Love vs Geography...

A friend recently wrote me that her "Physics teacher tried to tell me love is geographical. I challenged him on that, and spent many years trying to prove him wrong." I gave this alot of thought as I was out mowing the grass today. I found that I could make a convincing argument for either position and that left me feeling very dissatisfied... So I removed myself from the argument and examined the merits of each viewpoint to see if I could reach a conclusion in my own mind. These are my thoughts:

I don't believe that "love" is geographical. I believe we can find that special person, that connection, that chemistry anywhere or anytime. Love is not bound by time, space, or distance. The concept of love comes directly from God, for it is the very definition of God ("God is love"). The concept, like God, is infinite, and is not bound by finite boundaries that limit us. I also believe that while love is not geographical, when we experience love with another person that geography definitely plays a role in the growth and health of that love, because, unlike God's love for us, we are bound by finite limitations. Love needs to be fed, to be nurtured, and that is done by giving it our attentions, by speaking our partner's love language. Distance prohibits the personal attention that the healthy growth of love requires... So the reality is, love with another person is not geographical, but for it to grow, to be a healthy, vibrant entity in our lives, we need connection, and that requires a geographical closeness because we have finite limitations. A starved relationship is ultimately a dead one...

With that said I examined my last significant relationship, which was somewhat of a long-distance relationship, although unique in many ways. I think that possibly this very concept played into the demise of the relationship, for my partner was very closed off emotionally. As I mowed today I couldn't help but wonder if the fear of the distance played into her inability to open up, to be willing to be vulnerable. I heard a number of times, "I wish you were closer; I wish you were here tonight"... Perhaps if we were closer the relationship might have grown in a different manner than it did, which ultimately starved... (I don't pretend to have the answers for all long-distance relationships, I can only venture a viewpoint based on my experiences)... Food for thought...

Commitment...

I have long admired Michael Jordan. Not because he's most probably the greatest basketball player of all time, and certainly not for some of the lifestyle choices he's made, but I've admired Michael because he's a man of commitment. I remember in the early glory days of the Chicago Bulls, when they were in the midst of winning their first three championships, and Michael was approached by a reporter and questioned about his contract. You see, the Bulls had just resigned several players and they all made more than MJ. In fact, MJ still had several years left on his contract and was sure to be considerably underpaid in relation to his teammates and the rest of the league for the balance of his contract. The reporter asked MJ if he was going to seek a rengotiation of his contract (which the Bulls were sure to do) and his reply was, "No, I signed to play for this amount and I will honor it. When this contract is over I will ask for what I'm worth and if the Bulls want me they'll pay me." And if memory serves me correct, his last year of his contract paid him $2.3 million dollars. The following year he asked for $16 million, and the Bulls countered with $20 million. That is honoring commitment.

Commitment is a lost art today. It is cheap, selfish, and covenient for most people. Commitment is good as long as it makes us happy, but when it stops, we bail. That's not commitment. True commitment is a willingness to demonstrate responsibility. It has nothing to do with our right to be happy, and everything to do with our right to be mature and responsible. Today many choose to defer from their relational responsibilities in favor of individual happiness, which selfishly is the driving motivator for many today. Commited people are persistantly responsible, and ultimately find a much deeper well of happiness and satisfaction because of their actions... There's nothing fleeting, nothing temporary about commitment.

(I've been told on many occassions I should be committed- Is this what they mean? Food for thought...)

Pivital points...

I've often said that there's nothing so powerful as recalling a negative emotion. If I took the time to read back through all my blogs I'd guess that I've even written it a time or two, because it is a truism that I have enjoyed quoting. This morning I realized that I am wrong. While it is true that negative emotions can be incredibly powerful, and can impact our memories fror years to come, it is not true that they are the most powerful.

This morning in church, the message was about growth, and how God will "prune" us to develop the character and the person he wants us to be. One point of the message was how we face growth at "pivital points" in our lives, usually those times we find ourselves despairing in one of life's valleys. As I sat there and listened I recalled a pivital point in my life, a time I was mired deep in one of those valleys, and the power of those negative emotions welled my eyes with tears as I sat there.

I have three children today, two sons, 27 and 24, and a daughter 21. Some twenty-three years ago I had another daughter who, at 8 1/2 months in the womb, turned and strangled on her umbilical cord. I can still remember, as vividly as if it were yesterday, inducing labor and delivering a beautiful baby girl. As I held that lifeless form of my beautiful baby daughter the pain, the grief so overwhelmed my broken heart. Later, I found myself sitting alone in one of the waiting rooms in the hospital and I recall praying, "God, I have loved and follwed you; how can you take my baby girl, something so precious, so wonderful to me?" And He answered my heart, so clearly that I remember opening my eyes and looking around, to see where the voice came from. He said,"You lost a child you never knew; I lost my son whom I knew forever." And as I sat there I felt the Father, greiving with me; two fathers sharing unbearabble pain together. In that moment, that experience, I knew the awesome presence of God, and comfort and peace that surpasses all understanding. In my lowest moment God was there, and holding me close to His heart, safe in his hand. That day I learned that there is something that is far more powerful than a negative emotion- it is the comfort and security of the Father. It's just taken me twenty-some years to realize it.

Today's lesson is this: You can't experience and appreciate God's comfort without first experiencing pain... Food for thought...

Cayman Comaroderie...

I spent this past week with my daughter, on a cruise to the Cayman Islands. What a wonderful time, and wonderful memories to warm my heart in years to come. A week together sharing a little cabin and not one problem, not one cross word, not one disagreement... I was so blessed and amazed...

There was an incident one day however, that I found very interesting. My daughter and I were out by the pool soaking up some rays when the guy on the other side of Ali started up a conversation with her. She has a tattoo on her wrist and another on her foot. He was questioning her decision to get them, and sharing "wayward" decisions he made in his youth. Both of Ali's tatts have significance to her faith so she began to share with him their significance. Clearly he was a skeptic, and it led him to ask some seriously troubling questions. To Ali's credit, she responded in a non-confrontational manner, but clearly he was trying to trip her up. I decided to inject myself into their discussion.

The first comment this guy says is," I'm 57 years old, and I've found I can ask 5 different Bible scholars the same question about something in the Bible and get five different interpretations on what it means. So who's supposed to be right?" I responded, "I know what you mean; that irritates me too. I wish they would put aside their personal beliefs and interpretations and just take their answer from the Bible without trying to add to what God has to say." All of a sudden we were on the same side of his argument and he went from being irritating to being inquistive. He shared how early in his "search for meaning" in his life he was turned off by religious zealots that tried to force their beliefs down his throat- can't drink, can't smoke, can't watch movies, etc. until he was so turned off that he just walked away from "religion". It sadden me, for I'd heard that same story all too often. There were these same people in Jesus' day- they were called "Pharisees"...

My new friend began to ask questions, real issues that had bothered him, and we engaged in some real and honest dialogue. I think he was a little embarassed, because several times he said, "One more question then we're gonna stop talking about this"... We were still talking strong a half hour later. When we finally wrapped up our conversation he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, I gotta get back to church more often." I couldn't help but think that this was exactly the kind of heart Jesus seeks... When questioned by the religious leaders of his day on why he ate and "consorted" with tax collectors and sinners Jesus replied, "I came to heal the sick, not the healthy." Ifr Jesus came today I think many in our churches would be astounded to find him in the malls, and bars, and places people gather- but not necessarily in their church. I think that speaks volumes ... Food for thought...