HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

As 2010 closes I have just a few thoughts to leave you with...

First, Happy New Year, and may 2011 be your best year yet!

There is no key to happiness. The door is always open; we just have to choose to walk through...

Silence is often misinterpreted, but is never misquoted...

A grudge is a heavy load to carry...

Growing old is inevitable; growing UP is optional...

Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging...

He who dies with the most toys is still dead...

The most important things in your house are the people...

And last, Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape!

Thank you all who take the time out of your busy schedule to read my thoughts; I appreciate the investment of your time, and am grateful for your input. May 2011 be awesome for you all!

No Excuses...

Sometimes I feel wholly inadequate in my Christian walk. Around others I can "be spiritual", I can talk the talk and walk the walk, even if I don't feel it; in fact I've learned that every facet of the Christian life can be faked, if you will, except one- prayer. Everything else is basically a man to man experience, but prayer is man to God, and I just can't fool God. When I pray my heart has to be right, my self has to be totally and completely honest, for He knows the truth anyway...

So I tell Him, I just don't feel worthy, I just don't feel spiritual all the time, and I often feel inadaquate... And He reminds me that I am not worthy, that I am saved through His grace, and His love, And His mercy. I'm not called to be "spiritual", but to be honest, and transparent, and true to His message, for I am not the message, I'm just the messenger. As for feelings of inadaquacy, He reminds me of some of those giants in our faith:

Abraham and Sarah, considered themselves too old,

Noah, who had a drinking problem,

Issaac the daydreamer,

Jacob the liar,

Rahab the prostitute,

David, who had an affair and had the husband murdered,

Elijah, who was suicidal,

Jonah, who ran from God,

Peter, a common fisherman who denied Christ,

Moses with his speech problems,

Joseph, the abused,

Martha the worrier,

Zaccheus, who was too small,

Paul, the persecuter and persecuted,

the multi-divorced Samaritan woman,

or John the Baptist, the bug-eater, and He reminds me that it isn't what I can do for Him that matters, it's what He can do through me if I only make myself available...

So Father, please grant me the ability to love the people I cannot change, and the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to recognize that the one is me... Amen.

Food for thought...

Cruising vs the Nursing Home...

As I was showering this morning my thoughts turned to an upcoming cruise I'm taking my folks on, and then I began to mentally compare nursing home sevices versus those on a cruise ship. The latest survey of nursing home costs puts it at $70,080 per year, or about $192 per day. Conversely, I can do a six-day cruise for $250-300, or $50 per day. For sake of argument let's say the cost of a cruise doubles over the next few years while nursing home care remains fiscally constant. Let's look at what I get for HALF the money...

I can have TEN meals a day if I can only waddle to the restaurant or buffet, or I can have room service (breakfast in bed every day!).

I have workout rooms, steam rooms swimming pools, hot tubs, spas, washers and dryers, Vegas quality shows every night, a casino, plus much, much more...

I get free toothpaste, razors, soap, and shampoo...

My towels and sheets are changed daily and I don't even have to ask!

If there's a lightbulb out, or the TV goes on the fritz, want a different mattress, no problem- they fix it right away and apologize for the inconvenience.

I get to meet new people every 7 to 14 days.

I'm treated like a customer, not a patient. Staff scambles to help.

And best of all, I"d get to see South America, the Carribean, Austrailia, New Zealand, Europe, Tahiti, Mexico, or where-ever I might want to go!

I'm thinking there's not going to be a nursing home in my future. Look for an old guy hanging at the rail taking in the glorious sunsets. I can't think of a drawback to this plan - (if I fall and break a hip in a home I go on Medicare; if I fall and break a hip on a cruise ship I get upgraded to a suite- probably for life!). So I think I'll cruise 'til I die- then it's a burial at sea- No charge!

Food for thought!

Anger...

Anger is thought to be a negative emotion, often portrayed as a "bad" thing, but I don't think it gets a fair rap in the world of emotions. Anger itself isn't bad, but how we allow ourselves to respond to our anger is where we often fail. There's many instances of anger in the Bible, but as I studied one particular one, the story of Jesus in the Temple (John 2:12-25), I realized that if Jesus gets angry then anger itself isn't wrong.

There are ways to respond to anger. Some people just explode, giving reign to their emotions, and no one is safe from their wrath. Very harmful and detrimental to any possible conflict resolution. Others choose to try and stuff their anger, to bottle it up, but this is just as harmful and the explosive response.

Jesus was upfront with his anger, he confronted the situation openly and positively, not in an explosion of rage or a suppression of his feelings. We too can be angry, but be open with our anger, deal with the situation immediately in a positive and appropriate manner, and anger is not a detriment. Relationally, the key is to be open, to communicate your anger, pain, or frustration, but in a positive manner, so that resolution is quickly possible...

Food for thought...

P.S. OH, and Merry Christmas to All!!!

Character, and other thoughts...

Webster's defines "Character" as a distinctive mark, quality, trait or attribute; moral strength, self discipline, fortitude; a [good] reputation. As a matter of fact Webster's has alot to say about character- listing over 16 different definitions. But I think there's a simpler definition for my simple mind. Character is simply who you are when no one else is watching.

If you want to gage your moral strength, if you wonder about your level of self discipline, if you really want an introspective into yourself just stop and evaluate what you do in your "alone time". That is who you are. Many people think that who they are around other people defines them, but that is a facade that can be put on and taken off at will. What other people think of you doesn't define the real you, the core you- what God thinks of you defines you and that is who you are when there's no one watching- except Him. (We often forget that!)

I think we are a "relationship starved" community nowadays. Everything is so fast; fast foods' drive-throughs, ATM's, you get the picture- but one thing that cannot be fasttracked is relationships. Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of friendship, and friendship isn't something that can be rushed. It is built over time and through experience, and those can't be rushed... Still people jump into relationships without really knowing the person they've picked as their partner, then they're amazed it didn't work out, and they become more calloused and jaded toward the "next time". I think we need to slow down our world and let our society catch up... Relationally, the investment of time and experiences are paramount for success...

Food for thought...

The Relational Value of Time...

Time is the one thing that everyone has exactly the same amount of everyday, yet it is the one thing no one knows exactly how much of we have left... Relationally, time is the key element that allows a relationship to transcend from that infatuous, puppy love stage into a more mature true love. Time and commitment. Yet time plays a more far-reaching role in relationships that we must be aware of.

Part of my job is negotiating, and through the years I've found I've become a very adept negotiator. I've also learned a few things about negotiating, and it came to mind that much of the communication in any successful relationship is based on a couple's ability and willingness to negotiate effectively with each other. Successful relationships are often characterized by a flow of give and take. The ability of a couple to keep a relative balance in that flow allows for the continued success of that relationship. When it gets skewed, or out of balance, when one partner repeatedly wins at negotiating, the relationship suffers.

Time plays an important part in negotiating, for time intensifies pain. The longer one side stalls, the more time is invested, the more pain for the other. At some point, if a compromise is not reached, one side will throw up their hands and claim it all a waste of time. And be hurt, and angry. And the relationship suffers. I think this was the thought process when Jesus said not to let the sun go down on your anger. Resolve things. Don't allow time to create festering. Winning is never worth the price of relational disharmony, for ultimately even the winner loses when there's relational dysfunction... (One current Psychologist I recently read had this advice for men when it came to arguments with their spouse: "Do you want to be right, or be happy?")

With time, this realization has mellowed me, in both the workplace and the home. No longer am I a hardcore, win-at-all-costs negotiator, nor longer is winning what is important. Let the other side win occassionally and negotiating becomes easier and easier, for each side learns to give and take, and over time trust grows, over time the relationship strengthens, over time it just keeps getting better...

Food for thought...

Inequitable Relationships II...

Almost every relationship is an inequitable relationship in some sense, for two individuals are never the same and never bring exactly the same thing to the table. Inequitable relationships are not necessarily all bad, but there are cases where one must be dilegent or end up hurt...

The most common abuse found in an inequitable relationship is in emotional commitment. These are very delicate and tricky waters to navigate, because so much of the emotional growth of a relationship depends on those involved being willing to become vulnerable and open for love and commitment to have fertile soil in which to grow. However, when there is inequity in the level of commitment whichever partner is more deeply vested, is more vulnerable, they are the one who is at risk for the greatest potential hurt. The partner with the greatest vulnerablity has the most to lose. If one realizes this within the context of the relationship the natural tendency is to hold back commitment, to retreat from opening up, to allow our partner to act first. The result is twofold: the partner who withholds gains "control" in the relationship, and the opportunity for deeper positive emotional growth is stunted.

It is tricky, as I earlier stated, because for a relationship to grow, to experience the possibility of the depths of love and commitment, someone must step up and be willing to make themselves vulnerable first, thus opening themselves up to the possibility of hurt if their partner doesn't reciprocate. If neither party is willing to act first the relationship will not grow, and in the end, things that don't grow stagnate, and things that stagnate die. There are no roots to sustain the relationship when it falls upon difficult or rocky times, and it dies. If only one partner opens up then the other is in a position of control, and that opens up the potential for emotional abuse. While being in a position of control may seem to work for a while in the long term it will create feelings of frustration, withdrawal, and mistrust. Ultimately, without reciprication, the relationship dies.

Mistrust forms when we open up, when we offer something personal or private, and our partner doesn't reciprocate. Our mentality is "I share- you share" and if that doesn't happen we tend to withdraw, often subconsciously, because we have exposed our inner selves without getting emotional assurances in return. When one returns something personal or private it reinforces our bond and builds a desire to share again. This is cyclical, aand leads to deeper trust and emotional intimacy, and the relationship grows...

It is so paramount for emotional equity within a relationship, for it is the foundation for any successful relationship. Emotional equity fosters trust, and trust fosters communication. Love is grand, but no relationship can survive on love alone. There must be trust to sustain it when the emotion of love ebbs or fades, and there must be communication to foster the trust. Relationships with emotional equity can often sustain themselves dispite other inequites within the relationship, for the couple trusts, and can talk through other issues. Love is emotional, true love takes time and commitment, and that's the fruit of emotional equity...

Food for thought...

Tired of Taxes...

Margaret Thatcher once said, "The problem with Socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people's money." I am increasingly bothered by our politicians' notion that they have first rights to my money. As the debates rage over tax rates, tax cuts, tax increases, luxury taxes, gasoline taxes, payroll taxes, personal income taxes, sales taxes, medicare, medicade, FICA, regulatory taxes, utility taxes, property taxes, excise taxes, business income taxes, unemployment taxes, et al- all of which I pay, and you probably do too, I have to ask, when is enough enough? Why does the Government have the "right" to my wage, the compensation to my hard labor? I understand the need to support our country, but at some point we've got to draw a line...

Clearly there is a danger of over-taxing those who earn a wage, who create wealth, to compensate those who rely on the government for their daily necessities. There is a class of people in our country now who create no wealth, who pay little or no taxes, who's main contribution is to draw their sustinence off the wealth of others. The cronic unemployed, those second- and third-generation welfare families are several examples, are people who have learned to work the system and live without contributing. And these groups continue to grow at an alarming rate. At some point there won't be enough "wealth creators" to sustain these people, or as Margaret Thatcher so succinctly reminded us, you run out of other people's money...

The problem is, aside from the all too scary shift from Capitalism to Socialism, is that welfare strips us of our pride. We are made to create, to work, to produce. Work produces pride. When we get something for nothing, and continue to do so over an extended period of time, we are stripped of our self-worth, our self-esteem, and our desire to work is replaced by a sense of entitlement. We come to expect something for nothing, and those who continue to work must shoulder an even heavier load so the government can tax and redistribute the wealth (ie. Socialism). The Government wants people dependent on them because dependency equals control, and the more people the Government controls the greater the power it can weild...

So what can we do? I suggest we need to return to the ideals of our forefathers. Federal government should concentrate on the defense of our country. That is the main mandate of the Federal Government. Allow the states and local governments to run their own states- for we are the United States, by name a group of independent states united by common goals and laws. Let the distribution of welfare be handled by the Church, or private organizations, as in the past, where people can receive aid, but also guidance and direction. It has worked for decades without government interference, as exemplified by the Red Cross, the Salvation Army, et al. We are a generous and giving people by nature, but resentful when government forces our generosity...

We need to re-instill pride in our people. If someone needs help then allow them to work for that help, so there will be a sense of something earned rather than something entitled. We need to reduce the size of government, first by cutting those departments and peoples who fail to meet their mandates (ex. The Department of Energy was formed under President Carter to decrease our reliance on foreign oil. Today there are 38000 employees in the DoE and we are more reliant than ever on foreign oil. Disband the department). The department of Education should be shut down and the control returned to states and cities to run. We could go down the list and cut about 2/3 of the government payroll as deadwood or not meeting mandates they were created for.

Want to really fix healthcare? Two steps: First, nationalize the regulations that health care providers adhere to. Right now every state has their own regulations. Most insurance companies can only operate in specific states that they qualify in; level the playing field by making all regulations the same and you will create more competition, and thus more competitive costs and pricing. Second: take away the "golden goose" healthcare plan we pay for for our congressmen and make them buy insurance like we do and they'll fix any other problems. There is a greater interest in fixing problems when they directly affect you in a personal way. (Take away the pension plan and put our congressmen on social security for their retirement too).

In conclusion, I think we need to simplify tax rates, reduce the size of government, hold political apointees accountable, and allow states to govern themselves again. Level the playing field to allow competition, and keep the government out of private industry. Our government has no business running car manufacturers or running health care, etc. Take note, Barrak, of Margaret's words, for their truth has not yet been evident to you... Food for thought...

The State of Vulnerability...

"Only weak people allow themselves to be hurt." Ouch. I heard that and cringed... A few thoughts....

I written in several past posts about vulnerability, (and you can call them up thru the search function and read those thoughts, if interested), especially about vunerability's relationship with our ability to love deeply and completely. The relationship between our ability to experience true love and our ability let down our emotional walls, to put ourselves out there, is unquestioned. However, many people view vulnerability as a weakness, because vulnerability can lead to hurt, and allowing ourselves to get hurt is viewed as a sign of weakness. I beg to differ that point: to intentionally open ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt so that we might obtain a deeper, more encompassing, more fulfilling love is not weakness. No, the state of being vulnerable shows strength- of emotion, of will, of character. To face the possibility of pain for the greater gain is noble, while retreating behind emotional walls, closing onesself off from the possibility of hurt and the surety of deeper love, is the act of a coward.

People who say that they've been hurt in their past and don't want to risk hurt again as an excuse to withdraw are really saying that they took a chance in their past and it didn't pan out the way they wanted so now they choose to just exist emotionally instead of taking a chance on living, on experiencing the joys and excitment life has to offer. Existence vs life. An emotional fortress vs vulnerability. The choice is ours; are we strong enough to make it?

Delayed Gratification...

I'm bothered by alot theses days; gone are the carefree days of youth, and in their place I find a deep sense of responsibility... Not all bad but not nearly as fun as my younger days. It occured to me, during one of these "responsible pauses" that a great deal of our financial troubles as a nation is a result of our loss of a very important concept- Delayed Gratification.

We have become a nation, no a world, of peoples demanding instant gratification. The video posted a few blogs below pretty much says as much in a humorous way, but don't miss the message because you're laughing... We are a people of "I want", and want it now, and as a result we manipulate our finances, our circumstances, our lives to get it now. And that is unhealthy in ALL areas of life. Learning to delay gratification, to wait until we can afford, or fully appreciate, or handle our wants is far more healthy. As a country we could learn to curtail our spending, to balance our budgets, to simplify our lives again, and become healthy as a nation. All too often we pursue what we want only to find that, after getting it, it really isn't what we want, and even worse, need. Had we waited, and truly assessed our needs versus our desires we very well might have passed on it altogether...

This current generation is expected to be the first that will not be better off than the one before. Why is that? They have the latest in technology, they buy the desires of their hearts until their credit is maxed out, they get what they want, when they want. In a word, this generation is spoiled, and spoiled rotten. More twenty- and thirty-somethings find themselves BACK living at home, trying to get back on their feet, trying to re-establish themselves, trying to save money to pay off debt, than any other generation in history. Why? They never learned the art of "Delayed Gratification".

Let's look at the grandparents of this generation: Hard working, loyal, and frugal. Our grandparents knew the value of money and spent only when they could afford to. They delayed their desires until they could afford them, thus appreciating them all the more, because they were EARNED. Today nothing is earned. It's bought on credit, often sold with more owing than it's worth, only to add to an accumulating debt. Young people don't unserstand "saving for a rainy day". So where was the breakdown? It's in the parents of this generation- and the cultural breakdown we experienced in the sixties and early seventies when children becoming of age rebelled against their parents and those ideals that made them strong. Those ideals were viewed as restrictions and a whole "do what you feel" culture was born. Out of it came irresponsibility- financial, cultural, personal irresponsibility. The tenets of our forefathers were cast to the wayside and a new, far more amoral, irresponsible culture arose. Today we are paying the price with a generation of spoiled, over-indulged, underprepared, "non-contributing zero(s)", (as the comedian below labeled them).

We will not rise out of our current situation until we re-learn the art of Delayed Gratification. We need to re-learn loyalty, and responsibility, and fiscal restraint, personally and as a nation. The grass is always greener over the septic tank, but there's a bunch a crap you can't see below the surface. It isn't always wise to pursue "greener pastures" until you dig down a little, investigate, and make sure you aren't pursuing a load of , well you know... Delayed gratification can and will help us avoid alot of mistakes, if we're willing to take the time to re-learn this lost art...

Food for thought...

Battle of the Sexes...

My educational background is in Human Relations (Psychology/Sociology) and even from early on in my studies I have been fascinated by relationships, and even more so, why they fail. I think there’s some general differences between the sexes that if understood might dramatically increase the potential for success in relationships. Of course, wisdom often comes through experience, and the most acute experience is often a result of failure, at least that’s my experience...

Speaking generally now, I believe that women fail to understand perhaps the most basic flaw in men, and that is that men tend to be very linear. Women can operate on several different levels at once, are more diverse emotionally, and entirely more complex than men. Men focus on only one or two things at a time. They tend to develop along those lines and what you see is what you get. Women prioritize needs and desires and seek to fulfill those most important first. One of the most basic needs in a woman is for security, safety in their home[front]. They often seek men who are go-getters, workaholics who seem most capable of meeting those security/home needs. And those needs are met. But then they move on to wanting to meet those deeper, more emotional needs, to connect more spiritually. Much deeper drive in women overall. Suddenly they find that the spouse they’ve chosen is distant, always gone working, too busy collecting “things” rather than paying attention to those needs that are now in the forefront... And women get discontented, and the relationship suffers.

In men’s defense, they’re usually clueless, which is difficult for women to understand. Are men really such idiots? In a word, yes. I’ve heard many men simply confounded because they worked their butt off giving a nice home and cars, and all the trappings, and “suddenly” their wife is leaving or has left them. What did they do wrong? (They met the initial need, but failed to develop emotionally to keep pace with their spouse). Women need to view men like a smorgasbord- lots of different kinds but you only get to pick one or two attributes from the selection. Do you want security? A go-getter, a workaholic type. Are you interested in emotional needs met? Then you might have to sacrifice drive in a man to get one willing to stay home and pay attention to you... Bottom line, if women could focus long-term on what will make them happy they might choose entirely different in the near-term, because with men what you see is what you get. You probably won’t change them, and if you do you might not like the result...

Sometimes men are capable of change, but usually it takes a traumatic event in their life- like a divorce (or in my personal case, a heart attack)- to wake them up or shake up their priorities. (And their "ex" says, who is this guy? He wasn't like that when we were married)... I think one of the biggest causes in the surge of homosexuality and lesbianism is not because of a perverse sexual urge, but because of an overwhelming desire to be understood, to be with someone who "gets it", and who better than one of our own sex...


If you really want to be with someone who "gets you" who will love and appreciate you, who will understand you, learn to not be afraid to tell what you want, and don't settle for less than what makes you happy. Communicate! Don't be with someone with the hope you can change them- odds are you will lose that battle and be hurt and frustrated in the process. Figure out what you want long term and make that your aim. Also, you get out of a relationship what you are willing to put in, so if you want love and respect (for example) you need to be willing to give the same, for the measure you give it is in that measure it will be returned to you. And remember- if you leave your happiness in the hands of a man you might be in for some "I'm sorry" times... Food for thought...

A Gotta See!

 

I ran across this and thought it needed to be shared- a return to reality… Enjoy!

This is too true! Everything’s amazing but no one’s happy!

Questions???

Sometimes, especially late at night when I have trouble sleeping, I find myself questioning- my faith, existence, the whys of life... Is this all there is? Why do bad things happen, especially to me? Haven't I been through enough? What am I supposed to learn from [this]? Sometimes I find myself feeling guilty for my questions. After much thought I've come to the conclusion that questioning doesn't really flow from a lack of faith, although that's what my heart tells me, rather it is an exercise that allows me to strengthen my faith...

I think that questioning isn't bad, for if I question things but still do what is right then my faith is stronger for it, for if my belief is that God is in control and will ultimately reveal His plan for me through my circumstances and I continue to follow Him even through periods of doubt it is my faith that grows, that strengthens... I think that lack of questions, or blind faith, indicates a fear to grow spiritually, a fear to push the boundries of what we believe, a desire to remain within the comfort zone of the known...

Questions open up our intellectual and spiritual horizons and allow us to grow far beyond the known, and although scary, and sometimes conflicting, they stretch us in new directions. To grow is to live, to remain (intellectually and spiritually) stagnant is to exist, and ultimately to merely exist is intellectual and spiritual suicide. I think God is pleased when we question, when we face doubts and fears and don't allow them to paralyze us into inaction, either physically, intellectually or spiritually. I believe He is pleased when we exercise our choice in the face of doubts and fears to continue to follow His tenants, for the greatest gift we can give God is the gift of our free will to believe in Him, to exercise our faith, and to choose to grow closer to Him...

One of God's greatest gift to us was our free will to be able to choose to follow Him. Although he created us out of His desire for community, out of His desire to fellowship with us He wanted us to freely to desire to live in community with Him. When Adam and Eve did the whole disobedience thing and sinned Adam chose to intentionally turn from that fellowship, that community and one of our greatest gifts became our greatest curse. And yet, it is that curse that allows us to turn back to God, to choose daily to live in community with Him, even though we cannot physically be in His prescence as Adam was able to be... Faith is believing in the unseen, and questions help clarify and strengthen what we believe. what we know but cannot see.

I think I'll continue to question...

Infinitism...

I read today that there really isn't any conflict between faith and science because in reality they ask different questions. I'm assuming that the writer was giving the old apples to oranges comparison, and concluding that we aren't comparing same things. I have a little problem with that. I think that science, in the long term, actually validates faith. Faith is the belief in things unseen, the act of believing whether or not proof is readily available. Science looks for proof, and as there is only one ultimate Truth, which is God, if science does it's homework correctly it will ultimately lead right to Him.

Our problem with science is, we think we know more than we do. We postulate, and correlate, and extrapolate, and even sometimes hesitate, as we seek for Truth. The problem is, when we don't know, we forget about all the knowledge that is in the universe that we have not yet tapped into, the vast galaxies of information waiting to be discovered, and we don't allow ourselves the luxury of saying, "It is possible; it just hasn't been discovered yet."

I had a friend some years back, who was a self-professed agnostic, who tried to trip me up with one of those dichotomy questions, you know, where the answer contridicts itself... He asked, "If God can do anything then can He make a rock so heavy he can't lift it?" I promptly answered, "Yes." "
"So", he argued, "if He can make the rock then He can't lift it. If He can't lift it He can't do anything. If He can lift it then He can't make the rock."

"No", I said, "You're wrong. You see, the premise is that God can do anything. Therefore He can make the rock and He can lift it. Your problem is you have a finite mind trying to understand an infinite God, to whom all things are possible, and you can't wrap your mind around the concept that he can do anything. ANYTHING. So while I don't profess to know how, I do know it's within His realm of possibilty, because it is within His infinite ability."

While my friend was unconvinced he was also at a loss for argument... So I asked him to close his eyes and try to picture nothingness, the way it was before creation. Don't picture empty space, for space is something- picture nothingness. He couldn't, because nothingness is an infinite quality and we cannot grasp it with our finite minds. Just like trying to grasp the capabilities of an infinite God with our finite minds is utterly futile. And yet God revealls Himself to us, daily, in nature, in science, in everyday life,because He wants us to get to know Him, personally, intimately, as He knows us. Why does He care so much about us, a broken and sinful people? Now there's a mystery...

Food for thought...

It's the darndest thing...

I've mentioned how much I enjoy working on my geneology in past posts, but today I got quite a little surprise. In my reasearch of one of my earliest ancestors, Cerdic of Wessex, said to be the very first King of England, and the founder of the Brittish Royal lineage, I found that I'm linked through three of my ancestors to current Queen Elizabeth II of England. Both our lineages run through the Empress of Germany Matilda Maud, her mother Princess Matilda of Scotland, and her grandmother Matilda De Flanders, Queen of England and wife of William I, King of England. The Queen Matilda is my twenty-six times great-grandmother (29 generations ago). So I must be a cousin to Queen Elizabeth, about a zillion times removed, but related none the less.

So to my cuz I make this offer; Liz, I know you have alot on your plate, being the head of 16 Soveriegn States under the Brittish crown, so if you want help it's here. I'd be glad to run any of the following: Austrailia, New Zealand, the Bahamas, Jamaica, St Lucia, Greneda, or St Vincent, or any combination thereof. I know that asking for help is difficult, especially for proud people like your side of the family, so that's why I'm offering. I hope you're not to proud to take me up on my offer!

The Value of Disappointment

I met my folks for lunch today and, through the course of the meal conversation, a thought struck me. I realized that disappointment is really unrealized expectations. My initial conclusion to my thoughts was that no expectations equals no disappointment. No expectations, no disappointment. But developing my thought train more fully I realized that that would be a terrible way to live. We need expectations if we ever expect to fulfill any goals we might set in life. And so, we also need disapointment, for it is the emotional guage that notifies us when we fall short, when we need to readjust, re-evaluate, or revamp our drive or our goals... Imagine living a life without goals- just drifting day to day, merely exisiting, with no drive or desire for betterment, for that in itself is a goal... Just putting in our time... I don't think I could ever live that way, for I need things, or goals, to drive me, to motivate me, to give each day purpose... I guess I've condemned myself to a life of potential disappointment...


Relationally, however, I think perhaps I will adapt this idea somewhat- I think I have had expectations in my relationships in the past and definitely had disappointments. Perhaps from a realtional standpoint I will expect nothing, at least initially, and perhaps I won't be disappointed so readily... Food for thought...


(This a a picture of my new Grill- I have to learn how to use it because so far things taste crappy)...

A Tribute to Autumn...

From flaming reds and yellows
to curled and dried up browns
All of Summer's glory
Chose my yard to find the ground.

Blowing, raking, piling high
Though daunting, I finally win.
Yet somehow, when the darkness falls
Leaves cover my yard again.

People who wait to rake until the end
'Till their trees bear leaves no more
Find all their leaves have blown, I think
To pile up outside my door...

Another week of work is done,
I could use relaxation time a lot
But looking at my yard again
I realize another weekend's shot...

Titles...

I've been recovering these past several months, first from a sprained knee- I sprained my ACL and had several micro-tears in my quad muscle, then several weeks after the sprain I fractured my fibula. Needless to say, I had time to kill as I sat around with my leg propped up healing (I don't heal quite as fast as when I was a youngster)... I tried to make good use of my time by working on the history of my family tree. I've been interested for some time now in my geneology and I was able to focus myself on some in-depth research.

I've never been big on titles, preferring to be judged on my work, or actions- the what that I am rather than the who... Still, it was rather exhilerating to find that I have been spawned from quite the "Titlted" lineage. I traced my direct anscestory back to King John of England (that "bad" younger brother of Richard the Lionhearted during the "Robinhood" stories), through the Plantegenets, the first English born kings of England. I found I was directly related to Kings from Denmark, Sweden, France, Italy, Jerusalem, and the crown jewel- Charlemange, or Charles I, the king of the Franks and first crowned Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, by the Pope, in 800 AD. I am a direct descendant of Rolf Ragnvaldsson, the first Duke of Normandy. I found Dukes, and Dutchesses, Earls and Lords, Counts, Princes and princesses scattered throughout my lineage. Wow, but they really don't do anything for me today. They tell me from which I come, the "who" that I am, but only I can define the "what" that I am.

Yet, after my disclaimer that I don't seek titles, that I prefer to be judged on my actions, even still, today I was given a new title, and it is one I covet. Of all titles I could desire "father" is the one I am most proud of. Today's is second, for today Jacoby Ryan was born, 7lbs 13oz, and 21 inches long, and today I became "Grandpa"...

A Tribute...

Back in 1986 I was a brash, confident, 20-something young man, two years employed at the business I now own. The previous owner hired an old friend of his- a 55 year old semi-retired guy who'd sold his business and was looking for something to fill his days. Our early days were somewhat confrontational, for he was under the impression he was brought in to "run the place" and that was a direct affront to my authority, for I felt I ran the place. Though early indications pointed to little likelihood that we could co-exist we somehow defied the odds and actually developed a strong friendship.

My friend, Don, taught me much about people and life, and I owe him an awful lot for my later successes in life, and particularly in dealing with people. Though I learned much the greatest lesson I believe I learned from Don was that everyone comes with their own unique baggage. No one is perfect and before I trash a relationship I should weigh all the good of a person against the bad, If the good outweighs the bad then perhaps the relationship (or employee) is worth salvaging, for trashing one person for another was just trading one set of baggage for another. That taught me tolerance for the faults of others, and gave me an awareness of my own shortcomings...

My relationship with Don lasted twenty-four years, almost a quarter of a century, through many good times and a few bad ones. Tonight I offically ended that relationship, telling my old friend goodbye after all these years of working together, for my friend passed away this past weekend, and tonight was his visitation. I can't imagine my company without him, or life without arguing politics or religion with him. Tonight I say goodbye My Friend, for you are loved, and will be missed, for you are irreplaceable in my heart. Though we had differences in beliefs and philosophies I hope to one day see you again on the other side. Vaya con Dios, Don, go with God.

"Tells"

Any good poker player will study his opponent for "tells". A tell is an unconscious tic, or gesture, or habit that gives away the fact that your opponent is bluffing, or, in essence, lying. Tonight I discovered a tell, not of myself, but of our president.

Let me first say that I respect the office of the Presidency, and believe that whoever holds that office deserves our support until that time that they disgrace the office, until they prove themselves unworthy. I believe that the antics of the President this past November election have shown him to be unworthy and a total disgrace to his office and his Country- my Country. Tonight, watching an interview he gave on CBS' 60 Minutes, I discovered Obama's "tell". When he's bluffing, or lying, his lips move. That's his tell.

Tonight he told America how he has tried to reach out to the Republican Party leaders during his first two years. I ask you Mr President, were you reaching out when you told them, just after winning office in 2008, that you won and they'd have to do things your way? Or was it when they refused to back your irresponsible spending, and you accused them of standing on the sidelines sipping a slurpy while YOUR party tried to get the car out of the ditch? Was it when you told them they'd have to "ride in the back"? Or perhaps when you called Republicans "the Enemy"? Mr Obama, Rosa Parks refused to ride in the back and as a result we had a civil right revolution in this country. No one has to "ride in the back" any more. I would think, when you make such incindiary comments, that you could appreciate how far we've come as a country, and we won't tolerate your reverse discrimination- not now, not ever. As for "reaching out", you have been the most polarizing, most divisive, most intolerant president ever.

Perhaps if you weren't so narcisisstic, so arrogant and full of yourself, you might actually pay attention to what the country screamed at you this past mid-term election. But like all narcissists you are so sure of yourself, of your agenda, that what others think really doesn't matter. But you have shown your true colors- not a President of "change", but a politician that will say anything and everything to sway a vote, without regard to the consequences when you fail to follow through... You were going to be transparent, remember? But you rammed through your health care bill, despite the objections of the majority of the country, and when you didn't have the votes you used back door politics, underhanded politics to force it through. Your first two years are marked with legislation loaded with earmarks and stink of cronyism. You have been no better than the "Good Ole Boy Politicians" you belittled and ran against in your campaign, and indeed you've shown yourself to be worse than many.

I wonder if the country knew of your involvement in the whole story behind Sherrie Sherrod, how she got you, as a Junior Senator from Illinois to reopen a settlement of a case she instigated on behalf of black farmers (in 1997) so that additional farmers could apply for compensation, I wonder how the people of this country would react to you... What was the original settlement (in 1999) Mr President? Wasn't it up to $50,000 per farmer, and capped at 1600 farmers? The original case was a class action suit filed on behalf of 400 black farmers, and the settlement allowed for 4x the number of farmers to apply- post settlement. Since she convinced you to reopen it how many claims have been file MR President? I believe over 85,000 claims filed, right Sir? Which is interesting, since there are only (roughly) 39,000 black farmers in America. And who has claimed the most from this action? Isn't it the Sherrod family, at over 13 million dollars? Mr President, is this why you wanted her to resign when she hit the national spotlight? Where is she today? Shouldn't you hold some responsibility for the BILLIONS of dollars out of which our government has been defrauded?

I think it's time for Americans to stand up for what is right, and just, and your actions are neither. America has been the land of a "Silient Majority" for too long. Now we're starting to wake up. Now Washington is going to have to be accountable. My granddaady used to say it isn't wise to poke a sleeping bear- well we've been poked, prodded, and are ready to fight back. This is my space, and these are my opinions, and I have the right to express them, Mr President, without riding in the back, or being an "Enemy". I'm not standing on the sidelines anymore, sipping my slurpy. You poke the bear you live with the consequences. Food for thought...

Ignorance is bliss...

I received an e-mail from a friend today, asking what I have learned as I've aged. Interesting question, because I do think I keep learning as I age, and yet there is one overwhelming thing I've learned and continue to realize as I get older- the more I learn the more aware I am of the depth of my ignorance.

To continue to learn, to address the depths of our (my) ignorance is a sign of maturity. The old sying that "Ignorance is bliss" is all too true, for when we live unaware of all we don't know there is a sense of well-being, that as long as each day passes all is well. As parents we see it in our kids as they grow out of those prepubesent years and into their teens. They know everything, they have all the answers, and we don't know anything anymore. I remember my dad was the dumbest guy on the face of the earth when I was in school, then one day I came home and he was the smartest man I knew. I asked him when he got so smart, and he said when I grew up.

Some people never grow up, they just grow old. They live in a blissful world where they know everything, where their intellect is never challenged, where ignorance is the unrealized king. So what have I learned as I've aged? I've learned to appreciate God's willingness to continually show me, to remind me the of the incredible depth of my ignorance, the continued revelation of how little I really know...

Yea, Though I Walk Through the Valley...

I'm currently "in the valley", if you will... We all love those mountaintop experiences, but the reality is that there isn't too much that grows up there. Growth happens in the valley. We may not like the valley, for though there is growth in the valley in growth there is pain, and we don't particularly like pain as a rule. On the mountaintop we can see for miles, we can see farther than tomorrow, but in the valley our view is obscured; we're forced to concentrate on that which is close around us...

So, I'm wallowing through one of those "valleys" life throws at us. I am lucky, in one respect, because God has allowed me to recognize when I get in one, and that in itself helps temper the low I tend to feel in these valleys of life. As a rule, when we experience an emotional high in life it will be invariably followed by a corresponding low. And, the higher the high the lower the following low. The longer the high, the longer the low. It's part of the emotional balance of our lives. Interestingly, if you recognize when you are on an emotional high and remember there will be a following low it tends to temper the height of the high, and consequently will temper the depths of the low. Recognizing when we're in a low can allow us to more readily recognize the growth we experience during this time, and this too, will temper the effects of the low and can make our walk through the valley much more palitable...

So I walk on, and try to remain open to that which God has for me to learn. Perhaps being more open is a good lesson to start with. Food for thought...

Thunderstorms...

It's raining tonight. Thunder, lightning, rain pounding off the house- it's been too long since it rained, and even longer since we've had a good thunderstorm. I've missed the thunderstorms... A lot of people don't care for rain, and even less for thunderstorms, but I love them. The sheer majesty, the raw power, and yes, even the danger are compelling to me, they draw me in and speak to that dark side of my soul that desires to give comfort, and companionship. It's almost like comfort and companionship are an affront to the storm, yet those are what my soul longs to give during the outrage of the storm...

It's these times, when I sit alone during the storm, that I miss a companion, someone to wrap my arms around, someone who wants to feel safe in the embrace of another... As the thunder rolls I look down at the end of the couch where Winston is curled up in a ball, sound asleep, no fear of the storm. Not even he needs me right now... I just can't catch a break...

To forgive and forget? I think not...

I was writing to a friend today when a thought crossed my mind that I felt compelled to share. Since I was a child I've heard people say, "Forgive and forget", we should forgive and forget the wrongs done to us. I'm considerably older now, (and I hope wiser than as a child), and I just can't help seeing the fallacy of this "ignoracio elenchi". We are wronged- we can forgive, but how do we forget?


I offer this to you- we shouldn't forget the wrongs done to us, nor the wrongs we do. But we should forgive and seek forgiveness for those wrongs. After that, the wrong should be treated like a corpse, a dead thing, that is buried and gone. That forgiven wrong isn't something to be brought up at a later date to be used in an argument, just as we wouldn't dig up a corpse when we recall a memory of them, rather it remains buried. We don't forget the dead one, but we don't dig them up for any reason what-so-ever...


How neat would it be if we treated wrongs this way? Instead of holding on to them, or bringing them up in anger during an argument, we leave them buried, forgiven but not forgotten, so we can learn from them and be relationally better in the future. Leaving them buried, but remembered, gives us a resource to be better people, because we remember and can learn from our mistakes... Food for thought...

Failure...

Today I failed, which is nothing new for me, for I'm always trying one thing or another. Failure is always an option when you're willing to try. Too often we don't experience life to its fullest because we're afraid of failure. There's not a darn thing wrong with failing; the wrong comes in when we allow it to defeat us. Failure is one of the greatest tools we have for building character, for developing endurance, for gaining appreciation for our victories. When we pick ourselves up after a failure and try again, and again, until we succeed, we develop that confidence in ourselves that we can and will conquer anything. Failing on the road to success builds our faith in ourselves, and ultimately our self-worth, and self-esteem. Yet fear of failure often keeps us on the sidelines, a spectator instead of a participant, living life vicariously through those with the courage to try what we will not. We see their success, and can, in some small measure, share it with them; however, they get the full rush from their victory, the full joy and satisfaction that only participating can bring... It was said that Thomas Edison failed over a thousand times before perfecting the incandescent lightbulb. When asked if he grew discouraged at all his failures he replied (to effect) that he didn't fail a thousand times- he discovered a thousand different ways not to build a lightbulb...

So I failed, and thought, "Back to the drawing board". Then a sobering thought hit me- what did people go back to before drawing boards were invented?

I was grocery shopping last week when I bumped into a couple who attends my church. Now we go way back, some twenty years or more, when I used to pitch for a church softball team and he was my catcher. We chatted a few minutes, exchanging pleasantries and catching up on things, then I went on my way. A couple of days later I received a call.

It was from my old friend, who told me he had a friend in need and, after running into me at the store, thought he might put the two of us together... This new guy had no job, was looking for a place to live, and really had no where to turn. My friend knew that, in the past, I've given people help, jobs, and even allowed some to live in my home, so he called...

Now I must be honest- more often than not I've been severly disappointed when helping people. I've had my business robbed twice (by a "Christian" man I employed when he was down and out), my home has been robbed, personal items, money stolen- well, you get the picture. At first, I told my friend I'd give it some thought, but after a couple of days I called and passed on helping him. Smart, right?

I don't think so... I really could find any justification in the Scriptures to validate my decision. I did find time and again where we're supposed to help those in need, those less fortunate than ourselves. And I came to this realization- Helping others really doesn't have anything to do with the way I feel. If I wait until I "feel" good about doing something then I may never act. If I wait for that ideal time, or the perfect circumstance, then I may never help another again. Instead, I must sieze the moment, must act courageously, despite my feelings, or busyness, or fear of disappointment. god doesn't call me to act when it feels right to me, or when I have time, or because it makes me feel good to do so- no, God just calls me to act. Period.

To act regardless might be viewed as foolhardy by most people today. I believe to act shows courage, and boldness, to trust God for the eventual outcome... Henri Nouwen once prayed: "Let me have the courage to live fully even when it's risky, vibrantly even when it leads to pain, and spontaneously even when it leads to mistakes". Lord help me to act in Your time, and not when it's convenient for me... Food for thought...

Alone vs Lonely...

To be alone is not the same as to be lonely. I can't believe how long it's taken me to realize this simple truth, when in fact I've lived it's wisdom most of my life... I have always been a loner, even in the midst of people, guarding and insulating the "real me" behind a facade of humor and extroversion. To know the real me is a feat of gargantuan porportion, that so few have accomplished that I can number them on one hand, for in my innermost being I am a social recluse, while appearing to be socially extroverted. To penetrate that veneer takes time and trust, and all to few have had enough of the one to earn the other, and so I live alone in my mind, content in the knowledge that I am secure in my ability to fool others...

Yet am I not fooling myself, for if I claim to be one way yet live another, who am I really? What is truth and what is facade? Perhaps to live long enough contrary to the true me is, at some point, to begin to own the contridiction as truth...

Still, I've learned it is better to be alone than to be with another and feel lonely. To desire to share one's life, one's most personal inner self with another, one's hopes and dreams and deepest longings, and discover that depth is missing in the relationship leaves you lonely... and depressed... and desiring more. It is totally possible to be with others and be completely lonely. And it's just as possible to be completely alone and not be lonely at all...

I should add that while often in my later life I find myself "completely" alone I really am not alone at all. I am so grateful for my relationship with Jesus Christ, for God's grace to allow me to be in community with Him at any given moment, that loneliness is not an option. Sure, I occassionally allow my focus to be on myself and feel sorry for myself for past relational failings, but He is always there to remind me that no matter how bad I screw up He is waiting to love and forgive me... Perhaps someday He'll drop a mate into my life that has the same grace and forgiveness and I can taste a bit of Heaven here on earth before my days are done... And Hope lives on...

Stars...

My daughter is currently in the midst of a 5-week missions trip to Haiti. She called one night, a week into her trip, and excitedly told me all about her trip thus far. One thing she especially marveled at was the millions of stars she could see in the night sky. The thought came to me of how we gaze into the heavens, amazed at the millions of stars we see, but the reality is, because it takes hundreds of light years (and more) for the light from those stars to reach us, we really don't know if those stars are still live or if they've burned out... We might be staring into a cosmic graveyard without even realizing it. But one thing is true- as we stare into the night sky and admire the heavens we are actually staring into the past, into what those stars were hundreds of light years ago...

When we look to the stars we look to the past. When we look around us, at our lives, our kids, our jobs, our desires, this is our present, and we need to learn to live in the moment, to enjoy today, for there is only one today. If we are always living in our past then we miss today, until it becomes our yesterday, and then it's too late. If we always plan ahead, look to the future then our awareness of today is when it's still tomorrow- something to be anticipated, but no place to live. The ability to live in the moment, to appreciate today, is what gives our lives flavor, adds depth and meaning to our days... Learn to stop and smell the roses (literally and figuratively!)

Our faith is our tomorrow, and our hope is our future. Some lack faith, some feel hopeless, and their tomorrows are bleak to be sure. But, as a Christ-follower, my faith is in God, and my hope is in an eternity with Him. What better future could one aspire to? So I live in today, and I aspire for tomorrow, and am warmed by the memories of my yesterdays...

Food for thought...

Faster than the Speed of Light...

It's been a while, but good to be back...

I enjoy mowing the grass, for it is almost always a time of reflection, sometimes of abstract thinking... I had an epiphany the other day, while mowing.

We often think of the speed of light as that fastest speed possible, that 186,282 miles per second. Some speculate that to reach or exceed the speed of light could possible stop or reverse time itself. I don't know about that, but to realize, as I gaze into the heavens and realize that, despite light traveling at such a speed, it takes years upon years for the light of those stars to reach me. As I look at the stars it is entirely possible that many of those very stars have burned out and I'm really staring at a cosmic graveyard. I'm actually marveling at the past, for those stars in their present state are a mystery to us...

There is something that is faster than the speed of light however. It moves so fast that it is literally instantaneous- given and received simultaneously. What is so speedy? Love. As fast as I can show it to you you can feel it, can experience it if you're open to it's possiblity. Love was, love is, love will be. We don't fully understand it, but we desire it, we crave it, we seek it out. Love fulfills us, it warms us, it satisfies us. Love is all powerful, for it is the very essence of God. God is Love (I John 4:8). God, all-knowing, all-powerful, all-seeing, all-encompassing, is love. Love is what satisfied His perfect need for justice; love is the essence that redeemed mankind and reestablished community with God. It's no wonder we seek it with all our heart... Food for thought...