Unashamed...

I believe that everyone deserves a second chance, that we all mess up in life, at some time or another, and receiving a little grace, or an unexpected kindness, can perhaps be a catalyst to helping someone turn themselves around. For several years now I've adopted the philosophy of hiring people who, through not-so-good decision-making in their past, might now be considered a "risk", or difficult to employ... Though occassionally I get burned by someone who proves not to merit my trust for the most part I've found solid, reliable, and gratefully loyal employees. Recently I had an experience with one the humbled me.

This particular individual had both drug and alcohol problems in his past, and influenced him into making some poor lifes decisions. Several of those poor decisions landed him in prison. While there he "found Jesus" and came out a different man. I was impressed enough with his humility, and honesty concerning his past, to hire him. In these ensuing weeks I've noticed him emerging from a bit of a shell, and becoming more vocal about his faith. The other day he returned from a customer's and told me that they were "church guys" too. They'd shared a bit and my guy told them he worked for a "church guy" too. For just the briefest of moments I was annoyed by that, that he would be sharing my beliefs with another...

Then I was ashamed of myself, for I realized that he was right and I was wrong. He had found hope, and it was real, and it was saving grace at a time in his life that he'd hit rock bottom. Now, as things were improving and life was looking better he wasn't forgetting that hope that sustained him during those dark hours. He was unashamed of his hope, his faith, and was willing to share it despite what people might think of him. Who was I to care what someone might think of me, especially in light of an eternal perspective: (Luke 12:8-9) "I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God. But he who disowns me before men will be disowned before the angels of God.(NIV)

As I read on Jesus said: "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."(12:15 NIV) It made me realize how our possessions can rob us of our focus of what's really important. Being concerned with what we have often consumes us at the expense of who we are becoming, until we find ourselves being defined by our possessions. What becomes important is what we have, not who we are or know. Possessions trump relationships. Yet what we have could be gone in a heartbeat, leaving us with who we are, and if we've defined our lives by our possessions we are an empty shell. It's no accident that Jesus spoke on the importance of our relationship with him first and possessions second, for that's God's order: Relationships first, possessions second...

As I reflect, I knew someone briefly to whom possessions were important, that the status of what she had defined her very life, her very speech patterns. I recognized quickly the importance of status to her, and the relatively low priority on who I was, who I really am deep inside. It was painfully clear that our relationship would never develop as I wished for I desired depth, a linear relationship of growth, while she desired a much more superficial relationship, for she wasn't defined by who she was, but by what she had and desired, and that is a surface relationship only... Though painful, for I liked her, I realized I would not get the relationship I desired there...

I'm glad my new friend holds onto to his hope, and is there to remind me of the importance of relationships, not possessions, and to acknowledge my Heavenly Father in my life daily...

Habit Formation...

I think the greatest lesson I've come to realize over these past several years is the need to be intentional. It doesn't matter if it's in my physical life or spitritual life, the need to be intentional is paramount for growth to occur. We have become a lazy people, often disguising our laziness with our busyness, or our activities, but they are merely excuses to hide behind. The truth is we are all given the same amount of time each day, and how we choose to use our time (or allow our time to use us) determines how productive or lazy we are. I used to be a list-maker, and still do mentally, and physically on occassion, to prioritize my activity in an attempt to be more productive. Yet often a list doesn't help me to actually do what is necessary; it just reminds me of tasks awaiting completion.

I've had to learn to set aside specific time to do specific things that I need to be intentional about doing, then I have to be intentional about honoring that time with that activity. I've found that it doesn't take long for that process to become a habit. It made me realize how I've been unconsciously doing this very thing for years and forming negative habits. Eating junk food late at night, watching sitcoms at dinner(the same reruns for the 14th time), hitting the snooze alarm for another 10 minutes of sleep(like it'll help refresh me any more), or the many other "bad" habits I have slid into over the years. So I began to think, "Why are bad habits so easy to form and good habits much harder?". The answer is simple: We gravitate toward lazy, toward the easy way of doing something. Not the right way, or the best way, but the easy way. Our bent is away from intentional. So how does being intentional benefit us?

I beleive that learning to be intentional with life gives us several advantages. First, we begin to experience control in our life, for we dictate our time, rather than feeling like we're being dicatated to. We control our choices, our activities, rather than being controled, for we make the choice as to what we do. Our world returns to order, which is how God originally created it and us, so we find greater harmony in our life. The second thing, (and most amazing thing that I've found) is that we become much more efficient with our time, and we begin to experience blocks of free time, (sometimes large blocks!) to begin to do other things that we've never had time or energy to do before. In essence, we've begun the process of unlearning bad habits and replacing them with good ones. (Often people try unsuccessfully to break a bad habit and end up right back in it because to break a bad habit, or any habit, you must replace it with another action or activity, or the void left bt the departed habit will drift back into what is "known").

These two results are enough reason to strive for intentionality in our lives, but there's more. As we do those things we know we should do, as we experience success in areas we recognize as important we begin to feel a sense of accomplishment, of satisfaction with our labors, and we begin to find ourselves happier, with a higher sense of self-esteem, for we are doing what we know is right, and that feels good. And life becomes richer... So I want to become more intentional in all aspects of my life...

Dead love...

Love is a powerful aphrodisiac, and the residual feelings of love linger long after the realization that the relationship is unhealthy and over... I was amazed, this past weekend, when I encountered my last love, my last significant relationship, that one of four years duration, at coming face to face with her, how incredibly strong the desire was to respond to the promise in her eyes, the invitation in her body language and demeanor. The memories of all that was good in the relationship, with the unrealistic thoughts that perhaps there was change were almost overwhelming. And yet, the lesson learned, finally, that past behavior is the best indicator of future performance was a cold shower, a reality check, to the powerfully addictive emotions of hope and love...

It made me appreciate anew those who can't seem to leave an unhealthy relationship, who fluctuate between denial and desire, that allow another to dictate or control them. The grip that emotions can be so unyielding if we cannot stand strong against them, for even after the temptation is withstood the memory of past hope, past love, stirs desire- not desire of what will be, but desire of what we wish will be, and that difference, that distinction is huge...Too often the desires of the heart overrides the clarity of the head, but today, this past weekend, the head triumphed over the heart. I am a bit sad, but wiser, for I recognized the reality of future pain is greater than the promise of the rekindled love... But that doesn't make dealing with the emotions any easier...

Assumptions...

Have you ever looked up the definition of assume, or assuption? I did, and Webster sure did a good job of making his definition murky clear... But we all know what it is to assume, or make assumptions, for we all do it. I believe the most concise definition, for our purposes, (for there are multiple meanings of the word), is to conclude or accept something as true without first ascertaining the relevant facts (not a definition you'll find in Webster's, but then he's not perfect either, or so I assume...). Years ago I watched an episode of "The Odd Couple" (with Tony Randall and Jack Klugman), and Tony Randall gave the cutest reprimand to Klugman. He said, "Do you know what happens when you ASSUME? You make an ASS of U and ME." It probably wasn't original with him, but it stuck with me through all these years, so I thank him for it.
So the question is, why do we assume, why do we jump to conclusions that have no basis in fact what-so-ever? Why do our conclusions most often assume the worst? Why are we willing to assume something bad before assuming something good? I believe it all reverts back to ourselves- we know we aren't perfect, and we make mistakes, and we fail, so naturally you fail too. If I might screw up then certainly you will. We might not do this on a conscious level, but we all do it on a subconscious one. It takes intentional thought not to assume the worst, and natural thought to assume the worst. We are not intentional thinkers by nature, and few are by discipline or training. Therefore, we negatively impact our relationships in which we assume.
What would happen, if instead of assuming, we choose to ask, "Where were you? What did you mean? Why didn't you call? Who was that?" and the many more questions that would give relevant facts to a situation instead of assuming (the worst). Knowing is freedom, and often asking is the only real way to know. Yet we fear to hear the truth that we so desperately want, so we choose to believe the assumption which has no grounding in truth. Yet asking before assuming, before forming our opinion, is the first proactive step in intentional thinking. Asking, and knowing first allows for open dialogue, for we are not forced to overcome a negative perception, to "argue" our defense when we've done no wrong in reality, only in the flawed world of the assumption...
Relationships will happen, but successful relationships are intentional. We must choose to act in a manner counter to our natural instincts, to put the relationship ahead of our own selves... Food for thought...

Love Guilt...

I've written before that love is regressive, that the longer we remain in community with another, as long as our relationship continues to grow in a positive direction, love becomes messy. We let down our defenses, we show more and more of our inner selves, we become more vulnerable, a step at a time, as we get that positive reinforcement that we are still loved, and accepted. We become more known, we learn the inner secrets of our partner. As we give more of ourselves, as we reveal more of our warts and imperfections, and as we gain more insight into our partner, we also find a negative fruit of love- guilt.
It's interesting to think of love as spawning guilt, but because we are imperfect in ourselves and our love, we will experience both hurt and failings in our responses to our mates. We can't learn to really love unless we're willing to run the risks of hurting and failing. The rememberance of these hurts, these failings of ours (not necessarily those of our partner's) will produce guilt, regrets, that questioning of how to do things better, or how to do or act differently. And especially if the relationship fails, then guilt really plays on us. Our reaction is to close down, to not allow ourselves to become vulnerable, to not want to replay or relive those hurts or failings, and we cripple ourselves in our attempts at a successful future love relationship.
So what to do? We need to embrace our failings, own our wrongs, our hurts and learn from them. We need to be intentional in our desire not to create the same mistakes, to repeat our failures. And we need to be willing to be to vulnerable. It amazes me that so often we can't seem to own our faults. I think too often we feel our self-esteem can't handle our admissions of guilt so we supress those thoughts, those feelings. And guilt eats us away. And we close ourselves off, shut ourselves down. Owning our failings is the most freeing thing we can do, for it allows us to move forward, and releases us from guilt's grip. It will even build our self-esteem, as we learn that we can own our faults and move forward, that it doesn't tear us down. We often find it easy to extend grace to those who wrong us; we need to learn to extend grace to ourselves...

A Prophet...

I read this this morning, and felt it really worth sharing. It was written by Stuart Briscoe. "What is a prophet? In Jesus' day a prophet was also called a seer- a person who sees. A seer looks past the immediate to the ultimate. He has been given the perspective of God himself and is able to see the meaning behind events. Unfortunately, because we are committed to the cult of immediacy, in the fast pace of our modern day we often do not realize the consequences of what we do. All we are interested in is an immediate solution to a present problem...

We moderns seem to be more concerned about quick fixes and immediacy than we are about long-term consequences. That's why cosmetic companies are doing so well. As long as we look good we are likely to feel good about ourselves. If we look good and feel good about ourselves, nothing else matters.

Unfortunately, we've bought into a lie. What really matters is not whether I look or feel good, but whether I am good. The true seer can see past the cosmetic (looking good), he can see through the feeling good; and he can concentrate on the issues that determine whether we are good or evil. This was the vision of John the Baptist, and it has to be the vision of anyone who claims to be a real man."

Wow. I think I found a whole new perspective on this "gimme now" generation of ours... There is so much to be learned by stepping back and stepping outside of the rush of society. Thank-you, Stuart, for your insight... for broadening my understanding...

The Weatherman...

Trees are budding, the grass is green,
Signs of spring, everywhere are seen.
The golf courses open, we can't wait to go!
Then the weatherman says, "let's brace for some snow."
What's this guy's problem, to say this to us now?
Doesn't he know we're not gonna plow?
Winter is over, spring has come!
I say we go to the station and string up that bum!
Where does he get off ruining our day?
Who's gonna want to go outside and play?
The time has come to rise up, take a stand
We'll not be bullied by a TV weatherman.
If he sees we're serious, that we'll not turn and run
I'll bet he forecasts warm weather and sun!
So rise up my friends; enough is enough!
If we want our warm weather we'll have to get tough!

Another year...

Well, another year is coming to a close, another birthday just around the corner. Last year I posted 20 or so questions (21 to be exact) that have plagued my mind, and to be quite honest, no one thought enough to answer these for me, so here I sit, almost another year older and not really much wiser... I try to learn, to keep my mind active, but still I come up short... I won't repeat those same questions that bother me; if you're interested they're in last April's blogs, but here are a couple of new ones...

What's another word for synonym?
If signmakers go on strike is there anything printed on their signs?
If you buy a box of cotton balls are you supposed to throw the top one away?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why does the sun lighten our hair but darken our skin?
Why can't women put masscara on with their mouth closed?
Why don't psychics ever win the lottery?
Why is "abreviated" such a long word?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, but dish-washing soap made with real lemons?

I have learned a few things, to be fair to myself, so the year hasn't been totally wasted. I've learned:

Grocery clerks ask if I want paper or plastic because baggers can't be choosers.
"Instant credit" really means "instant debt".
Even if you're nobody's fool someone still might adopt you.
For every person with a spark of genius there's hundreds experiencing ignition trouble.
To properly tickle a rich girl you have to say, "Gucci, Gucci, Gucci".
Under no circumstances should I ever take a sleeping pill and laxative in the same night.
Going to church doesn't make someone a Christian any more than standing in the garage makes them a car.
Artificial intellegence is no match for natural stupidity.
Someone who is nice to me but rude to a waiter is not a nice person.
There is no evidence to support the notion that life is serious.
An amateur built the Ark. A team of professionals built the Titanic. Think about it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
Eat well, exercise, stay fit. You'll die anyway.
And last: Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Another year comes to a close in a couple of weeks. Boy, I hope next year the questions get easier...

Joy vs Happiness...

My studies of late have centered around understanding the difference between happiness and joy. They are often used to define each other, and I think most would use them synonymously, yet they are different. I think happiness is more of that emotional state that we experience in the moment. It defines a specific moment or moments in time, in our lives. Joy, on the other hand, is a state of being. It transcends the moment and can permeate all facets of our lives, even when living in those negative moments. Where happiness may come and go easily, joy is much more permanant in its nature. It is delight, gratification, pleasure. It is the anticipation, as well as the experience. It is so much more than happiness; for happiness is just one small facet of joy.

As Christ-followers we aren't promised happy lives, rather we are promised joyful ones. We aren't promised one facet, one side of the diamond, we are offered the entire gem, the whole treasure. There are about 30 references to "happy" or "happiness" in the Bible, and they almost exsclusively refer to man, and a state of being in the moment. There are over 240 references to "joy" or "joyful" and many of them refer directly to God, and his state of being. We are promised his joy, which will make our joy complete (John 15:11). We are told that our strength comes from the joy of the Lord (Neh. 8:10). We are instructed to ask for things in Jesus' name and we will receive, and our joy will be complete (John 16:24). These are but a few of the references to God's joy and ours, and how they are tied together. Many references to God's joy are tied to his love, and his love for us...

So why are so many people who claim to be "Christians" walking around joyless? Why do you go into so many churches and look around and everyone looks like they were weaned on a pickle? If we are commanded to be joyful and aren't, then aren't we disobeying God's command? I think we need to learn not only what joy is but also how to achieve it... Can you imagine the reaction of our world if it suddenly thought Christianity was fun?

Right Giving...

I learned again today. (It's always a good day when learning takes place). Today's lesson was born out of a difficult situation this past Wednesday, when I was forced into a situation where I had to fire an employee, for willfull misconduct. About a year ago he got fired from his last job and needed work, needed a source of income, and I helped him out. For the past year I have pandered and coddled and pampered and tried to love this employee. However, after a lot of rule-bending, dealing with attitude and temper-tantrums, enough was finally enough. And I was angry at the disrespect, and insubordination, and misconduct. I was angry at giving and giving, and having someone just take and take without recipricating in any way...

So my lesson today? What I gave, in this past year, I did out of love for this employee, and what I gave has absolutely no correlation to how it's received. If I give out of a right heart, if my actions are motivated by love, there is no balance, no scales that say there has to be a corresponding response to offset. If he chose to be ungrateful, or disrespectful, or just be a taker, that has no bearing on my actions or motives. I give out of love- how it is received is not my worry. While getting a good response is nice it is not necessary to the action of giving. A bad response, likewise, doesn't spoil the act of giving either, if we have the right perspective. It is a really freeing lesson, for it frees me from the hurt, and anger, and frustration that his inappropriate responses trigger. I am free to give without worry as to how it's received, for they are really independent of each other, and deal with different individuals- the giver and the receiver. I need only worry about my end... Food for thought...

Intentionality...

I am sometimes amazed at how weak I am. Not physically weak, for as someone used to refer to me, "I'm strong like bull", but weak in my will. I think it's very, very rare for me to have a problem differentiating between what's right and wrong, what I should do and shouldn't do, but there are times that, despite my acute awareness, my complete knowledge that something is wrong I still do it; most often when a way from the eyes of others.

So why do I, in the most intimate private times, choose to do what I know is wrong? I used to think it was because sin can be so attractive. Let's face it, if sin weren't appealing we wouldn't have as much trouble avoiding it. But it can be attractive, it can look fun in the moment. But that's not why. Not really. Because the alternative, doing good, feels better, and for longer, than the temporary enjoyment sinning gives, followed by the ever-present guilt that follows, and regret.

So why? I think it's because I choose not to be intentional. We all have free will, but to follow that life-style of Jesus Christ we must, no, I must determine to be intentional. That means when faced with a decision of doing right, or wrong, I don't weight the benefits or detriments of each, I just intentionally exclude the wrong choice, and intentionally follow the right one. It doesn't become a case of succumbing to desire then, it becomes an itellectual choice to do right, regardless of whether anyone is watching or not. Emotion is removed from the decision-making process, and the opportunity to mess up is greatly reduced, for emotions are fickle creatures, and often lead us astray... And so, for the temporal pleasure, the desire of the moment, if I choose inappropriately, I then have to deal with remorse, regret, guilt. And I have to seek forgiveness... It really is easier to adjust my perspective, and choose wisely... Food for thought...

My Daily Choice...

On the morrow the sun will rise

A new day greets my sleeping eyes.

Tomorrow a new day is born

how will I celebrate my new morn?

Each day we are given a gift of life

do I make it fun or full of strife?

If I just plod through I waste my day,

each day I need that time to play.

Each morning when I first awake

There is a choice that I must make

To honor God and live abundantly

Or my way which is redundantly.

Father,

Thank-you for each day that you give, for the gift of your creation. Let me marvel in your sunrise, and be awestruck by your sunset. Amaze me with the new buds, the flowering trees, the richness of the grasses that green overnight. Let the music of your creation fill my soul, the robin, the lark, the geese... Let my spirit drink in the beauty of all you've given. Please let me intentionally recognize your glory. Whisper to my heart to slow down and enjoy my life, and let me be aware of your whisper.

Amen.

Negative emotions...

I was asked once, how it is I can still say I love someone who hurt me so badly, and it is true, that when we are hurt the natural inclination is to lock on to the negative, and fixate on the pain. There's nothing so powerful as a negative emotion. But we don't have to do be held captive by these emotions, for in the end it is only ourselves that they hurt, for we become angry, or bitter, or untrusting, while the cause of negative emotion usually goes on about life either not knowing, or caring what they've done to us...

I decided long ago, that I would not be a slave to negative emotions, so when a bad memory was created, stored in my mind, I chose to try and associate with that two good memories, one on either side of that negative memory, so that when bad is recalled, good can be also. I can remind myself that though there was hurt there was also redeeming qualities in the relationship, things I loved, or cherished, so there was value to that time also. In time, though the negative memories remain, the positive ones do also, and allow me to recall and love the good portions, while recognizing the bad so as not to repeat the same mistake again... It is not that I still love one who hurt me in an active manner, one desirous to be reunited, etc. rather it is as a love past, a pleasant memory of the good, to balance the negative, and enable me to move forward positively and not be consumed by the bitterness or negativity. It limits my baggage, and that is good, for it's much easier to travel light!