Do the strong cry?

I'm amazed at how capable people are when it comes to communicating with others, or about others, but become inept and closed down when faced with dealing with their own emotions or feelings. Communication is so essential to any successful relationship, and yet if we can't even recognize and acknowledge our own feelings how can we hope to ever share with another? I feel sorry for those who refuse to recognize or deal with (negative) emotions, who push them back, or cover them up with false gayiety. People who always "need" to be up, who don't know how to cry, are emotional time bombs waiting to explode. Emotional release is mandatory for a healthy emotional life. Learning to suppress crying, because it is a sign of weakness, is a fallacy and incredibly detrimental to a positive and healthy emotional life, which, in itself, is the major foundation for effective communication. The ability to release emotions allows the ability to understand and share with another in their time of emotional duress, and builds a base for meaningful communication...

The emotionally strongest man to ever live, the greatest of all commnicators, often cried, and often in response to the condition of others. Tears of empathy. And tears of sorrow. But tears... John 11:35- "Jesus wept."

My Muse... Where art thou?

There are many things that you inspire
But most of all, I think, desire
For those things you had back in your past,
That now are gone, that did not last.
True love, so pure, that filled your heart,
And that you hoped would never part,
The honesty that bound you tight
With that one you knew was right.
But most of all to regain that trust
With a man who is strong and just.

These are the things that I desire
To give to you, that you inspire.
Yet I can't give if you won't recieve,
Because for me to give you must believe
That my heart is pure, my motive true,
And that I only want the best for you.
To hold your heart with tender care,
and give you certainty that I'll be there
Whether times of joy, or facing trials,
I'll raise your spirits, I'll bring you smiles.

Yet with all the happiness I long to bring,
Or how much I want your heart to sing,
It will not happen, it cannot be
If you choose not to commit to me.
For as much as I want your kiss, your touch,
There is something else I want as much.
It's for you to hear that inner voice
That says I am your only choice.
That other options will no longer be
For your desire is to walk with me.

Far from perfect, I'm flawed and scarred
Sometimes insensitive, sometimes hard.
But there is a gift learned from above,
I know what it means to really love.
Now in my life there's something new,
It's that desire to love just you.
And yet again, I cannot give
Until you decide you want to live
Within my love, and further, yet,
Return my love with no regret.

Smell the Roses...

In past blogs I've touched on our tendency to avoid life through busyness ("Limited Perspective" 12-2-06, "Our Journey" 10-25-06) but it remains an issue for so many today. We all have an inborn need for meaning in our lives, a desire to know "why" we are, and too often we don't have answers to adequately satisfy those questions. Nor do we know where to look for answers. We all have a hole in our heart, an emptiness we fear that we cannot subdue, so we learn the art of distraction. If we can remain focused on other things we don't have to focus on ourselves. We don't have to address the condition of our heart for we've effectively blocked it with our minds and actions. Stay busy and we don't have to worry about the "why", for we use all our energies running away from ourselves...

Unfortunately, we are human, and our bodies can only go for so long at top speed. Sooner or later we run out of gas, we're forced to slow down, to recooperate, and we find the same gaping hole in our life still there. We are faced with ourselves, and we don't have answers... We become anxious, afraid. We stress, for we don't know what it is we're geared for. So what is this human condition that drives us to fill ourselves up in so many different ways? Some are workaholics, putting in 80 to 100 hours a week, dragging themselves home exhausted just to repeat the cycle the next day. Some are alcoholics, or drug users, choosing to lose themselves in the temporary artificial escape of self-induced dementia. Others party, wrapping themselves up in other people, often people as lost and seeking as themselves, banding together in pseudo comfort, thinking they're finding satisfaction in life. It's all a mirage... Some get caught up in social agendas, trying to fill the hole with "good" deeds, but in the end it's unsatisfying... Everyone who tries to fill the void on their own fails. Everyone. It's a universal truth.

So what is the void? It is the seperation from community with God, caused by Adam's sin, and passed down to each and every person born on this earth since. We were made for community, and only restoration of community fills that void. And it doesn't just fill it, it overflows it, and we experience life, not merely existence. Jesus said that anyone who drinks of the water of life that he provides will never thirst again; further, from his heart (where our hole is) will well a spring of living water welling up to eternal life (John 4:14). Have you ever tried to contain a spring? It just keeps welling up, bubbling to overflowing, reaching out and touching all that's around it. That's how Jesus fills us. We're filled up from the inside, so we naturally flow to our world around us. The hole is gone, filled with something that makes us whole to overflowing... We can then learn about peace, and contentment, about loving others because we now know we can love ourselves, for we are loved, with a greater love than can be shared by any man, and our heart's natural desire is to reciprocate with love. We can learn that the stress and anxiety of our world is fleeting, is temporal, and we are not subject to it's power anymore... All of a sudden life, the journey, is good, and we can slow down and enjoy it, and learn to smell the roses...

Appreciation...

I sat in the office of a client today, an older gentleman, as he told me of trials he and his loved ones faced over the last couple of years. He needs a valve in his heart, and is checked every six months to monitor the deterioration since his last visit. His wife experienced retinal bleeding in both eyes about a year and a half ago and is blind now in one eye and severely restricted in the other. Yet as we talked he wasn't bitter or upset, rather grateful that things aren't worse in his life, for they could be. I shared with him about my dad, who just seventeen months ago lay in a coma, thirty some broken bones, and odds of recovery slim at best. Today he's a walking miracle, and I'm grateful things aren't worse.

It made me think about the trivial things we complain about, especially in light of how much we're blessed with. Long ago I realized that no matter how good I was or did something there was always someone better. Likewise, as bad as we may think things are we can always find someone a little worse off... We need to appreciate what we have, we need to focus on our postitives, and if we need to improve our situation, determine a positive course of action and move toward our desired goal. We need to ask ourselves, "is what I'm doing/saying moving me closer to or farther from my goal?" Rarely will a critical spirit or a complaining attitude move us in a positive direction. And yet, it seems to be the course we often choose to take. And things get worse. And we get more critical, and complain louder, longer. And thing get worse. (A pattern seems to be emerging).

I think we need to make a conscious effort to recognize pettiness in our lives, and learn tolerance, and patience toward others, but more importantly, tolerance and patience toward ourselves. To allow others to get to us, to anger or upset us, is giving them a power over us that they have no right to, and which they often use in an abusive manner toward us, either consciously or subconsciously. Tolerance and patience allows acceptance and control, self-control. Out of our acceptance and self-control flows the ability to truly and deeply love. To love ourselves first, then love others, for if we cannot love ourselves how then can we expect to love others or have others love us?

Options...

Options are funny things. Like traveling a road and coming to a fork, we've got options... We go left, or right, or back, or stay right where we are. Two roads, four options. The more the choices presented, the more the options exponentially grow. Yet every decision, depite the possibility of numerous options, there are two basic choices; we stay where we are or we move forward. Moving forward continues the experience of life's journey, standing pat puts us in a holding pattern, and a static pattern creates a rut.
I think "keeping our options open" is something we tell ourselves when we are afraid of our choices, our options, and so place ourselves in a holding pattern. Yet it becomes more and more difficult to hold our options open, for life has a way of moving forward, even when we are hesitant to do so ourselves. Sometimes our options are taken from us, the choice is made by the circumstances of life's constant move forward, and our desire to "hold open" our other choices is removed, and the choice is made for us. Perhaps not what we ultimately desire, but what we are left with as a result of our inability to decide when life presented us with choices.
There are always options in life; there's not always choice is we fail to be proactive and decisive.

Old dogs can still learn...

Tonight I am most grateful that I'm not too old to learn new truths. Sometimes truth is so obvious that it's missed because we just look everywhere but right in front of us... Tonight I realized a truth that I should have many years ago; I learned why I am willing to be vulnerable, willing to love despite repeated hurts.
I am almost fifty years old, and I can count the number of significant personal relationships I've had on one hand (and have fingers left), and though there were many good memories the emotional and physical abuse I suffered made me wonder how I could ever, or would ever love again. And yet somehow I knew that happiness is ultimately found in community, in personal relationships where I allow others to get to know me. I knew the deep, sacrificial love of a parent for their child, I knew the love of a son, as my parents stood by me all through my life. I knew the love of a husband to his wife, and I knew the pain of unrequited love. I thought I understood love pretty well, but tonight I realized it isn't about my understanding, it isn't about my capacity to love or forgive.
The ability to be vulnerable, to truly love, deeply, compassionately, selflessly cannot be achieved until I fully accept in my heart that pure and perfect and sacrificial love of my Lord. It is not enough to understand it intellectually; embracing love is key. "Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." (IJohn 4:16) It's not about me and my capacity to love, but about His unlimited boundless capacity to love me, and as I learn to just live in that love my capacity to love grows exponentially. Yes, I'm told I look like an easy mark to some, and some may think they can take advantage, but are they really, if I am aware, and if I choose out of love, to allow it? Then the choice is mine, just as Jesus Christ, who, out of his endless love for me, chose to willingly walk into the hands of those who ridiculed and persecuted him, and ultimately put him to death. He loved me enough to die; I long to recipricate that love, to Him, and to others.

Focus...

No matter how you cut it, as a society we've really screwed up our focus. If we were to write down those things that worry us today, seal it in an envolope, and open it in a year how relevant do you think those things would be? Would they even be remembered? We worry today about so many temporal unimportant things, for our trust is in ourselves, in our things, rather than in the One who can sustain us, not just in the here and now, but for eternity.
We don't often think about concepts like eternity, for they are infinite and our minds are finite and unable to grasp the enormity of what terms like infinity and eternity and nothingness mean. But try wrapping your mind around Eternity for a moment. Let's say you've got a boulder, a thousand feet high, a thousand feet deep, and a thousand feet wide. Starting now, and once every thousand years, you drip a drop of water on it. When that boulder has been completely eroded by your water Eternity will still be in it's infancy...
We're like somone who picks up a shattered mirror and looks at their reflection. Though the image is fractured and distorted we think we see clearly, that the image is accurate. It becomes our focus, and our focus is wrong... We worry about things, we save and accumulate, we try to hedge against a future we cannot know... Our world can be turned completely around in a heartbeat: someone runs a red light and you're there, or a wire shorts out and your home is gone, or you hear the words. "I'm sorry, it's malignant." We cannot know what the future holds, yet we work so hard to cover "every" contingency, and still we fail...
So where should our focus be, if not on the uncertainty of this life? Perhaps we should focus on what will affect our eternity rather than the temporal. Our Father promises to take care of us today so we can concentrate on what is important. Luke 12:24 tells us to, "consider the ravens. They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn: and yet God feeds them. How much more valuable are you than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" In Matthew, Mark, and Luke, all record the story of the rich man who wanted to know how to inherit eternal life. He kept the commandments, did all that the world considered good and right, and wanted to know if that was enough. Jesus told him to sell his "bling" and give it to the poor. And the man went away sad, for he was very wealthy.
It's not that being wealthy is wrong, nor is owning things wrong, but it is wrong when your things own you. It's all about the heart, the focus. When things become more important than Jesus then your focus is wrong. Pure and simple. Things come and go, but Jesus is eternal. What we do in the eyes of this world- status, success, wealth- have no bearing on our eternal soul. God looks at the heart, for where our treasure is there our heart will be also (Luke 12:34). God wants us to treasure Him, not things. If we learn to get our priorities straight, and our trust placed correctly, then God will cover all our needs, wants, and desires. In Malachi Chapter 3, verse 10 the Lord is literally pleading with us for our faithfulness and trust. He says, "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."
So with a promise like that why don't we trust Him? Pehaps we don't want to admit our view is fractured and distorted... As Judge Judy so eloquently stated, "Beauty fades, but dumb is forever"...

The birth of an Emotion...

Funny thing, but way back in the Garden of Eden, when Satan tempted Adam and Eve with the choice to eat of the forbidden fruit and learn of good and evil, more than sin entered the world with their decision. An new emotion was born as a result of their choice, an emotion that has since caused more grief to mankind than any other- the emotion of "guilt".

Even before God confronted Adam over his choice, and the violation of God's law, Adam felt guilt, for by choosing to violate God's command he immediately severed community with God. Prior to his eating of the fruit Adam experienced perfect community with the Divine; he could enter into God's presence perfect and unashamed. But after his sin, his willfull disobedience, he could no longer face God, for God cannot be in the presence of sin. Adam felt shame, and guilt, the emotional response to his wrong.

Interestingly, this emotion has become Satan's strongest resource to defeat Christians and drive a wedge between those who don't know Jesus personally and God. God does not allow Satan free will to attack us, so his most effective tools are guilt and intimidation, both designed to stimulate negative emotional responses with us. We become our own stumbling block in our restoration of our relationship(s) with God and man. So many times I heard someone say they "don't deserve" grace, or they are "too bad" for God to ever love them... That is guilt, pure and simple. God has already loved us enough to pay the price for our sin; he has bridged that gap that Adam created and restored to each of us the possibility of entering into community with him again, by sending his son to die on the cross, the perfect sacrifice made out of of a perfect love, to appease perfect justice. So if the price is paid, if the love and grace are extended to anyone who chooses to receive, then why don't we? Guilt, the guilt of our sin.

Look at what David said, as he was tormented by his guilt over his affair with Bathsheeba:

"Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD"-- and you forgave the guilt of my sin." (Ps. 32 NIV)

Note that David didn't rejoice or find relief in the forgiving of his sin- God had already forgiven the sin. It was when he confessed his sin, when he acknowledged his wrong then God was able to remove the guilt of his sin. Guilt is the emotional hook that Satan uses to try and control us. And, interestingly enough, it is the hook we use to try and control each other, whether within the family, friendships, and even business. We have become so used to the cause and effect of guilt that we can experience it even when we have done no wrong... Learning to unpack our guilt is a freeing experience, for we break the age-old bond that ties us up and prevents living fully and abundantly... Food for thought...

Trust II...

I wrote on the subject of trust last August, and in retrospect find it all relavent still, so I'll try not to repeat myself, at least not too much... One comment I made though, that I'd like to expound on a bit, is how fragile trust is. I must revisit that thought a moment, for as fragile as trust can be it is the glue that holds a relationship together and there are many, many relationships that have stood the test of time. Why? Because the trust, the glue that bonds two people together, is so strong. It made me realize that to outside influnences trust can be strong and unbreakable; it is vulnerable only from within the relationship. Only one of those within the circle of trust can break it. It is like our personal castle; we are safe within our relationship from outside attacks. It is not until one who is in the castle decides to lower the drawbridge that the castle becomes vulnerable. Until then it is impervious to attack or seige.

I learned something else about trust. In my previous blog I spoke of the hurt of being betrayed, and the natural tendency to withdraw. I've learned that there's hurt too, when we're the betrayer, especially if it's unintentional. To experience betrayal, and all the hurt that accompanies it, then to inflict that hurt on another that we care about, no matter how unintentional, is even more devistating. We know and understand the pain of the betrayed, in essence we relive it through the memories of our past experiences, but we add to it the guilt of inflicting it on a loved one. It's a boatload of negative emotion. The only salve is the understanding and grace of the one betrayed, the willingness of the other to remain vulnerable. It makes us appreciate all the more the concept of grace...

Personally, through my past life experiences, I still have issues with trust, and perhaps always will, but I think the main element of trust is commitment, and perhaps with the growth of commitment trust will naturally repair itself... I don't know; I'll have to think about this some more... Food for thought...

My Best Friend...

Can you imagine if someone came along the sports scene who was perfect? In basketball, he never missed a shot, never turned the ball over, never played out of control, not just for a game, or a season, but for his career. Or in baseball, he never misplayed a ball, never got picked off base, never made an out, not just for one game, or one season, but for his career. Or football; he never threw an interception, never fumbled, never dropped a pass, or never missed a tackle, not for a game, or a season, but for a career. Can you imagine the reaction? Of course, his team would love him, for he's a ringer, a can't miss. With the game on the line he will never let you down. But think of the opposition; they couldn't help but hate him, for he's makes the game unfair, he takes the element of chance out of it, he almost certainly spells defeat for you if the ball is in his hands. Your only option is to try and take him out of the game, to give up the ball, to make one of his teammates beat you- and they aren't perfect... He's the ultimate nightmare to defense against.
Well, he was here, though there's no record of him playing professional sports. He walked this earth, perfect. Can you imagine how frustrating it would be to be his brother or sister? No matter what you did wrong, you were busted, 'cause if he knew about it and Mom asked, well, he never told a lie. He was the oldest, never made a mistake, never had an impure thought, or said an impure word, never cursed, or smoked, but he did drink and party, but in perfect moderation. He was Mom and Dad's favorite, the teacher's pet, the perfect friend. And you had to follow that act.
But more than that, he was perfect love, and perfect grace, and perfect forgiveness. He did no wrong, yet loved enough to sacrifice himself for others' wrongs, to pay the price for our errors, our fumbles, our turnovers. Though he never missed he was willing to take the heat for us when we did. He stepped up as the perfect friend, and offers us a choice; accept his willingness to take our heat as a free gift, or reject it and we can face the music for our screwups ourselves. Be his friend, enter into a relationship with him, or reject his offer like the opposition did. It's pretty cut and dried.
The whole deal is, we make it tougher than it is. We are called to be like him, so we focus on his perfection which we can never hope to attain. We build up a bunch of rules, regulations to make us "better" but we will never attain what we percieve as perfect. The reality is, when he calls us to be like him he doesn't want perfection from us, for he knows that's impossible. He wants us to learn to love, and forgive, and extend grace like he did. This is what it means to be like him. Stick the rules and regulations and learn to love one another without reservation. It's the difference between "Religion" and Christianity as he lived it. He snubbed the rules regularly; he violated the religious mores of his day repeatedly, but he he never failed to love, or extend grace, or forgive a wrong. It's walking the walk, not just talking the talk.
It amazes me how short-sighted we are. We live on this earth seventy to eighty years as a rule, and while on earth we are each faced with the personal dilemma of is this all there is? Or if there's something more after this life, what is it? Why are we here? It seems like we've got plenty of time to figure it out, but we get so busy with life that our time passes and we let the eternal just slide and focus on the temporal, the here and now. What is more important, what you do for these seventy or so years you're given, or where you'll spend eternity? That's a whole lot of seventy years strung together! We don't commit to him, who is either exactly who he said he was- or he was a raving liar and lunitic. Personally, there way too many facts to support his claims as true to discount him as liar and lunitic, so if he's who he claimed, then what he says must also be true. So why take the chance of screwing up eternity because we're so short-sighted today? Meet Jesus.

Elvis...

I was listening to a CD of Elvis the other day, his love songs, and, as I listened to his words, I couldn't help notice how sad the lyrics were. It got me thinking of other "love songs" and how many are so sad, or about unrequited love, failed relationships, broken hearts... We should rename them "love-lost songs". But more importantly, it got me to thinking how important love is to our lives. To be loved gives a sense of belonging; it give a sense of security that I am accepted despite my scars and warts and shortcomings. It means that I am not alone emotionally. Man is a social creature, and was not created to walk alone through life. Love is an essential ingredient in our happiness.

I tried to think of someone I might know, or know of, that seemed truly happy yet wasn't loved by anybody. No one came to mind. And I thought of all the people who seek to be happy, who seek fulfillment or contentment through work, or fame, or acomplishment, through humanitarian acts, relationships, partying, friends, any number of ways to fill their time. Yet the answer is so simple. You want to be happy? Love. Love and you will be loved.

To really love though, to love that brings joy, pure love is messy. Too often people try to love neatly- they love with their own imposed limits, they apply restrictions to what they'll give, and that doesn't work. You're ultimately short-changing your happiness. Love like Jesus loved, without judgement, without prejudice, without reserve. Jesus never judged anyone that he wasn't willing to die out of love for first. (And for that matter, the only people Jesus really judged were the religious leaders of his day; now there's food for thought). To learn to love with total abandon is messy, because those that need love the most are rarely a neat package. But to love, and have that love returned is a joy that cannot be contained. Love, true love, is contagious, and can't be contained. It just spills out into every area of our life, and it's fun, and happy, and people respond, even when they don't want to. Because it's contagious. Get love, get happy. Spread the disease.

Life's Entrees...

. I don't pretend to understand women, but being a man I have some fair understanding of the male gender, and being a student of human nature, I have given considerable study to relationships, which I believe allows me some latitude to expostulate the reasoning of both genders in seeking out personal relationships. That being said, I thought of a fairly relevant word picture to help describe relationships...
. Picture, if you will, a banquet table, which represents our life, or more specifically, our time in life (I did resist the urge to call it our "timetable"). We all have choices as to what is most important; family, career, friends, things (wealth), relationships (specifically spouse), noteriety (fame), etc. At best, an individual can concentrate on one or two of these at any given time in life if he wants to achieve a high degree of success. These are the entrees in his life. The more entrees he attempts to handle the lower the degree of success he will have in attaining success. Literally, he has too much on his plate. This is why so many men who focus on their career find that after a successful career, an acumulation of wealth (things), their relationship with their spouse is non-existent. They are labeled workaholics, and the complaint is they were never there for the wife and/or kids. They end up divorced, and alone, trying to figure out what went wrong when he "gave her everything", while the guy who doesn't accumulate as much seems to be relationally richer, and happy.
Yet the fault is not entirely the man, for women (generally speaking), have a much higher degree of need for security, and a man who accumulates things feeds that need. So women seek men who are "driven", or success-oriented, for it fuels that first and most basic instinctive need for security. But after finding such a man, and feeling a measure of security, their desires, or needs, turn to wanting relational fulfillment. They now want their man to be "sensitve" and "romantic" and to focus on their need for quality time and attention. But that's not the man's entree, so either he must refocus and make life-changing adjustments (which rarely happens), or conflict arises, for needs aren't being met. He's not sensitive, she's now trying to change him.
. Perhaps a better approach is to seek a partner who entrees will meet both our immediate and long-term desires. To someone who values his family, or spouse above other things, the accumulation of wealth is a lower priority. He may never be "rich", but there is a desire to care for those he loves that will drive him to meet those needs of security. The focus is on relationships instead of wealth, or success, and understanding that the security issue will be met without sacrificing the relationships. Women might be better served understanding that the choice they make initially will impact the entire relationship. If material things are the important entree expect to get "scraps" later, in the relational areas of the relationship, for those are a much lower priority. If the relationship is important then finding someone who is "driven" will be counter-productive to a deep and satisfying personal relationship. Men are relatively simple creatures, at least in comparison to most women, and generally speaking, you get what you see. Don't expect to be able to successfully change a man, after you "catch" one; it just doesn't happen. Change comes from within, from a refocusing of desires, not from external pressure. That just causes resentment and conflict.
. From the earliest, men are physical, women relational. They don't always mix well, but like oil and vinegar, when mixed correctly, and not left unattended, they make a tasty, satisfying complement to each other, and pleasing to our palate...

Wounds...

Short and sweet, the deeper the capacity to love, the deeper the potential wound if love goes wrong... Perhaps that is why there is such a lack of commitment today, why there is a lack of depth to most relationships, why individuals go through partner after partner in search of the "right one". Before even considering opening up ourselves we want to make sure the other is "right" first, and they want to make sure we are right, so we end up a bunch of emotionally closed off people drifting among other closed off people...

Love means taking a chance, being willing to be vulnerable, even if the other isn't. From the most negative viewpoint it means intentionally opening ourselves up for the possibility of severe emotional pain, yet, from the most positive it means allowing ourselves the opportunity to feel the deepest, most intense, most moving of all emotions. It is the pinnacle, the greatest of all emotions, and even though we don't fully understand what pure and unadulterated love is, that very thing that God is, even in our flawed state we can experience a small taste of what that perfect state is... But we have to be vulnerable, we have to be willing to sacrifice our security, we have to be willing to take the chance of being hurt. To the degree that we don't allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable, it is to that degree we restrict our ability to love and be loved. And we do restrict our ability to receive love as well as give. That is a travesty, for if one wants to love and is denied that in itself is a wound.

But what about when we're wounded? The deeper the love the deeper the wound. The more precious the memories the harder and longer to heal the wound. I don't think we ever really heal from those really deep wounds; we recover, we move on, we learn to transfer those affections to others. But a sight, or sound, or smell might trigger a memory, and your heart feels a pang, a stab, from the depths of that wound... It's a good thing, then, if we've moved on, and experienced love anew, for our new love can help us build new memories, new desires, salve for our past wounds... Though they may never fully heal, if we love again they can help us fully appreciate what we have in our present...