I had an encounter today, with a driver full of road rage. I didn't think I did anything wrong, but it didn't matter. It's interesting how God brings these things into my life when I am supposed to be learning something. My studies this week centered on anger and contempt, and one illustration I read was about people who experience road rage. The author, Dallas Willard, made a statement to the effect that people who experience road rage have bottled anger long before the incident, and the incident is just a vehicle to allow them to release it. With that in mind I decided to not be provoked by this ignorant driver, to just ignore him. Strangely, by ignoring him it only served to make him all the more animated and angry. He followed me a ways and yelled obscenities at the stoplights. By ignoring him I didn't allow him the release or confrontation he desired and finally, very frustrated, he drove off. I hope I responded the way the Jesus wanted, but I think I could have done better...You can't compartmentalize anger; being angry at one person will play itself out in all your relationships until the emotion is resolved. How many times in my life have I gotten angry at one person only to find myself being short and snappy at another, and usually someone I love. The next thing I know there's hurt feelings anew, perhaps more anger, new anger, and a whole new set of issues. Anger itself isn't wrong; our response to anger is where our sin begins. In Ephesians chapter 4, verses 26 and 27 Paul writes: "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.(NIV). Paul is clear; we will get angry, and anger itself isn't wrong. Yet our response to our anger, and our willingness to let it fester is wrong. When we embrace our anger, when we indulge it with our self-righteousness and vanity we allow it to wound our ego, and a wounded ego is always destructive to a healthy and productive life. Anger indulged is poison to the soul. Retaining anger, cutivating it and allowing it to continue gives Satan the foothold he desires.
Satan needs us to attack us; his tools are our inappropriate responses, our self-righteousness, our ego, our vanity. He plays on our wounds to keep us wounded and angry. Satan cannot directly attack us for we are protected by our heavenly Father, but Satan can use intimidation and our emotion agasinst us. That's why Paul is so adamant about not letting time go by when angry. Our response to our anger should be persistent love, willingness to wave off the anger for the benefit of another, releasing the negative emotion to God. Responding in love, in a manner consistent with a Kingdom heart, defuses anger, honors God, and defeats Satan...
Tomorrow I am 48... I am not angry... :-)
4 comments:
Uncle Buddy,
Thanks for the reflection. I have been finding it so much more freeing to tell myself that, indeed, i can let this go. I don't have to get angry. It seems that when i maintain calmness, I see so much more of what is going on. Other people's anger seems almost sad, and they lose their abilioty to threaten me.
This class I am in at sem is all about getting us to ask the questions of WHY we respond the way we do. The prof was saying that many men have not explored the wide range of emotions that we have so most things related to anxiety get expressed through anger. Fear, worry, stress, being threatened, confusion... the list goes on, but it is interesting that all these things are expressed in anger. Maybe as we minister to other men, we can help them see what is underneath the anger.
Have a great day,
Nate
www.xanga.com/Life_byNate
Hi again Nate.
I believe you're quite right in your assessment of men, and their inability to assess and access their emotions. Emotions have been taboo for so long that men just pack it away. Once we learn to unpack our baggage, become open and authentic men, we'll find new levels of experience, new levels of communication, and the ability to relate and love and be loved in a whole new manner... Thanks for your continuing support.
Bud
Hi Bud;
You said, "Our response to anger should be persistent love".
I believe that you are right; but this brings up a rather important question: What do you mean by persistent love, or love in itself, or in its response?
Meaning;- What is the response of love to anger?
I belive, Anonymous, that it is difficult to give a pat answer as to love's response to anger, for it will be subjective to the way anger is displayed or presented. I could give examples of various responses made in love, but I don't think that answers what you're really asking...
Perhaps the best answer I can attempt is to say when someone gets angry with me, or perhaps is angry at something but directs it at me, is my response one that is in my defense, or my best interest, or do I respond with their best interest at heart? Being defensive, no mattere how justified never resolves the emotion of anger; quite the opposite, in fact. But when we empathize with the angry one, if we tell them "I'm sorry I made you feel that way. How can I do it different for you next time?", we diffuse the emotion of the anger and can more rationally deal with the issue. This is difficult to do sometimes, for it is unnatural and goes against our base desire to defend ourselves. Did I answer your question? I hope so...
Bud
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