Obama- Arrogant or just Clueless?

I watched the exclusive Obama interview with David Gregory on Meet The Press this morning, and then the subsequent round table discussion by the normally "liberal" side of the media... I was amazed to listen to our president, who campaigned five years ago on change, on bringing our "broken" country back together, once again this morning throw Republicans under the bus. He said that he was a man of compromise, that the Democrats were willing to compromise, but Republicans just can't say yes to compromise- despite his willingness to "go more than half way". As a fiscal conservative, and an independent voter, who votes for both Democrats and Republicans, I say this to you Mr. President- You have been the most divisive, polarizing president that I have ever experienced in my 50+ years. You have continually blamed your failure to lead on "Republicans", you have repeatedly and publicly ridiculed and demagogue them, either because you are too clueless in your ability to understand how to work with people, or because you are so arrogant that you feel you don't have too. What a way to "bring people together". And believe it or not, my liberal media friends agree!
Personally I don't believe you are clueless. I believe you are one of the most arrogant, deceptive, self-centered people I've ever seen, and, as a voter and tax-payer you technically work for me. Had I the power I would fire you, and put someone in your place that really understands negotiation, who doesn't allow his ego to get in his way, and perhaps some of this Washington gridlock would dissipate. But I don't have that power, nor are there enough like me to do it. You see, I'm a small business owner, who, during your administration has taken a 75% paycut in order to keep my key employees on, who believes our country will one day rebound despite your attempts to spend us into bankruptcy. As a business owner I understand the principle that you can only spend what you bring in, I understand how important it is to balance a budget- do you know what a budget is Mr President? It's that Constitutional thing you've ignored passing during your entire administration. Instead, you continue, in your arrogance, to spend like there's no accounting, no tomorrow to worry about. Then you go on TV and tell all those people you've given handouts to just how wonderful a job you're doing "protecting" them.
Tell me Mr. President, where does all the money come from that you want to spend on all these handouts? Let me tell you- it comes out of the pockets of the hard-working minority of Americans like me, who have to support not just myself, but also almost half the country you've got on one kind of" entitlement" or another. You talk about the everybody needs to sacrifice, the rich need to pay a little more, and you talk the talk but don't walk the walk. You just came back from a "family vacation" in Hawaii. When I go on vacation I pay for it. Your little family vacation cost the taxpayers over four million dollars. Was it really worth that kind of money for you and your family to go on yet another vacation at my expense? You have taken more vacations than any other preceeding president! You and your family spend taxpayer money like you're entitled to it! And when criticised, throw out the race card. No one wants to be considered a racist, but here's a newsflash- you and Michelle are clearly two of the most public racists ever!
No Mr. President, you clearly aren't getting the job done. You are lining the pockets of your friends and allies, you are mortgaging my children and grandchildren's future with your reckless fiscal policies, and you certainly aren't helping small businessmen like me. Perhap if you had ever actually had a private sector job you might understand my frustrations with you, but all you've ever done is "worked" in the government- leeching off taxpayers to gain your wealth and prosperity. Perhaps we need a Constitutional amendment that makes it a requirement for one to actually have held a job outside of government before they can run for political office. Either you would be disqualified or you'd have to forge another document...
Food for thought...

Merry Christmas!

 

I decided that today, in the spirit of the season, to share some little ditties that have been passed on to me so that others might enjoy them to. So enjoy, and if I don't blog before it arrives, I wish you all a "Merry Christmas!" and a Happy New Year. Remember the reason for the season...

Now, you really need to try this way of bathing your cat...

 Here's a couple of cute ones that seem to capture my views on exercise, especially as I grow older...

 Isn't it interesting how we look to God in times of trouble, but don't really want Him in our lives the rest of the time? I often wonder how the "rights of beliefs" of a small minority (ie. atheists) can so negatively impact the rights of the majority... I prefer my God in my schools, workplace, government...

 

If "laughter is the best medicine" as my generation grew up believing (thanks Reader's Digest!) then why are we so hesitant to taake our medicine? I think we need to find our laughter again!

Growing old has its benefits! People seem to excuse us old people more readily for our eratic behavior! Makes me just want to act out all the more!

Too cute!

And there's always some type of scam going today isn't there? The internet is full of them, and, for just $19.95 I'll be happy to send you a complete list to watch out for! (Sorry- couldn't resist that!)

 

 

Thanks to all who read and peruse my bits of wit and occassional wisdom. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I do in sharing!

 

Connections...

I thought I'd lost this post, but somehow it mysteriuosly returned in my drafts- so here it is!

I was sitting on my couch this past week, watching another exciting episode of Big Bang Theory, and was suddenly overcome with the desire to communicate to my grown children that I loved them. Now they know that already, but all being grown and out on their own, making their own homes and families, it's easy to forget... So I called my son out in Nebraska, and got his voice mail, so I left him a message that I wasn't calling for any particular reason, just wanted to tell him I loved him. Then I called my second son and, of course, got voice mail, aand left him the same message. Knowing my daughter I knew she's notoriously bad at listening to her messages so, being the tech savvy dad that I am, I texted her. I just reminded her how extrordinary she was and that I loved and missed her.

I didn't hear anything for a while, then got a text from my daughter that said she really needed that. she was in the midst of an especially tough week and was really feeling overwhelmed, then my text came and she just went into her office and cried. The next day my second son called and updated me on things and told me he loved me. I never did hear from my son in Nebraska, but I know how busy he is, and I know he loves me... All this made me realize how important staying connected is, how important just a moment of our time and attentions could be to one we love. As families spead farther and farther apart it becomes even more imperative to make those small efforts to stay connected.

It doesn't take much to stay connected. The toughest part is being the instigator, or remembering to act. But the fruits of that action, when fruit is realized, can be so sweet, so fulfilling to the soul.
Instigate. Reach out. Connect. Your relationships will thank you...

Food for thought...

Communication in Commitment

I wrote what I considered a wonderful blog a bit over a week ago, and being so tech-savvy, I managed to delete it somehow, despite the fact that it is supposed to automatically save itself as I go along. I guess if there's a way to mess it up I'll find it...
The gist of the blog was the importance of remaining committed in our relationships. By that I mean we shouldn't take them for granted. All too often we tend to do just that, forgetting to do the little things, to take initiative to keep our relationships special. We often forget to tell those who are precious to us just how precious they are, or what makes them so special. We somehow expect them to know how wonderful they are without us telling them. And yet, just taking the initiative to drop them a note, or text, or a quick call could make all the difference to them. A couple of weeks ago I texted my daughter a reminder of how incredible she is and that I loved and missed her. A while later I got a response- "You are wonderful.I needed to hear that today. I'm so discouraged and I feel like today has been a day from hell... Your text made me cry in my office..." Sixty seconds or less to send a brief message that completely lifted a day. Isn't it worth our effort?
Communication is so critical in healthy relationships. All too often we expect the other half of our relationship to just "know" what we think or feel. But none of us are mind readers and we need to learn to take initiative to share what is important to us with those who are important to us. So why don't we? Because sharing can make us feel vulnerable. We tend to share with others with the expectation of reciprical sharing. When it doesn't happen we feel vulnerable and withdraw, at least mentally and emotionally. We begin to refuse to put ourselves out there until we get something first. And communication breaks down. And commitment is threatened.
When we learn to overcome the onus of going first, of taking the chance, communication stands the best chance of flourishing, of growing. And our relationships get healthier. Learn to share what is important with those who are important in our lives. Food for thought...

Post Election Rant...

It's a sad day today, for the private sector in our American economy. By the narrowest of margins  Obama was re-elected to a second term in the presidency. The Senate remains under the control of the Democrats, the House under the control of the Republicans. It is exactly the same dynamic we had prior to the election- and look how well that worked. Now the private sector is faced with the most divisive, polarizing racist president we've ever had, one who is determined to raise taxes on the private sector businesses- for that is the only place he can get more revenue from.

Don't believe the lies about making the top several percent "pay their share", for that's just all smoke and mirrors. If we went back to the Clinton rates for those top people the additional income is estimated to be able to run the government an additional eight days... Not the win-fall the president tried to lead the country to believe. So why raise those rates? Because that indiviual rate tranfers over to the business income tax rate and that means a huge tax increase for private small businesses. One estimate said that 97% of all small businesses will be adversely affected... Again, certainly not the champion of small business he (Obama) tried to present himself as being...

Small business drives job growth. Squeezing small business, as this administration is doing, is a job killer. Is it no wonder this has been a jobless recovery? I'm tired of hearing about how many jobs are being "created". The reality is it takes an additional 125,000 jobs per month just to keep up with the population growth. I wish the general population would take the time and effort to educate themselves- we might be able to dig ourselves out of this mess with proper knowledgeable leadership. Instead, almost half the country is getting government haandouts or assisstance of one kind or another and they won't vote for change if it means it might hinder that.

One woman interviewed said Obama was her hero, and when asked why she said, "Because I get Obama money". Obama money? Lady, that money doesn't come from Obama- it comes right out of the wallets of every hard-working  American who pays their taxes... Obama just delegates it to those who's vote he can buy... When more than half the country is on government assistance of one kind or another then each working person is saddled with supporting two peeople. Want to fix the system in a hurry? If you don't pay taxes you don't get to vote. How will you be elected then Mr President?

Now I have to go. I have an "Obama Drove Me Out of Business" sale to plan...
Food for thought...

Remedial Math...

So I'm watching Jay Leno and the Tonight Show last night and President Obama was on. Because I was angry with myself I decided to punish myself by making me watch. At one point Leno asked the Prez questions pulled from Facebook and the audience. One question was, "When you help your daughters with their homework what subject gives you the most trouble?" Obama's answer was, "Math. When my daughter's were younger I had no problem. I was good up to about 7th grade. Now my oldest daughter is a freshman in high school and quite frankly, I'm lost".
Wow. Now perhaps it's just me, but when I keep hearing him say "The math just doesn't work" when criticisng Romney's economic plan perhaps it's because he has a remedial 7th grade math education.

 Yesterday Donald Trump offered $5 million to the charity of Obama's choice if he would release his passport and college transcripts. Of course Obama declined, for usually when someone works so hard to hide something there's usually something to hide. But now I wonder, did Obama not take him up on it because he's so poor in math and would have to ask for help counting the money?

I think even a remedial 7th grade math education should be able to grasp the concept of expanding the base to raise revenues.  Perhaps Mitt Romney needs to give him a visual aide:
Obama- 45% of 1,000,000 = $450,000 in tax revenue.
Expand the base by lowering taxes and giving business an incentive to invest and spend-
Romney- 20% of 10,000,000 = $2,000,000.

Mr President, based on an economic model where the base is expanded you would receive over 4x the revenue with less than half the tax rate. It's called Economic Growth.
Food for thought...

Spam Responses...

I've decided to answer some of this repeating spam mail that I get via my blog...

Dear Cheap Auto Insurance,
Thank you for your concern over the possibility of my over-paying for my auto insurance. Your concern is touching. I know I don't pay the absolute cheapest for my insurance, but I like the service of both my provider and my agent. I think I'm going to stay put. Regards.

Dear Credit Score Time;
I do agree that 550 is a low credit score, and I appreciate your concern that mine might have changed. Rest assured, I do pay attention to my credit score and it hasn't drop below 800 in years. And an FYI, that's a GREAT credit score. Feel free to focus your attentions on someone who needs it.

Dear Amy,
Thank you for sending me a link to your "pics". I think I'd better pass though, for my girlfriend might be upset if I were to peruse them. And for the record, I have no clue who you are or why you would want to degrade yourself by sending your pics to a stranger. Would you like me to send you some links that offer help for people with moral issues and no self esteem? Let me know...

Dear Ms. Carman L. LaPointe,
I am so sorry to hear about your devestating terminal desease. I'm touched that you would trust me with distributing your wealth while allowing me such a generous percentage. However, I'm not sure my banker is quite so trusting and recommends that you just add me to your banking accounts and send me your personal information so that I can access your accounts and distribute your wealth per your desires. I await your personal information...

Dear Blue Sky Auto Loans,
Thanks for the offer of a car loan for less than 3% despite the possibility of me having bad credit. Good news for you- my credit is excellent. Bad news for you- I don't need a car loan from you because my credit is excellent. Perhaps if my credit goes in the toilet I'll give you a shout...

Dear Match.com, Christian Singles, and SpeedDate Singles,
I really appreciate your interest in me as a single guy in my area. Although your interest is very flattering if I were to take you up on your offer it could create a real problem for my relationship with the wonderful woman I am currently seeing. Perhaps if I screw up my life again and lose this one I'll need your services, but for now I have to take a pass...

Dear Bed Bugs,
Thanks for your infestation warning. Here's a suggestion- clean your homes better! Mine is fine.

Dear Natasha,
I'm glad you got your Russian Brides webcam up and going, and are willing to share it with me, but I am not interested in a Russian Bride. Quite honestly, I remember those pictures of Russian women from the 50's Olympics and am frankly scared to death of Russian women. Go 'Roids!

Thanks to all who didn't get a mention, though you continue to fill my spam folder with your ceaseless offers... Perhaps one day I will have a brain fart and actually click on your link, and then, who knows?
Food for thought...

Listen Your Way to a Better Relationship...

I was watching a few minutes of "Two and a Half Men" last night, as I was surfing between ballgames, and noticed that the guest star, a young girl whose name I don't recall, talked incessently. No one could get a word in edgewise when she was talking. This morning, as I recalled that memory, I was again impacted by the thought that people love to be listened to, yet there are so few people who really know how to listen from their heart...

Listening is an art- the giving of one's full attention to another, taking in theire words, their tone, their body language without some part of our mind formulating responses and wanting to interupt, to interject... Listening without judgement is a lost art. But learning to listen from the heart has dual impact- listening and feeling listened to promotes intimacy and closer relationship. And who today doesn't want better relationships? Begin by becoming a better listener...
Food for thought...

The Company We Keep...

I've heard several people lately talk of problems they've encountered mainly from being in the wrong company. If there's one truth I've learned in life is that stupid rubs off. Hang around with stupid people and stupid will rub off on you. Now, perhaps you think you're stronger than that, smarter than to fall prey to stupid. I have a good friend who deals with people, often people in trouble, in his profession and often has commented, "You just can't fix stupid". My friend, if you dip your toe in the pool of stupid you will get wet. You can't help it.

Just like water flowing between two containers seeks to level out so do relationships seek a level ground. Some people find themselves in relationships where they feel energized, or empowered by the other, striving to do better, to become better. On the other side of that relationship that person must "dumb down" to more cohesively bond or communicate with the other. Dumbing down can lead to stupid actions...

Now I'm not saying that we should not be in relationship with others mentally / socially / emotionally less fortunate than ourselves, I'm just saying that all our relationships should not fall into that category. We need to be in relationships that also inspire us, as well as relationships with others who are in a similar place as us, for those can also challenge us. We need to be balanced...
Food for thought...

It's been a while since I blogged, and that's simply because I didn't have anything really relevant to say. "Better to say nothing and be thought a fool than speak up and remove all doubt", as the saying goes, so I remained silent. Today though, I am on my political soapbox.

A couple days ago the June sales reports came out for GM- the last reports before the November elections. Sales were up 16% for the month of June, and the best month since 2008. Why am I citing this? Because, if you'll remember, our government, our president, bailed out GM with our taxpayer dollars. So this is good news, right? Not really. You see, 79% of GM fleet sales in June was to the US government. So we taxpayers  buy 500 million plus shares of GM stock to "save" them from bankruptcy, then we buy almost 80% of theeir fleet sales to inflate the numbers to make Obama look good. So what did wwe actually save?

To get out "investment" out of the shares we bought we need to sell them for about $53/share. The post-bankrupt shares debuted at $33/share, and it is currently selling at just over $20/share. Doing the math, we stand to lose over $15 billion taxpayer dollars. So what did we get for our money? Obama bought all the UAW workers votes, and all those union votes are enormous. He probably bought the state of Ohio with taxpayer money... But it's just one of many shady, seedy dealings he's had since gaining office.

Had GM gone into bankruptcy they would have been forced to restructure, to become financially viable, or to sell. Had we not bailed them out they would have become an asset to our economy instead of the billions of dollars of dead weight they currently are. Obama and unions have forced on us a "status quo" that costs us billions- this from the man who says the status quo isn't working. I guess it works okay for him...

This campaign I've heard repeatedly from Obama that he's "for all Americans". That's the biggest lie and the biggest line of BS yet. Obama has been the most divisive president this country has ever experienced. Listening to his retoric about "we" and "they" when blaming all his failures on Republicans, Congress, George Bush, his "inherited" economy, Wall Street, big business... The list goes on and on...

As an independent, but fiscally conservative voter, I pray that Obama is defeated in November. I aam afraid my small business can't afford another four years of his policies...

Relationally challenged...

I've never been shy about admitting my being relationally challenged, but it's taken some time for me to figure out why there are times I just prefer to be alone than in a relationship. I've been divorced some time now and while single I have participated in several relationships, each in turn running its course. I finally figured out that which I dislike most about relationships: I hate the feeling I get when I disappoint. It doesn't matter if I've not been "wrong", per se, to cause that rotten feeling, it just matters that I failed to perform in such a way that pleased my mate... It's those times, when I felt I tried, but it wasn't good enough, that I found little pleasure in my relationship... It's those times that I felt it better to be alone...

From time to time I've shared my feelings on relationships, on occassion my opinion has been sought out by those dealing with difficulties of one kind or another, but this time, as I seek answers, who will answer me? Why does feeling that I've disappointed make me feel like a failure? Even those times I've tried, but still disappointed, when my best efforts were not enough and met with disappointment, I feel terrible. Why? Shouldn't the effort to please be acknowledged, isn't that attitude of disappointment a selfish reaction from my mate?

Perhaps for some only the end product is all that matters, the destination more important than the journey. Perhaps that is a difference, for I've found that life is in the journey...

Push a rope...

We all want what we want from others, but getting what we want sometimes seems so difficult. Why? Because it's like trying to push a rope. The rope doesn't go anywhere, it constantly veers off course, and ultimately its a mess. You just can't push a rope. Nor will you fare any better trying to push your agenda on other people.

However, if we take time to ask others about themselves, learn from them their interests, their desires, we can "pull" them from great distances to where you want o be. Just as a pulled rope comes to the source of the pull straight and true so will others come with whom we've taken the time to put their interests ahead of our own. The influence one creates through pulling can be vast, and limitless.

It's all about learning to be more selfless in our dealings with others. Putting them first often results in our own desires being met. Just the opposite of what most people think or do... Food for thought.

A good ribbing...

It's been a while since I last blogged, but life's not been stagnant... I went down south for a family get-together a few weeks ago and while playing in the hotel pool with extended family I landed on the edge of the pool and cracked a couple of ribs... What a miserable injury! There's nothing really to be done except wait for them to mend. I can't laay down to sleep so I sleep sitting in a chair. Coughing, sneezing, yawning are all sharply painful, like sticking a knife in my ribs. Just wrap and wait...

Needless to say, my patience has been streched pretty thin these last three weekss, but patience has never been my strong suit. Perhaps I'm going to need patience in my near future, and this is God's way of helping me grow mine... I don't know, but I won't be surprised if it works out that way. Meanwhile, I'm really getting tired of breaking bones... Lord, give me patience!

Life is a River...

I spent this last weekend up in Ontario, Wisconsin, canoeing the Kickapoo River on Saturday. The Kickapoo is a winding, snaking river, full of rocks, deadfalls, and other assorted pitfalls, all with the intent to challenge your skills as you navigate the river... It is a fun river to canoe, whether it's your first experience or fiftieth...

As I was sitting out on the porch of our rented log cabin Saturday night, just reminicing the trip, it occurred to me that life is alot like that river... Despite gravel bars, or deadfalls, or whatever, blocking the river, the river still managed to find its way over, under, or around whatever obstacle it might be. It occurred to me that that's how life is; no matter what obstacles are thrown in our path life continues on. It becomes our task, our job, to overcome the obstacles and continue on in the flow of life.

When we stopped for lunch we put over to the side of the river, tight against a rock face, and I remember how the river continued to flow by, constantly pulling at us to engage "the flow", and it took an effort on our part not to slip back into the current. Life is like that, always engaging us, inviting us to join in. When we decide to remove ourselves life will continue on, it will pass us by, until we re-engage ourselves and enter its flow once more...
Life is a flow, and we can ride with it and experience it in all its glory, or we can remove ourselves and stagnate off to the side, alone. Whatever the obstacle in our path, whatever is hindering you from experiencing the flow, work to overcome it and rejoin us in life... It's worth the effort!
Food for thought...

React or Respond?

I came into work this morning and found a note that an old "friend" called and wanted me to return his call... It was someone I knew for many years through business dealings, but about a year ago he really cheated me in a business transaction. I called many times to see if we could try and rectify the situation, but despite several dozen calls, he would never talk to me. Finally, his bookkeeper told me that he knew I was upset and he wasn't going to talk to me.
So here's this note. My first reaction was that he needs something again so he wants to patch things up. Well, he can call another dozen times if he wants to talk with me. It turns out that that wasn't necessarily my response. Here's the difference: When we react to a person or situation we are allowing external circumstances to control us. When we respond we choose to control our actions and/or feelings. What responding does, in essence, is allow us to live in the solution rather than in the problem. It is an act of emotional maturity, and most always helps the other person to respond in kind. Learn to respond, rather than react, and you will raise the level of the situation.
Now I have a difficult call to make. Food for thought...

My heart...

I ran across this poem, written some four years ago, in my drafts.
While it isn't necessarily relevant today I still thought it was pretty good poetry,
if I do say so myself... So I thought I'd share it...

I believe that love does play with the emotions of my heart
Seldom does it act the way that I believe is smart.
It binds my heart to someone who doesn't really care
Watching while my heart's ripped out, opened and laid bare.

Why does love choose to pierce my heart, why is it my fate
To fall in love again, again with one who won't reciprocate?
Is love so cruel , is life so cold, to enjoy my broken heart?
Is it better to love and lose, or better to never start?

There is no promise of happiness, no guarantee from above
That things will work out wonderfully if I fall in love.
All that promised, all that's sure, is that the chance for pain
Is an overwhelming certainty if I choose to fall in love again.

All I can say to the one I love, "You chose to run away,
I wish you weren't so afraid, and that you chose to stay.
To experience a depth of love that would carry to a new height
To learn how love doesn't have to hurt, how it could be so right".

I've been without my computer for a week or so, after knocking it off the couch and shattering the screen. I was under a full warranty (or so I thought) until calling Dell to get it fixed and learning my "Complete Care Warranty" wasn't such complete care because my "base warranty" had expired a month earlier. What a con job by the Dell technician who sold me that warranty... So Dell refunded the cost of their bogus warranty and offered me a hundred dollar discount to fix my screen (they estimated a total cost of $300-400 depending on shipping). I found an aftermarket screen on line and fixed it myself for less than $100. Thanks Dell. I'm sure gonna be "recommending" you and your services!

Anyway, I realized once again how dependent we become on out "technology", whether it be computer, cell phone, i-pad, or whatever. I think we're losing something very important when we feel we have to be "plugged in" all the time. It is important to disconnect occasionally, to get back in touch with nature, to experience solitude. Saturday I took time to leave all cell phones, computers, kindles behind and just spend several hours out on the lake in my canoe, watching the new-born baby ducklings follow mama, seeing the fish jump, the hawks circle, the geese swim... We all need a reminder occasionally of the beauty of life happening all around us as we fly through our days... Life is what's happening today as we plan and work for tomorrow... Food for thought...

The Marvel of Awe...

I had the opportunity to watch my grandson today for several hours and I found myself marveling once again at the awe and wonder of new discovery... I watched as Jacobi explored, touched, and examined everything from sticks to bark, from seeds to bolts. Everything was exciting, because everything was new.

 

  We miss out on that excitment, that awe, as we grow up and establish our routine. We lose that sense of new, for nothing is, as we settle down... That's too bad too, for we all could use an occasional dose of new, of awe and wonder. I think God loves it when His children get excited at new discovery. I look forward to a renewal of that awe come Eternity...Food for thought...

An Interesting Episode...

We hear a lot lately about the dangers of texting while driving. I tend to agree that it is very dangerous, no matter how fast your fingers are. So here's the deal: I'm driving in to work one morning last week, on a one-way street that's three lanes wide. I'm in the center lane, it's right downtown, and morning rush hour. I stop for a red light at a major cross street and on my left pulls up a police cruiser. On my right a mini van pulls up and I notice  the lady immediately start texting. I wondered if the cop could see her and what his reaction would be so I turned to look, but I guess he couldn't see her. You see, he was too busy texting...

OCD and Other Labels...

I am a classic INFJ personality type and, by definition, I enjoy an orderly and systematic outer world. Yet also by definition I tend to have disorder in some part of my outer life, which is in direct contrast to other Judging types... The reason I share this is because I have been told by others on more than one occasion that I am OCD, because I like things a certain way. Perhaps it is sometimes said in jest, but other times I wonder if it really isn't believed by those who really don't understand what OCD is...

OCD, or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, is a psychiatric anxiety disorder, often disabling, that traps a person in a pattern of repetitive thought and behavior that are usually senseless and distressing. The obsessions are unwanted ideas or impulses that repeatedly attack the mind of the afflicted person. In response to their obsessions they resort to repetitive behavior patterns called compulsions. And that is the disease. So, is a person who lives neater than others or has developed a life system OCD? Of course not.

I use myself as an example because I fear too often we label people, and far more often than not incorrectly, and I certainly don't want to do so to another. It is common to find those afflicted with OCD to also fight depression, eating disorders, substance abuse, attention deficit disorder, or other disorders brought on by the affliction. I spoke with a counselor friend when deciding to blog this and asked him for his diagnosis of me as an OCD. He laughed and said I was "particular"- I liked things in their place, but was far from OCD. I am far from depressed, nor do I suffer from other anxiety disorders often accompanying OCD. So why am I labeled OCD?

What of the person labeled Bi-Polar, or the child labeled ADHD? Do we find it easier to slap a label on someone rather than try to understand them? Is a child ADHD, or has he just been allowed by his parent to appear so because of their lack of understanding of a child's basic psyche? Is it the child or the parent at fault if the child has little or no attention span? It is estimated that 8-10% of all children in the United States fit the criteria for ADHD. Children need fences. They need boundaries for their own personal security. This is a fact when we understand children. So what happens to a child who acts out, who pushes against his perceived boundary, and a parent fails to react appropriately? Their boundary shifts, and they lose some personal security. When it happens often enough a child learns acting out is accepted and episodes get worse. And we slap a label on him like ADHD and medicate him.

But what if, when a boundary is tested, a parent reacts appropriately and punishes the child for inappropriate behavior? The child learns a boundary, and stops the continual push against it once it is established. Further, he has security in the knowledge of what he can and cannot do. As a child establishes his boundaries he becomes more stable, self-assured, and functions at a much higher level in society.

When I speak of a parent punishing a child I am not necessarily advocating corporal punishment. I've raised three children and when  young a swat on the behind might have been appropriate, but I can't honestly remember spanking any of my children past the age of 3 or 4. Rewarding proper behavior was as effective as punishing bad behavior. When trying to obtain a specific behavior it was far more effective to offer the reward up front and allow the child to "earn" it or lose it on their own. An example: when my kids started getting older and wanted an allowance I set up a chart of "jobs" to do around the house. The more they did the more they could earn. My oldest son quickly learned the value of pitching in and helping and often earn five times and more than his siblings. My second son didn't think it was fair that his brother got so much more money, but in time learned that his effort was rewarded and lack of effort was not. One of my boys had a friend diagnosed as ADHD and once he became comfortable in my home never displayed signs of hyperactivity, impulsivity, or inattention that characterize the ADHD child, because he learned what was acceptable and what wasn't at our house. Boundaries. Children crave them. They may not like the results of violating them in the moment, but they love the long-term security they get knowing they're there. What is the most effective treatment for ADHD? Behavioral Therapy, or, in layman's terms, teaching boundaries...

I think we do a great disservice to many people by labeling them too quickly, or without all relevant information. I think sometimes we label others for our own comfort, to cover our own lack of understanding... Food for thought...

I read something very interesting this week, concerning business... It said (and I'll paraphase here) that we don't really sell goods or services, what we really sell is satisfaction. Our product or service might initially get us in the door but it never guarentees success. It doesn't matter how wonderful a product we have, it doesn't matter how grand we think our service is, we fail if we don't satisfy our customers.As we discussed this, my partner commented that it just seemed like common sense to him. But it is so much more.

I think that the key to satisfaction is found in two things- follow-through and follow-up. It is incredibly important to follow through on things we say or promise to do, and it is equally important to follow up with our customers and clients to see if they are happy with what we've provided. Little things, like promptly returning phone calls, answering questions in a timely manner, etc., show our clients that they are important to us and we care about them. These are things that prompt those feelings of satisfaction. Everyone wants to feel they are important, whether they spend a dollar or a dime. It's our job to treat them so. Treat each and every customer like their satisfaction is the key to your success and you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that it is!
Food for thought... (Personal note: The picture of the sign doesn't really have anything to do with the blog- I just loved it!)

In a Nutshell...

I was describing myself today, sort of tongue-in-cheek, to someone, and said, "I'm a simple man, yet complex in my simplicity. I am an enigma, wrapped in a conundrum. That's me, in a nutshell". The response was, "What kind of nutshell?, and after a moment's thought I replied, "Walnut". When pressed why walnut, I explained that walnut shells are somewhat unique in their rough exteriors, but house a pretty good nut inside... They're a little rough, and sometimes tough to crack, but what's inside is usually worth the effort...

That got me thinking about others, and how, in reality, we all wrap ourselves in one sort of shell or another. We all tend to protect our inner selves, to insulate ourselves from the potential hurt of others by hiding in or behind our emotional shells. Some call them walls, and the reality is, to really experience community with others, to meet that emotional void that only community can fill, we need to let others in, we need to allow others to crack our shell and get to the meat of who we really are.

Unfortunately, in all too many cases, who we really are is not someone we ourselves like. And if we cannot like ourselves, much less love ourselves, how can we expect another person to like or love us? Self-worth, self esteem is so important in creating an environment that fosters the trust that another can like, and even love, us for who and what we are. Until we can learn to love ourselves we cannot truly love another, nor can we feel the confidence that they truly love us. Self-acceptance is the first step toward a truly loving relationship with another person. Self-acceptance is the cornerstone for any successful friendship or relationship.

The key to total acceptance, whether for self or others, learning to dispense grace. To accept is to forgive, for we all do wrong, to ourselves, to others. Grace is unmerited forgiveness. God forgives us though we've done nothing to deserve it, and if we can truly accept this fact then we can in turn forgive both our wrongs as well as the wrongs of others. Dispensing grace is as enriching for the dispensor as for the dispensee, for in emulating one of God's attributes we can come to more fully appreciate what He has done for us. Dispensing grace can be a completely humbling act...

Food for thought...

Deep down I think everyone wants to be a better person, but sometimes we find ourselves at a loss as to how to improve. Perhaps the best way to determine our direction comes from feedback from others, but how do we solicit advice rather than criticism from others?

Asking in the appropriate manner is the first step to solicitng advice. Asking, "How can I do better?", or "How can I be a better partner/spouse/colleague?" is the most direct way to illict feedback, or advice. But when we ask our focus needs to be on the future, and not get caught up in negative past actions or words. Criticism stems from the past, advice focuses on the future.

The second, and perhaps most important step we need to do is to follow through. If you ask for advice let the person know you are willing to act on it. It is frustrating to be asked for advice, then feel like your words carried no weight, that your suggestions were just blown off... The result is often resentment, especially in our personal relationships where opening up and sharing often leads to being in a position of vulnerability.

Non-action after asking for advice may lead to a breakdown in future communication... Food for thought...

Island living...

I ran across this draft tonight, unpublished from several years ago, and in reading it I thought I messed up in not publishing it... We all need to own our wrongs, and I'm no exception... So here's a past blog that still has relevence... (And, my hair doesn't have all the grey in it that it now does!)


I messed up this week, and the amazing thing to me is how difficult it was to admit to myself that I'd screwed up. It shouldn't be anything new; I've messed up one way or another my whole life. We all do. Owning it is usually the most difficult part. Usually I don't have a problem admitting I'm wrong. I have very good self-esteem, and I learned long ago that the world doesn't stop or the universe collapse if I just own my wrong. So why was this time so different?

I think this time involved matters of the heart. I felt hurt and responded to my hurt, yet it was my error that contributed to the hurt, for I didn't remember all the circumstances (for those of you who know me know how huge that is- when do I forget anything!?) But forget I did, and then felt my hurt, and in my emotional pain reacted. Even before finding out my error I knew I'd messed up. And the result was I hurt someone I love, and created a situation that I don't think either of us ever wanted. Sure, there may have been issues to discuss, there may have been some hurt feelings anyway, but I mishandled things and magnified the problem...

So what to do? It's so difficult admitting wrong when you feel wronged, even when those feelings are unjustified... I did write a note and ask forgiveness, but it doesn't seem to be enough. It's tough being an idiot, or acting like a fool, and I imagine it's every bit as tough forgiving someone who acts that way toward us...

So much of my life I spent insulating myself from people, from letting people in, for when I have it seems like I've been deeply hurt, and let down. I've had very little faith in another's ability to care for my emotions, so I've been an island much of my life, letting the river of life flow around and by me, but not letting anyone land... Now I've let someone down, I've failed to protect that which was precious; it was my fault. It's a whole different perspective from this side of the apology. I think I feel worse than when I'm wronged...

Maybe I need more time on the island... the only one I can hurt there is myself...

Social Unrest from One of the Silent Majority

I stopped and filled my gas tank this morning. It cost me $53 for just under 13 gallons. As I was driving in to work I mentally did the arithmetic as to what that gas would have cost when I was a child... The result- just over $2.50. Now I'm old, but I'm not that old, that the cost of gasoline should have risen over twenty times its cost in my lifetime. Yesterday an old friend stopped by my store and as we were catching up he told me that he had to shut down his small business this past year, as many have had to do, and was now working a full-time and two part-time jobs to make ends meet. He commented that he'd heard people say there are no jobs out there, but his comment was that there are jobs, just not jobs anyone wants. One of his jobs is armed security, and he shared his experience working at the Federal Building when people came in to get their aid checks, and how angry and irate they got if the checks were late. Angry over

free money... Go figure.

I was encouraged by the recent law Florida enacted, requiring people to pass a drug test before they are eligible for welfare. I think all states should adopt it, for you have to pass a drug test to get a job. Fair is fair. I got to thinking about other ways we could better change our society. Try this:

Anyone who pays taxes gets the right to vote. You don't pay you don't play. Period. Right off the top 51% of our country couldn't vote, because that's the percent of Americans who don't pay any taxes. I'm tired of hearing that the "top 2% of wealthy Americans don't pay enough in taxes- how about the bottom half of the country that pays nothing? And to compound the problem, we give tax refunds to people who pay no taxes! Tell me, if the system isn't screwed up, how can someone who pays nothing get a refund? Do away with earned income credits, with loopholes, with all the crap that rewards people for not paying anything and make a straight tax system that is fair to everyone.

Another benefit of the "no tax-no vote" rule would be the effect on politicians. No longer would it be beneficial to pander to the masses who pay nothing and are a drain on the system  just to earn their vote, for they would not have that right anymore. You would see the politicians begin to pander to those who pay for everything, the way it should have been all along...

I think we have become a very spoiled, very entitlement-driven society, and that is sad. In an effort to try and make things better for our kids each succeeding generation has, in some small part, enabled their children to feel entitled to more, whether or not it's really deserved. Now we've reached a point where we're too good for certain jobs, where we're entitled to money whether or not we earn it, where we demand what is not owed. Perhaps it isn't all bad if a generation or two doesn't fare as well as their parents- a society adjustment, if you will. It works for the stock market... If so, we'll hear that cry, "Thank goodness for Government cheese!"

Food for thought....

Relational Glue...

Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. It doesn't matter what the dynamics of a relationship are (ie. lovers/ spouses/ parent-child/ boss-employee/ friend-friend) when the trust is violated the relationship is in serious jepordy. The reason? Trust takes time to build, but can be destroyed in an instant. Sometimes the relationship can't withstand the stress or trauma of broken trust long enough for that trust to begin to build again. And the relationship dies...

I have someone who recently violated my trust- a friend, and an employee... I don't have definitive proof of his violation, just his past track record- both long past and recent. The sad thing is that I've always been straight and generous to this person, but for whatever reason he has chosen to steal from me... Again, I don't have definitive proof this time, but he's stolen from me in the past and repented, and I recently learned he's stolen from others. Now I have to decide what to do.

I can't allow this person the freedoms within my business that I have in the past, and as my partner so aptly put it- "It's going to be uncomfortable around him. He doesn't make [me] feel good about him anymore." We want to feel good. It is natural to seek out people or situations that make us feel good, just as we prefer to avoid those (whenever possible) that make us uncomfortable. I wish I had an answer to how someone who has lied or stolen could repent without crushing the trust... It would save many relationships. Food for vthought...

Spring has sprung...

Spring has sprung. It isn't even officially the end of winter and we've blown past spring and right into summer. Eighty degree days in March. Who'd a thunk it?
There's something special, something fresh and new every spring, a rebirth after the doldrums and hibernation of winter. I am reminded, with every bloom and every blossum, the inexplicable wonder and simple complexity of creation. I am in total awe of the miracle of spring, and the beauty is I can experience it anew each and every year. One day all is drab and brown; the next a hint of green, and yet the next, an explosion.
While I love summer, and the colors of fall, there's nothing quite like the the miracle of rebirth that comes each spring. Life is ready to live again! Take a moment, enjoy the beauty as it once more unfolds, drink in spring, for it is indeed a heady draft...
Food for thought...

The gift in Giving...

So I find myself much more emotional lately, and I'm not sure what to make of it. I seem to be inexplicably affected by random acts of kindness, whether I'm active in the act or just a casual observer... I've always loved to give, often being criticized for being "too generous", but lately it's different. It's like I've experienced a whole new level of joy, and one I can experience either actively or inactively, although the joy is far more intense when I'm involved...

I've also noticed another interesting phenomena; it seems that when helping someone who truly needs the reaction is far different from someone who merely wants. Those who truly need tend to be far more grateful, but beyond that, they don't want to be thought of as "taking advantage" [of my generousity]... Those with wants tend to be more selfish and far less humble... I'm sure I wasn't always aware of these differences, but I'm glad I now am, for having the discretion to tell the difference allows more freedom to aid those with real needs. And experience that far deeper level of joy...

Truly, it is better to give than to receive, for in giving one receives joy- personally satisfying, deeply humbling joy. I think, perhaps being selfless is not far from being selfish, for that joy that flows deeply from my gut is intoxicating, it's addicting, and I want more... The saying is, "Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime." I think that could be applied to giving. Give a man a hand and help him for a time; teach a man to give and help many people many times...

I'm getting older now, and I feel that those things I felt necessary to keep me in this world have been fulfilled. My children are grown, they're on their own, with mates, and even a couple of kids- grandkids for me- and they don't really need me anymore. I've shared with friends that I feel I've run my race, and am content, and my Father can call me home anytime, for I have no fear of death. But while I remain I will continue to labor as He wills, until that day. Meanwhile, Before I go I wish that somehow I could share the joy I receive from giving with those who've never experienced it. It would rock their world, forever... Food for thought...

God Things...

So I'm down in Florida visiting my folks this week. From the time I got here on Monday afternoon until today I got had no cell phone reception what-so-ever. Which isn't all bad, for I needed the rest and relaxation. But today as I was watching an episode of a show I'd downloaded on my Kindle I sudden felt the need to go for a ride on my Dad's motorscooter. Right in the middle of the show. So I did.

I was riding a minute or two (at most) when suddenly my cell phone rang in my pocket! I pulled over and answered it and lo and behold it was my daughter calling to tell me she had to undergo some medical tests and asked for my prayers. First, she never calls during the day like that, and second, my phone hadn't rang in two days. So how infintesible are the odds that I would just get up and go for a ride right when she needed to talk with me? It was again just another testement to God being in control of my life. It was definitely a "God-thing".

A lot of people don't believe in "God things", or don't want to believe in them, but it is far easier for me to believe that He orchestrated that call today than to believe in the incredibly huge odds that it was just chance. And these kinds of things happen far too often for them to be chance. So to those who choose to deny that God's in charge, to deny the overwhelming evidence that is all around us, I'm sorry for you. I'm just grateful that I'm a treasured child of the Most High God... It's an everlasting comfort. Food for thought...

Sometimes a Beard is More than a Beard...

So, I'm growing a beard... I'm not particularly fond of beards, I find them to be somewhat itchy, and I don't think I look particularly appealing in one. So why grow one? Truth be told the lady I'm seeing likes them, and seems to like mine. So am I so insecure in our relationship that I have to grow a beard just to please her?

No, of course not. Anyone who knows me knows how secure I am in myself and in my relationships. But I do like her, and am willing to do things that please her. Our relationship is strong enough to handle me clean-shaven, and yet, small relational discomforts are common in the best of relationships. Why?

Doing things outside of our comfort zones, or even things we might not ordinarily do or like is nothing more, and nothing less, than putting the wants and desires of our partner first. It is the practice of selflessness, rather than selfishness, and is a cornerstone of any healthy and successful relationship. The satisfaction of bringing joy to our mate is far more rewarding than acts of self-gratification. It's too bad that society seems to preach a "me first" mentality for all too long. Wrong lesson. As one old-timer taught me: "Happy wife, happy life." Food for thought...

Epiphanies...

It's no secret that the economy has been in the dumpster for a long time now (since July of 2008 for my busimess), but somehow we're making ends meet and staying open. We,ve become lean and mean, and with the exception of not laying off our last two full-time employees my partner and I have cut just about everywhere possible. (We decided that it was better to keep on two guys with family obligations and take less pay ourselves than to lay them off and do it all ourselves again). Still, there are times when things get stretched pretty tight. This past week was just such a time...

We have monies in receivables that should be regularly coming in, but for some reason there were no checks in the mail all week- well, truth be told I did get one small check. I told my partner I need about $5000 by Friday to meet our obligations that week or my only option was to borrow against our line of credit. I prayed about it but still, all week, I had less than a thousand dollars come in. I was pretty stressed and decided that if nothing of substance came in Friday's mail (usually a light mail day) I would callt the bank and borrow money. Friday's mail was later than usual and my stress was climbing. But then it arrived, and there was just over $4000 in it. I ran the totals and had several hundred dollars more than I needed.

I also received a reminder of an automatic withdrawal of $134 coming out of my account and the overage in my account covered it... Now the painful confession: The first thing I did was say a prayer of thanks to my God, for supplying our needs. Then I said a prayer of grumbling, asking my Father why he had to wait to the very last second to meet my needs when trickling it in throughout the week would have allieviated my stress considerably...

I didn't give it a lot of thought after that, but this morning, as I was singing in the shower, a thought was strongly impressed upon me- an epiphany, if you will. And an epiphany I believe from God. Suddenly the thought was there that answered my grumbling prayer of why checks didn't trickle in throughout the week. If the checks would have trickled in then it wouldn't have been a "God thing". My stress was my failure to trust, to believe properly. My stress was my fault if I indeed believed and trusted God to meet my needs. Ideally I would have just trusted Him and not worried about it...

Then I started thinking about epiphanies. Personally, I believe they come from God. How else can we rationally explain suddenly knowing what was previously unknown? If not from God then from whence do they come? The case for God is strong: Who better to impart knowledge than the All-Knowing? who better to impart wisdom than He who is all-wise? Certainly the Uncreated can impart His wisdom in any way He desires, but what fun to implant an idea, so suddenly, that His created are amazed and excited by it? I imagine our Heavenly Father gets the same joy and satisfaction out of watching his children "discover" new truths as I did watching my children learn and discover "new" things as they grew up (until they were teenagers- then they knew everything, as the case often is with that age group!) Thanks to my Heavenly  Father, for His patience with me, for allowing me to continue to learn, even so far long in my life... Food for thought...

2012- A New Year... Resolutions?

The worst time of the year for me, it seems, is around the end of the year, especially from the middle of December forward. It seems like some of the really bad, or really painful memories in my life stemmed from past Decembers. I lost a child in December, the beginnig of the end of my marriage- December, and for the last twenty seven years I've had the busiest time of my business year the last week or two of the year. Stir in all the holiday hoopla from Thanksgiving through the New Year and it's a really hectic time of life for me. And one thing I've learned- the busier the times the less likely you'll find anyone who cares if you're hurting. Not that they're not caring, rather they're not as sensitive when busy. People tend to get wrapped up in their lives, their hassles, and seldom remember past hurts of others... Not a condemnation on people, but merely an observation. I probably am more guilty of this than any other...

I'm not big on resolutions, for seldom do they seem to stick, at least for me. But this year I think I will try to be more cognizant, more aware of a couple of thoughts. First, I want to try to avoid bringing up past mistakes in relationships, especially with those who are closest to me. Siblings, kids, parents, significant others, these all know us well, and we them, and I can't help but think it will be happier to forgive and move on, or it could negatively impact my present happiness. In other words, make peace with the past so it won't spoil the present.

Second, I want to remember that it is not my job that will take care of me when sick, or down, or lonely. It is not my job who will be there for me in my times of need- but family and friends can and will, so I resolve to try harder to stay in touch, to make myself more available to them, to try and be a helpmate in their times of need too. Life isn't a destination; life is all in the journey. I want to daily remember that, for to keep my eyes glued to the goal blinds me to life that's happening all around me.

I just want to be a better person- that's my resolution... Food for thought...