Questions???

Sometimes, especially late at night when I have trouble sleeping, I find myself questioning- my faith, existence, the whys of life... Is this all there is? Why do bad things happen, especially to me? Haven't I been through enough? What am I supposed to learn from [this]? Sometimes I find myself feeling guilty for my questions. After much thought I've come to the conclusion that questioning doesn't really flow from a lack of faith, although that's what my heart tells me, rather it is an exercise that allows me to strengthen my faith...

I think that questioning isn't bad, for if I question things but still do what is right then my faith is stronger for it, for if my belief is that God is in control and will ultimately reveal His plan for me through my circumstances and I continue to follow Him even through periods of doubt it is my faith that grows, that strengthens... I think that lack of questions, or blind faith, indicates a fear to grow spiritually, a fear to push the boundries of what we believe, a desire to remain within the comfort zone of the known...

Questions open up our intellectual and spiritual horizons and allow us to grow far beyond the known, and although scary, and sometimes conflicting, they stretch us in new directions. To grow is to live, to remain (intellectually and spiritually) stagnant is to exist, and ultimately to merely exist is intellectual and spiritual suicide. I think God is pleased when we question, when we face doubts and fears and don't allow them to paralyze us into inaction, either physically, intellectually or spiritually. I believe He is pleased when we exercise our choice in the face of doubts and fears to continue to follow His tenants, for the greatest gift we can give God is the gift of our free will to believe in Him, to exercise our faith, and to choose to grow closer to Him...

One of God's greatest gift to us was our free will to be able to choose to follow Him. Although he created us out of His desire for community, out of His desire to fellowship with us He wanted us to freely to desire to live in community with Him. When Adam and Eve did the whole disobedience thing and sinned Adam chose to intentionally turn from that fellowship, that community and one of our greatest gifts became our greatest curse. And yet, it is that curse that allows us to turn back to God, to choose daily to live in community with Him, even though we cannot physically be in His prescence as Adam was able to be... Faith is believing in the unseen, and questions help clarify and strengthen what we believe. what we know but cannot see.

I think I'll continue to question...

Infinitism...

I read today that there really isn't any conflict between faith and science because in reality they ask different questions. I'm assuming that the writer was giving the old apples to oranges comparison, and concluding that we aren't comparing same things. I have a little problem with that. I think that science, in the long term, actually validates faith. Faith is the belief in things unseen, the act of believing whether or not proof is readily available. Science looks for proof, and as there is only one ultimate Truth, which is God, if science does it's homework correctly it will ultimately lead right to Him.

Our problem with science is, we think we know more than we do. We postulate, and correlate, and extrapolate, and even sometimes hesitate, as we seek for Truth. The problem is, when we don't know, we forget about all the knowledge that is in the universe that we have not yet tapped into, the vast galaxies of information waiting to be discovered, and we don't allow ourselves the luxury of saying, "It is possible; it just hasn't been discovered yet."

I had a friend some years back, who was a self-professed agnostic, who tried to trip me up with one of those dichotomy questions, you know, where the answer contridicts itself... He asked, "If God can do anything then can He make a rock so heavy he can't lift it?" I promptly answered, "Yes." "
"So", he argued, "if He can make the rock then He can't lift it. If He can't lift it He can't do anything. If He can lift it then He can't make the rock."

"No", I said, "You're wrong. You see, the premise is that God can do anything. Therefore He can make the rock and He can lift it. Your problem is you have a finite mind trying to understand an infinite God, to whom all things are possible, and you can't wrap your mind around the concept that he can do anything. ANYTHING. So while I don't profess to know how, I do know it's within His realm of possibilty, because it is within His infinite ability."

While my friend was unconvinced he was also at a loss for argument... So I asked him to close his eyes and try to picture nothingness, the way it was before creation. Don't picture empty space, for space is something- picture nothingness. He couldn't, because nothingness is an infinite quality and we cannot grasp it with our finite minds. Just like trying to grasp the capabilities of an infinite God with our finite minds is utterly futile. And yet God revealls Himself to us, daily, in nature, in science, in everyday life,because He wants us to get to know Him, personally, intimately, as He knows us. Why does He care so much about us, a broken and sinful people? Now there's a mystery...

Food for thought...

It's the darndest thing...

I've mentioned how much I enjoy working on my geneology in past posts, but today I got quite a little surprise. In my reasearch of one of my earliest ancestors, Cerdic of Wessex, said to be the very first King of England, and the founder of the Brittish Royal lineage, I found that I'm linked through three of my ancestors to current Queen Elizabeth II of England. Both our lineages run through the Empress of Germany Matilda Maud, her mother Princess Matilda of Scotland, and her grandmother Matilda De Flanders, Queen of England and wife of William I, King of England. The Queen Matilda is my twenty-six times great-grandmother (29 generations ago). So I must be a cousin to Queen Elizabeth, about a zillion times removed, but related none the less.

So to my cuz I make this offer; Liz, I know you have alot on your plate, being the head of 16 Soveriegn States under the Brittish crown, so if you want help it's here. I'd be glad to run any of the following: Austrailia, New Zealand, the Bahamas, Jamaica, St Lucia, Greneda, or St Vincent, or any combination thereof. I know that asking for help is difficult, especially for proud people like your side of the family, so that's why I'm offering. I hope you're not to proud to take me up on my offer!

The Value of Disappointment

I met my folks for lunch today and, through the course of the meal conversation, a thought struck me. I realized that disappointment is really unrealized expectations. My initial conclusion to my thoughts was that no expectations equals no disappointment. No expectations, no disappointment. But developing my thought train more fully I realized that that would be a terrible way to live. We need expectations if we ever expect to fulfill any goals we might set in life. And so, we also need disapointment, for it is the emotional guage that notifies us when we fall short, when we need to readjust, re-evaluate, or revamp our drive or our goals... Imagine living a life without goals- just drifting day to day, merely exisiting, with no drive or desire for betterment, for that in itself is a goal... Just putting in our time... I don't think I could ever live that way, for I need things, or goals, to drive me, to motivate me, to give each day purpose... I guess I've condemned myself to a life of potential disappointment...


Relationally, however, I think perhaps I will adapt this idea somewhat- I think I have had expectations in my relationships in the past and definitely had disappointments. Perhaps from a realtional standpoint I will expect nothing, at least initially, and perhaps I won't be disappointed so readily... Food for thought...


(This a a picture of my new Grill- I have to learn how to use it because so far things taste crappy)...

A Tribute to Autumn...

From flaming reds and yellows
to curled and dried up browns
All of Summer's glory
Chose my yard to find the ground.

Blowing, raking, piling high
Though daunting, I finally win.
Yet somehow, when the darkness falls
Leaves cover my yard again.

People who wait to rake until the end
'Till their trees bear leaves no more
Find all their leaves have blown, I think
To pile up outside my door...

Another week of work is done,
I could use relaxation time a lot
But looking at my yard again
I realize another weekend's shot...

Titles...

I've been recovering these past several months, first from a sprained knee- I sprained my ACL and had several micro-tears in my quad muscle, then several weeks after the sprain I fractured my fibula. Needless to say, I had time to kill as I sat around with my leg propped up healing (I don't heal quite as fast as when I was a youngster)... I tried to make good use of my time by working on the history of my family tree. I've been interested for some time now in my geneology and I was able to focus myself on some in-depth research.

I've never been big on titles, preferring to be judged on my work, or actions- the what that I am rather than the who... Still, it was rather exhilerating to find that I have been spawned from quite the "Titlted" lineage. I traced my direct anscestory back to King John of England (that "bad" younger brother of Richard the Lionhearted during the "Robinhood" stories), through the Plantegenets, the first English born kings of England. I found I was directly related to Kings from Denmark, Sweden, France, Italy, Jerusalem, and the crown jewel- Charlemange, or Charles I, the king of the Franks and first crowned Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, by the Pope, in 800 AD. I am a direct descendant of Rolf Ragnvaldsson, the first Duke of Normandy. I found Dukes, and Dutchesses, Earls and Lords, Counts, Princes and princesses scattered throughout my lineage. Wow, but they really don't do anything for me today. They tell me from which I come, the "who" that I am, but only I can define the "what" that I am.

Yet, after my disclaimer that I don't seek titles, that I prefer to be judged on my actions, even still, today I was given a new title, and it is one I covet. Of all titles I could desire "father" is the one I am most proud of. Today's is second, for today Jacoby Ryan was born, 7lbs 13oz, and 21 inches long, and today I became "Grandpa"...

A Tribute...

Back in 1986 I was a brash, confident, 20-something young man, two years employed at the business I now own. The previous owner hired an old friend of his- a 55 year old semi-retired guy who'd sold his business and was looking for something to fill his days. Our early days were somewhat confrontational, for he was under the impression he was brought in to "run the place" and that was a direct affront to my authority, for I felt I ran the place. Though early indications pointed to little likelihood that we could co-exist we somehow defied the odds and actually developed a strong friendship.

My friend, Don, taught me much about people and life, and I owe him an awful lot for my later successes in life, and particularly in dealing with people. Though I learned much the greatest lesson I believe I learned from Don was that everyone comes with their own unique baggage. No one is perfect and before I trash a relationship I should weigh all the good of a person against the bad, If the good outweighs the bad then perhaps the relationship (or employee) is worth salvaging, for trashing one person for another was just trading one set of baggage for another. That taught me tolerance for the faults of others, and gave me an awareness of my own shortcomings...

My relationship with Don lasted twenty-four years, almost a quarter of a century, through many good times and a few bad ones. Tonight I offically ended that relationship, telling my old friend goodbye after all these years of working together, for my friend passed away this past weekend, and tonight was his visitation. I can't imagine my company without him, or life without arguing politics or religion with him. Tonight I say goodbye My Friend, for you are loved, and will be missed, for you are irreplaceable in my heart. Though we had differences in beliefs and philosophies I hope to one day see you again on the other side. Vaya con Dios, Don, go with God.

"Tells"

Any good poker player will study his opponent for "tells". A tell is an unconscious tic, or gesture, or habit that gives away the fact that your opponent is bluffing, or, in essence, lying. Tonight I discovered a tell, not of myself, but of our president.

Let me first say that I respect the office of the Presidency, and believe that whoever holds that office deserves our support until that time that they disgrace the office, until they prove themselves unworthy. I believe that the antics of the President this past November election have shown him to be unworthy and a total disgrace to his office and his Country- my Country. Tonight, watching an interview he gave on CBS' 60 Minutes, I discovered Obama's "tell". When he's bluffing, or lying, his lips move. That's his tell.

Tonight he told America how he has tried to reach out to the Republican Party leaders during his first two years. I ask you Mr President, were you reaching out when you told them, just after winning office in 2008, that you won and they'd have to do things your way? Or was it when they refused to back your irresponsible spending, and you accused them of standing on the sidelines sipping a slurpy while YOUR party tried to get the car out of the ditch? Was it when you told them they'd have to "ride in the back"? Or perhaps when you called Republicans "the Enemy"? Mr Obama, Rosa Parks refused to ride in the back and as a result we had a civil right revolution in this country. No one has to "ride in the back" any more. I would think, when you make such incindiary comments, that you could appreciate how far we've come as a country, and we won't tolerate your reverse discrimination- not now, not ever. As for "reaching out", you have been the most polarizing, most divisive, most intolerant president ever.

Perhaps if you weren't so narcisisstic, so arrogant and full of yourself, you might actually pay attention to what the country screamed at you this past mid-term election. But like all narcissists you are so sure of yourself, of your agenda, that what others think really doesn't matter. But you have shown your true colors- not a President of "change", but a politician that will say anything and everything to sway a vote, without regard to the consequences when you fail to follow through... You were going to be transparent, remember? But you rammed through your health care bill, despite the objections of the majority of the country, and when you didn't have the votes you used back door politics, underhanded politics to force it through. Your first two years are marked with legislation loaded with earmarks and stink of cronyism. You have been no better than the "Good Ole Boy Politicians" you belittled and ran against in your campaign, and indeed you've shown yourself to be worse than many.

I wonder if the country knew of your involvement in the whole story behind Sherrie Sherrod, how she got you, as a Junior Senator from Illinois to reopen a settlement of a case she instigated on behalf of black farmers (in 1997) so that additional farmers could apply for compensation, I wonder how the people of this country would react to you... What was the original settlement (in 1999) Mr President? Wasn't it up to $50,000 per farmer, and capped at 1600 farmers? The original case was a class action suit filed on behalf of 400 black farmers, and the settlement allowed for 4x the number of farmers to apply- post settlement. Since she convinced you to reopen it how many claims have been file MR President? I believe over 85,000 claims filed, right Sir? Which is interesting, since there are only (roughly) 39,000 black farmers in America. And who has claimed the most from this action? Isn't it the Sherrod family, at over 13 million dollars? Mr President, is this why you wanted her to resign when she hit the national spotlight? Where is she today? Shouldn't you hold some responsibility for the BILLIONS of dollars out of which our government has been defrauded?

I think it's time for Americans to stand up for what is right, and just, and your actions are neither. America has been the land of a "Silient Majority" for too long. Now we're starting to wake up. Now Washington is going to have to be accountable. My granddaady used to say it isn't wise to poke a sleeping bear- well we've been poked, prodded, and are ready to fight back. This is my space, and these are my opinions, and I have the right to express them, Mr President, without riding in the back, or being an "Enemy". I'm not standing on the sidelines anymore, sipping my slurpy. You poke the bear you live with the consequences. Food for thought...

Ignorance is bliss...

I received an e-mail from a friend today, asking what I have learned as I've aged. Interesting question, because I do think I keep learning as I age, and yet there is one overwhelming thing I've learned and continue to realize as I get older- the more I learn the more aware I am of the depth of my ignorance.

To continue to learn, to address the depths of our (my) ignorance is a sign of maturity. The old sying that "Ignorance is bliss" is all too true, for when we live unaware of all we don't know there is a sense of well-being, that as long as each day passes all is well. As parents we see it in our kids as they grow out of those prepubesent years and into their teens. They know everything, they have all the answers, and we don't know anything anymore. I remember my dad was the dumbest guy on the face of the earth when I was in school, then one day I came home and he was the smartest man I knew. I asked him when he got so smart, and he said when I grew up.

Some people never grow up, they just grow old. They live in a blissful world where they know everything, where their intellect is never challenged, where ignorance is the unrealized king. So what have I learned as I've aged? I've learned to appreciate God's willingness to continually show me, to remind me the of the incredible depth of my ignorance, the continued revelation of how little I really know...