A Broken Heart- The final Chapter...

This past week I was reading through some of my past blogs and ran across one from last February 24th, (2008) entitled "A Broken Heart"... I was amazed to read my feelings in that blog were exactly then where I found myself just a few weeks ago- same feelings, same relationship. Only this time I called it quits. This time it was time to walk away. After two years in a relationship with someone who was emotionally closed off, who is afraid to be vulnerable, who is afraid to love, I called it a day. But I've learned...



I learned that no matter how hard you might want a relationship to work, no matter how much you might love, there is no guarantee of success if the feelings aren't mutual. No matter how hard you might try, no matter how much you might give, it will never be enough if your mate, your partner is not willing to invest emotionally also.



It was difficult to walk away, because our relationship was built on a great friendship. I will sorely miss that friendship, and indeed, I was asked if we could continue that friendship when I said I thought it was time for me to move on- but alas, as good as that friendship was the reality is it cannot continue, at least the way it was. You see, a relationship built on a great friendship is on rock solid ground, but a friendship that evolves into a relationship rarely survives, because one cannot go back, and once you've allowed yourself to be vulnerable with another, to love another, it hurts far too much to try and "just be friends", especially when one or both moves on to another relationship. So the reality is it will wither and eventually die. But I am at peace with my decision, for the time has come for me to protect my heart, to search for one who is willing to give, as well as receive, love.



Sometimes things just don't work out how we want them to. Sometimes you can have two really good people, who really like each other, who get along great, who seem so compatible, and still not have it work. It comes down to a willingness to be vulnerable- by both...

I think I need to start writing more consistently again...

Settling...

A friend stopped by my office this past week and, after some preliminary pleasantries, informed me he was "having marital problems again". Now this is a good Christian man, a good Christian couple, long married with grown kids and now grandkids... This wasn't the first time he'd told me this either... In the past we've discussed what is right or wrong, what we felt God would desire him to do, but this time was a bit different. This time my friend battles cancer and he felt the meds he's taking might be influnecing behavior. So we talked about grace, extending and receiving, and about acting outside the box, or doing some unexpected kindness, or act that was totally outside his norm, not as a apology, but to say, "Despite our difficulties I still love you, I still care". I could tell it was clearly outside his comfort zone...

Our discussion turned to the possibilities of divorce, and the relational advantages and disadvantages of it. After a bit he made a very profound summary, which, in a nutshell, was: "I guess it's just easier to take some occassional crap than to start all over." After a pause I guess I had to agree. In my youth, my idealist years, I believed that change was possible, even probable, if things weren't what I thought they should be. As I've matured I've come to realize that change often just means exchanging one set of baggage for another. I began to learn to weigh each relationship, each obstacle, in my life to see if the good still outweighed the bad and, if so, to remain with it. Change usually only occurs now when the bad outweighs the good. In essence, I've learned to settle somewhat. And settling isn't always bad. I think that, if we don't leaqrn to settle to at least some degree we end up without any meaningful depth to our relationships, we end up outside of meaningful community, we end up alone, and lonely... I am glad I learned settling isn't so bad, and I hope my closest relationships appreciate it too!