using poor judgement, and we gain that good judgement through experience. We usually gain experience through choices we've made in our past, usually out of our bad judgement...

My Dad's intelligence has lived a circular life also. When I was young my Dad knew eveything. There was nothing I couldn't get an answer to if I asked. Yet as I grew older my Dad knew less and less, until I realized he knew practically nothing as I reached my late teens and early twenties. I married at 21, and moved away to go to college, determined I would not let myself become dumb like my Dad did. Funny thing though, after moving back, I was 24 or 25 when I realized quite suddenly that my Dad did know things, that he was actually very smart and incredibly long on common sense. How he managed to learn so much in just 3 or 4 years is still a mystery to me..

So many things in life a cyclical, and often, when cycles are bad, we still find it tough to break the cycle. How many times have we heard someone comment, "We didn't learn from our mistakes", or, "History repeats itself"... It takes extrordinary action to break a cycle, and far too often we find it's easier to take the easy road. I guess, all things considered, we shouldn't be surprised when we find ourselves right back where we started... Food for thought...

How teachable are we?

Sometimes it feels like everyone's a critic, doesn't it? Ever have a day where nothing you do seems right, where everyone finds fault with what you say, when nothing just doesn't go right? Sometimes days like that happen, but for some it's almost a way of life. They just seem to live contrary to society. What makes them so? What causes us to have those occassional bouts of contridiction or criticism?
I believe the answer is as simple as "an unteachable spirit". Sometimes criticism isn't bad, or isn't meant to be harmful, but our spirit is unwilling to accept it, so we take offense, and the seed of a problem is planted. Now I'm not saying others can't be harmful in their criticism, or ornery in their social interactions, but those times when we take offense at someone who is offering up a suggestion or comment with a  genuine heart, it is those times that show an unteachable spirit.
We have to be willing to open ourselves up to others, to learn to listen for the intent of a comment, for sometimes people can be blundering in their communication attempts. Too often people are afraid of not being "politically correct", or afraid of having their words twisted or misconstrued that they are overly cautious in their presentation and fail to adequately or accurately communicate their point. Lost is the art of speaking one's heart, of genuine and open communication. In todays world if we want to communicate we must learn to do so in 160 characters or less of a text message! Lol, bff, ttyl, ftf, omg, brb, et al, is the new language, and I'm here to tell you that it isn't working. We cannot effectively communicate in texts, nor are e-mails much better. The tone, the inflection, the non-verbal body language cannot be communicated through a few short abreviated words, and communication is lost, as one puts their own spin or bent to the message...
How can we get back to talking, to listening and responding? To playing attention to those non-verbal signals that communicate so much? Pyschologists say that the words are less than 10% of effective communication; the rest is tone, inflection, body language. Why do we focus on the least effective area of comunication in our effeorts to communicate with each other? Perhaps it all starts with each one of us. The next time we are tempted to dash off a text why not just call? We  might rediscover a whole new world of communication! Food for thought...

A PS. to this note- my daughter was married this past Friday night, and I can say, totally unbiased, that there has never been a more beautiful bride! This is her and her new husband...

Life is in the moments...

It was so dark, the night sky occassionally ripped by flashes of lightning, the air sultry, electric with the approaching storm. I sat quietly, watching the sway of the trees, listening to the chatter of the leaves and branches. Enjoy, taste the moment. And then, softly, sporadically at first, drops began to pelt the roof of the gazebo that offered me scant protection from the onslaught that was eminent.

And then the rain... It came down in sheets, violating the sanctity of my sanctuary. Still I sat there, the

misty remnants of rain that managed to penetrate washing over me. Yet how could I leave such majesty, such raw fury? The storm was in full voice, the lightning almost continous, the patter of rain drowned in the rolling roar of thunder. The heat of the day, once so powerful and dominating, was swept away ahead of the storm, like a dried lef tumbling ahead of a fall breeze... And it was cool. And there is nothing that compares to the power and majesty of the storm.

How often do we stop and listen? How often do we take time to acknowledge, to appreciate our world around us? We need to slow down, appreciate the beauty around us. Life is that thing that is happening, right now, while we're making plans to do other things... Food for thought.

Tongue, firmly planted in cheek...

I read some comments from a lady who, if I am perceptive at all, didn't have a very high opinion of men. One thing she said was, "Men are like mascara- they run at the first sign of emotion". Now, on behalf of men everywhere I feel compelled to speak up. Two words: Waterproof mascara!. It doesn't run for anything. And for the record, some men are like that waterproof mascara- they'll stick through anything.
And while I'm de-bunking witty little relationship remarks how about the one that says women dress for their men. Women dress for themselves; if they dressed for men they would dress faster... And don't ask us if your clothes make you look fat- there's no correct answer for a guy. If you like the way you look you'd never ask the question; if you have it in your mind that the clothes aren't complimentary either we're a liar or a cad if we answer. It's a lose-lose propisition...

I'm not sure I fully understand the comment, "A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband". I understand the advantage of the guy being deaf, but are women insinuating we men just let ourselves go? That's almost enough to get me off the couch and exercise just to prove them wrong. (Not to worry men- I said "almost". I'm not going anywhere).

Or how about, "The difference between a bachelor and a married man is one longs for the impossible and the other has married her". Now in defense of women everywhere let me say not all of you are impossible (a scary high percentage maybe, but not all!). Boy, I'll pay for that one...

Really though, in today's world a happy marriage would be one who's love flows as deeply as one's debt... And a man does need a wife, and a wife needs a husband. After all, we can't blame everything on the Government... Food for thought...

Guilt...

I indicated, a few days ago, that I would blog on guilt, for it is something we all experience to some degree, and all have to learn to deal with. Guilt is a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, be it real or imagined. We all have built into us a moral compass, called a conscience, which directs us and helps us navigate through social circumstances. We all have, at one time or another, chosen to ignore our compass, and the result is that feeling of remorse for violating that which we knew was right.
The problem comes in when we choose to ignore our compass on a consistent basis, for we become callous to the remorse, to the warnings of our conscience. The more calloused we become the harder to hear our conscience, and yet there remains in us that feeling of responsibilty that we continue to bury until we can't stuff it any more and we're forced to deal with it. We all deal with it differently. Some go to counseling, some confess in church, some break down, some blow up, angry at who or whatever gets in their way.
The Bible talks about this phenomena, particularly King David, who writes about it in the Psalms 32. Here's the scene:

David is out on the palace balcony and looks down to the roof below where he sees Bathsheeba taking a bath. Well, it isn't enough for ole Dave to just watch, he's consumed with lust so he sends for her and has sex with her. Now Bathsheeba is married, and this little tryst with the King results in her getting pregnant. She tells David and he recalls her husband from the wars, for he serves David in his army. Well, the husband, Uriah, comes home, meets with Dave, who sends him home to see his wife before heading back to battle, but Uriah chooses not to sleep with her (foiling David's plan) because his men were still on the battlefield and didn't share the opportunity for the same luxury. So David sends word to his General to send Uriah and his men into the thickest of the battle, then draw back and not support him. They follow orders and Uriah is killed in battle. David marries Bathsheeba and in time, is racked with guilt.

The interesting thing is not that David is plagued by his sin- lust, infidelity, murder-  but that it's the guilt of his sin that eats away at him. He writes,"When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me, my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord'- and you forgave the guilt of my sin." Note that it is the guilt of his sin, not the sin itself that ate David up. Why? Because he screwed up his moral compass, and needed to set it right. If we are children of God our sins are forgiven, for Jesus paid that price on the cross, but we still need to confess our sins, to God and to each other, to reset our moral compass, to ease our conscience... Satan knows your sins are forgiven, so he can only convict you through the guilt of your sin. That's why confession is so important- it offsets the dibilitating effects of guilt. So whether it's to a counselor, at church, or in the confidences of a friend, conferss that which troubles you. And be set free from the guilt of your sin... Food for thought...

Chimes - God's doorbell...

I think most people today want to know that there's a God, that things aren't just happenstance, or accidental, but that there is a greater power in control. The problem I believe they face, as they search to validate the existance of God in their world, is that they look for the miraculous sign that screams out, "Here I am! I am God!". God doesn't (usually) work that way however. The best illustration I can think of is found in I Kings 19, when the Lord appeared to Elijah.

Elijah was instructed to go stand on the mountain and the presence of the Lord would pass by. He did, and first there was a powerful wind, that shattered rocks and tore the mountain apart. But God was not in the wind. Then there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After that there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. After the fire came a gentle breeze, and Elijah covered his face, for the Lord was in the gentle breeze...

We want God to show Himself in grandeous ways, so that we can have no doubt as to His existence and presence; He expresses Himself in small. quiet ways, and we have to choose to except Him on faith, that those small, quiet events are Him and of Him, or they're not... There's little need for faith when we witness a miracle.

I want to be reminded of how God works, so I've hung up 3 or 4 sets of chimes on my deck, small chimes that tinkle so pretty at the slightest breeze, for God is in the gentle breeze... Food for thought. -

Pharisees- an undying breed...

I've written in the past that I am a Christ-follower but that I detest all the do's aand don'ts of religion. Perhaps I am doing "religion" a disservice, for it is not really a specific religion that I detest, rather it is those who choose to have a narrow-minded view of right and wrong, of sin and righteousness, and usually of their own "moral superiority", even if it only exists in their minds... In Jesus' day they were called Pharisees, those Jewish spitiual leaders who thought they had all the right answers and held others accountable to their own standards... They still exist today...

I attend a non-denominal local church and we're pretty big, so we have small group meetings called "Growth Groups" during the week to help build community, discuss the message, etc. I attend one such group and, last Monday night  found a modern day Pharisee attends my group too. We discussed a number of subjects during the course of the meeting, and I could see some of my comments really ground on him. I commented on how many times a sermon will be prepared and then scripture added to support it- even if it didn't always fit. Or how some sermons are never heard- like how Jesus was going to attend a wedding party when he performed his first miracle. The Bible is clear that Jesus was going to celebrate, and back in his day a wedding party could go for days. The host would serve his best wine and when everyone got snockerd they'd bring out the cheaper stuff 'cause people wouldn't notice. When Jesus, at his mother's request, turned the water into wine it created a stir, because it was better than the good stuff already consumed! Obviously the party was in the "who cares" stage... Ever hear a sermon about Jesus' partying? When I commented that Paul said, "a little wine is good for the stomach", my Pharisee friend said I was just making excuses for social drinking (I don't imbibe at all, but I don't mind or judge those who do!).

Later, after the meeting was officially over I was talking with another guy about the possibility of other life in the universe. I said with all the knowledge out there that we don't know it would be sheer human arrogance to assume we are alone. My Pharisee piped in and said the creation account is clear- we are the only creation of God. So when I said let's look at Genesis and see, and I proceeded to quote the account, specifically where the Bible says God seperated the waters from the waters with an expense that He called "heaven", and then gathered the waters together under the expanse and called them seas, and the dry ground he called land. And then I asked, what did God do with the waters on the other side of the heavens? Without a hesitation he said "Water vapor", like God had given him some Divine insight. I asked if the possibility could exist that God created another creation and he answered, "No, this one is perfect. God doesn't make mistakes". So I asked him to explain the verses that speak of the earth groaning in its brokenness, or if this creation is perfect why is there sin?

I asked about dinasaurs, and if the Biblical account is all encompassing why aren't they mentioned, outside of the leviathan, a sea creature of old? He asked what I thought and I said I don't know, but perhaps it's possible that God created them and destroyed them via flood. He told Noah he would never flood the earth again which suggests that perhaps He'd done so in the past... I now offended my Pharisee, for I suggested (in his mind) that God had created a mistake and destroyed it- and God doesn't make mistakes (and yet our world is so imperfect!).

These were just some of the topics covered, but when the old guy informed me that "when he was in Bible college" kids questioned things but still there's only one right and one wrong answer. Then he said, so condesendingly, to me, "You can believe what you want but there's only one right"- the inference being, of course, that he is right. Well, my Friend, there was another who was so arrogant in his "rightness", and he too was a Pharisee, but God set him straight. His name was Saul Paulus, or more commonly known as the Apostle Paul. So though your narrow-minded, self-righteous attitude is irritating to me, I can live with it, for God has a way of dealing with Pharisees in his own time and way...

To be clear- I don't pretend to have all the answers, I just think it's healthy to seek, to question, for that is how we learn... Food for thought...

Fun: From whence it flows...

Fun: -noun- 1. something that provides mirth or amusement.

2. enjoyment or playfulness.

-verb- 3. Informal. joke; kid.

-adjective- 4.Informal. of or pertaining to fun, especially social fun.

5. Informal. whimsical, flamboyant.

I've dabbled in the world of on-line dating recently (at least reading profiles and perhaps exchanging an e-mail or two. My dating drought has now reached more than a year. I'm learning patience, right Lord?) and one of the common threads that seem to permeate so many searches is the search for fun. People want to enjoy themselves, they want to enjoy life, especially so many of these who now find themselves alone and not liking it. And yet, even though the definition of fun calls it a "thing" I beg to differ. You could take a dozen people to a specific activity (say like a farmer's market) and some might find it fun while others may be completely bored. The activity is constant, the reaction is not, so we can conclude that the activity itself is not "fun". therefore "fun" is found within the person.

We've all probably met someone who seems to be at ease in any circumstance, who seems to promote a good time with all who interact, who livens up any social setting. These are "fun" people. Any activity can go from dull to fun with the injection of the right person/people. So fun isn't really a thing. Fun comes from within us.

Usually people who aren't neccessarily known as "fun" can still have fun. It usually comes in the context of sharing similar likes with another. Similar activity preferences can lead to fun. So to all those people who seek fun in their mate I offer this advice: Look inside yourself first, for that which you enjoy, then seek those who enjoy similar, and you will find fun. It isn't everyone who is lucky enough to find someone who's just naturally "fun" in most all circumstances. I'm lucky; I'm one of the "fun"ones!

Blame...

One of the basest and most difficult emotions we deal with is guilt, (and I will blog on that very emotion at a later time). The most common response to guilt- from our earliest days to the end of our days- is the casting of blame. Casting the responsibility of our actions on another to avoid negative consequenses seems to be bred into our DNA. Children seem equally adept as adults in blaming another when caught violating a social law or tenet.

It is interesting to note that very often when someone is caught in a wrong the desire and resulting action is to channel the blame for those actions toward the party that was wronged, especially in relational settings. How many times have you heard something to the effect as, "I wouldn't have done ____ if only you were more ____, or you hadn't done ____". The rationalization is that if wronged party caused the wrong then casting the responsibility for those wrong actions on them in essence "balances the scales" of justice or moral rightness. Both parties feel guilty then, and both parties are wrong.

It isn't true, of course, for casting of blame never allieviates guilt; it only suppresses it until such a time that it overwhelms us and must be dealt with. Relationally, learning to accept responsibility for our own wrong doings will do more good than harm, for we show our mate that honesty and responsibility and the welfare of our mate are most important to us. By not casting blame we save the other from hurt, indignation, defensiveness, and emotional distress. It's time we learn to man up and face the music... Food for thought...

Listening: The Lost Art of Communicating

Though she's often rude, brash, and incredibly egotistical, I still find myself liking Judge Judy Scheinlin. She has some favorite sayings she uses to those who appear in front of her bench. Two of my favorites are: "Put on your listening ears", and, "God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason". Judge Judy reminds us all that the art of listening is a lost art at best. Why do so few know how to really listen?

One reason is because we've learned to operate within our own agenda. We don't really care what others are saying if it doesn't impact or further our agenda. We learn to "tune out" those things we consider unimportant.

We operate in such a fast-paced world that we have become calloused to those around us, as we run through our days and nights, until we finally stop, exhausted and only wanting to rest, communication the furthest thing from our minds...

When we do take the time to listen to another all too often we hear something that catches our attention and immediately begin to form a mental response, impatiently waiting to voice our thoughts. All that is said after that which piqued our interest and started our mental train running is lost.

Listening is half of the art of communication. So many people today complain that communication is lacking in their relationships, usually meaning that their mate isn't sharing. Yet how well are they listening? Listening takes practice. We must develop the practice of actually concentrating on what is being said to us, and patience to wait until what is said is complete before forming and verbalizing our responses. I would venture to guess many of those complaining of lack of communication in their relationship, those who want their mate to talk more, need to learn to listen.

Listening properly adds great value and deminsion to a relationship. When you listen intently to what is said you are saying to your mate, "I care about what you think, about what you say". Without ever saying a word you are communicating that they are important to you, that you respect them enough to listen to what they say. Good listening makes the speaker feel important, valued. And what relationship couldn't use that?

Food for thought...

When tolerance goes wrong...

I thought that I would become more tolerant, more accepting, as I grow older, but instead I find myself becoming more and more frustrated, less and less tolerant at the seeming stupidity of those "in authority". I used to enjoy traveling, but flying has become such a pain that it takes much of the enjoyment out of the experience. In the spirit of being"politically correct" and avoid racial profiling, we extensively search little old ladies, young children, pilots with correct papers, handicapped people, but not Muslim males in their teens and twenties. We have been terrorized by a specific group of people- Muslim male extremists- since the late 60's, from assassinations, to the Olympics attacked, to hi-jackings, embassies bombed, to the terrible act of 9-11- all at the hands of Muslim extremists. Most recently, a Muslim man jumped out of his seat and began pounding on the cockpit door of the plane he was taking, yelling "Abbah akbar", used by Muslims as a "battle cry" in their jihad against the infidel (us). But we shouldn't treat them any differently, lest we be accused of racial profiling.

How stupid are we? These are the people we should pay attention to, for their extremist view of their faith calls for the death of all infidels who fail to conform to their faith. That's us. They wish us dead. Their very faith teaches them they cannot be a good Muslim and a good American, and if they choose to be an American they should be put to death. Pretty radical teaching, yet we don't protect ourselves from them...

Or how stupid are we when it comes to illegal aliens? You sneak into Mexico and get caught you get 4-5 years in a Mexican prison, then get deported. You sneak into the good old US of A and we give you subsidized housing, free medical, free hot lunch programs and education for your kids, the opportunity to work without paying any taxes, and maybe, maybe a slap on the wrist if you get caught. Meanwhile, hardworking tax-paying Americans are busting their butts working to pay for it all. What's wrong with this picture?

Or how dumb are we to re-elect, over and over, politicians who fail to balance a budget? They seem to find the money to pay for their own medical plans, pensions, and benefits, but they can't stop spending when the money is gone. If they can't learn to identify what comes in (revenues), and allocate only that amout to go out(expenses), then they have no business being in office. We're leaving our kids and grandkids a mess. And we're not leaving them (as a whole) better off than we were, for the first time in our history...

What has happened to common sense? I offer that common sense is quite uncommon after all. Food for thought...

Where's my patience?

Patience, perhaps the hardest thing in the world for me, and I don't think I'm alone with this problem... My mom, whom I love with all my heart, worries about me. She worries about me being alone, about my happiness. She told me, a couple of months ago, to be patient, to wait upon the Lord to bring the right woman into my life. It's not that I'm skeptical, for I believe He can and will answer her prayers, it's that I'm not very patient.
I read in the Bible about David, Moses, Isaiah, Micah, Paul, and so many more giants of my faith, who admonish me to wait upon the Lord, or, to be patient for Him to work in His time. I read in Jerimiah where God says, "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart". (Jerimiah 29:11-13). So if God has my best at heart, if all I have to do is seek Him and wait on Him, why is it so hard?
I think perhaps it is because I'm still too focused on me, on my desires, my wants. Perhaps it's because I haven't learned to trust Him enough to allow Him to hold my heart. Perhaps I'm too afraid to let go. Funny how those very issues we often have with others come back to haunt our relationship with God. In a word, it's baggage. Trust is my issue, for I've been burned in every serious relationship I've been in with women. From infidelity to lies to stealing from me- trust is a fragile thing in my life. And so, that's the very area my relationship is attacked... How about you? Where do you find yourself vulnerable, for that's where you will be attacked too...
So what do I do? How do I learn patience? I think I can only immerse myself in Him, allow Him to work on my weakness, to grow in my faith and perhaps my ability to be patient will grow too... I have no answers, just a hope that my faith grows... So Mom, for you on this Mother''s Day, I say this: I will continue to try and wait patiently on the Lord, for that special lady you've been praying for. Thank you for caring, for loving me so much... Happy Mother's Day.

Breaking Bad Habits...

We all have bad habits, those things that we do that we'd rather not, those things that we know are wrong but still we do them, those things that irritate us but we can't seem to stop... How do we break a bad habit? How do we change ingrained behavior?
I was a Psych major and we studied habits in general, bad habits in particular. I was taught the substitution method- if you want to break a bad habit replace it with another. In theory it works, but putting it into practice is more difficult. We tend to try to just stop doing the bad habit, leaving a vaccuum for the habit, or another, to return.

I saw an interesting illustration last week in Church though, which gave me a new perspective on how to change behavior. The pastor held up a glass filled with brown, dirty water, with all kinds of crud floating in it. This represents our lives, our bad behavior that we'd like to change. Instead of trying to dump it out, to start over if you will, and refill the glass with clean, he just began pouring clean water into the dirty, cruddy mess. As the glass overflowed an amazing thing began to happen: the crud spilled out, the dirty brown water diluted, and the more clean water was added the clearer the glass became. It became evident to me that it is entirely possible to change behavior, not by seeking to eliminate it, but by immersing ourselves in behaviors that we desire and, in time, those negative behaviors will become diluted, weakened, and finally disappear altogether. Subtraction by addition. Food for thought...