A dream...

I had a dream...



I was cast away, on a sea of lonliness, darkness lay heavy all around. I sensed the prescence of others, but the inky black of midnight left them as lost as I. My heart longed for respite, for direction, but I remained adrift...

After what seemed an eternity I felt a summons; not so much audible, but a call to my heart. Suddenly I felt direction, purpose to my drifting, and frantic at the thought of losing it I paddled through the night, until my eyes beheld a light breaking on the horizon.

As the dawn broke I could see a rough shore ahead, the surf pounding mercilessly on the rocks, and though the way seemed difficult, perhaps too difficult, I determined that if fate had set this course for me so I must continue on, to pursue the pull on my heart...

After much dilegence I managed a landfall, a lonely, savage shore, yet beautiful in its aloofness. I wondered what land this was, so lonely, yet so beautiful. There was a suggestion of a path, where some person or persons might have gone on before, and so I set off to see where it might lead. I soon found the trail steepened, became more difficult to ascend, and the rocks I climbed sliced razor-sharp through my palms, my knees, as I sought to scramble over one barrier after another. Still something inside drove me on, something inside gave me pause to realize that I was not the first to walk this path of pain. With all my strength, my dilegence, my desire I continued on- until...

Suddenly, coming over the rocks the path descended into a narrow gorge, a mere slit in the face of the rock, barely wide enough for me to squeeze through. I half slid, half fell to the bottom where to my surprise the way was blocked by a massive oaken door. It was magnificent in it's day, set directly into the rock, no hinges, no handle allowed me access. I saw I was not the first to reach this point, for the door bore the marks of those before me. Some had tried to hack their way through, leaving gashes and scars on the beautiful wood, orthers had tried to set fire to it, to burn their way through, for the charred marks marred the beauty of what once was. My heart hurt that such beauty could be so damaged, that some were so cruel to try to destroy something so beautiful, so I set out to repair what damage I could.

From the side of the trail I scooped sand and began to gently caress and rub the char and brands of the fire away. I found a stone, flat and smooth, and gently massaged the slashes and cuts out, to restore the beauty that once was. My labors were long, but I could see the beauty being restored, and, to my surprise, the door responded to my loving touch, and swung inward...



And I walked into your heart...

I Get No Respect...

Today was my day of annual self-reflection. It's the one day a year I've come to set aside specifically to be with myself- I figure if I can stand myself for a whole day then there's hope that others can stand me in smaller doses. My daughter however, doesn't honor my desire to be alone, to wallow in self-pity over my lot in life, and has insisted on injecting herself in my day. Is it asking too much to want one day a year to just be alone!? This year, despite my best efforts to sequester myself away, to seclude myself and tell all I was feeling ill, still my daughter came over to "share" in my day. And my brother dropped by. And this evening both my parents came over and insisted on visiting. Do I get no respect? And to top things off, my phone rang all day. I heard from people that rarely ever call. Why can't I have one day to call my own!? After all , everyone who called said to "enjoy my day". My parents, brother, and daughter, all called it 'my day". Yet I couldn't have it without sharing it with everyone else. So what's the big deal?

Today I turned 51... I guess a birthday isn't the best day to choose to be alone...



Just a PS here... I wrote this tongue-in-cheek. I am not really upset that I had company on my birthday- indeed, I am honored that people chose to remember me on this day. So a heartfelt "thank-you" to all who made my day special...

'Til Death does it's part...

As I grow older and begin to see and hear that friends and aquaintances are dying, passing away with increasing frequency I am left facing that ultimate reality- one day my time will come to discover I'm a very, very old man with no friends left... Seriously, one day we all must face that thought of death. All too often we find people at death's door, wanting to right wrongs, seek forgiveness, mend relationships... One truth that seems evident- most don't want to leave this life with unfinished business, but it seems all too frequently we find we're using our last breaths trying to make amends...
What if, instead of waiting until the very last minute, we choose to live our lives as if each day was our last? What if treated each person we came in contact with as if it were the last time we would ever see them? Would it change our behavior? Would we treat people with more kindness, love, and respect? How would we be treated in return? Would that love, and kindness. and respect be reciprocated? I think, living each day as if were our last, would increase the quality of our lives... Live like Jesus; Love like Jesus... Food for thought...

Our Most Priceless Commodity...

Our most priceless commodity, of all that we can attain or are given, costs us exactly nothing. Our most priceless commodity cannot be bought, but when we have it we all spend it. It would be nice to think we spend it wisely, but at some point we are all guilty of wasting it. And we can never get it back, but God, if He is gracious, gives each of us more, each day... That gift is time. Time. We all have the same amount each day, to use as wisely or as foolishly as we please. For some of us, this day, or the morrow, or one day soon, we might run out of our time. But there is one truth we can rely on; one day we all run out of time. It is that time, just before those sands of time finish trickling through the hourglass of our lives that we tend to reflect, most often on how we've spent our time. Why do we wait until the end of our time to reflect on how it was spent? Is it that we finally realize that is the most precious thing we have and soon it will all be gone?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could learn to live aware, to live in the moment, to appreciate each minute, each second of time that we have? Wouldn't it so greatly expand our experiences if we appreciated them while we were actually living them? To enjoy the journey as much as the destination? To not just see roses, but to inhale their aromatic essence, to feel the silkiness of their petals, the harsh sharpness of their thorns? To experience a rose... But we move too fast through our lives to actually slow down and live them. Gotta work to make money to pay bills, and buy things, that cost money to run, or fix, or replace. We have doctor appointments, and soccer practice, piano lessons, grocery shopping, meals to fix, homework to do, TV to watch, games to play, friends to see, places to go... It never ends, and we let it carry us faster and faster through life until each thing on our list is a destination, and the journey to get there blurs into all the others... What if the journey were more enjoyable than the destination? What if that time was well spent? Perhaps our world would begin to slow down, perhaps we would learn that there is beauty and life going on all around us that we never even realized existed... Perhaps our lives would take on a slower pace, but one with flavor, with more substance, with the essence of life, not just existing... Food for thought...

PS. If you tend to disagree with this post all I can say is, by reading this there's several minutes you'll never get back!!

He Is Risen!

This is the the most important celebration of my year, for today is the anniversary of the followers of Christ arrivivng to find the empty tomb, for Christ had risen, defeated death, and gave hope to a fallen world. He is my hope, and this day I celebrate his tremendous sacrifice for us, for me. Not everyone stops to appreciate the meaning of Easter; indeed to some it's all about candy, and colored eggs, but that's not Easter. Easter is the culmination of a gracious and loving God's plan, a plan to re-establish community that man had broken, through the sacrifice of His Son as the price for our sin. In this act of sacrifice God's perfect love satisfied his perfect justice for the sin of this world. We can see and embrace a love like no other, and a grace that is almost incomprehensible to our human nature...

Today is the very crux of Christianity. Many call themselves "Christian" today, because it has become politically acceptable and advantageous, but only the acceptance of His gift, the embracing of Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, only through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, the risen Lord, is one truly a Christian, or Christ follower... And today we celebrate!

Born too late...

I think I was born in the wrong era... In my lifetime I have seen our world shrink so dramatically, become a global community, where our entire world is now our neighborhood... There's something inside me that cries out to lose myself in nature, to walk or ride where no man has gone before- but I am several centuries too late for that...

I think I was born too late in another respect- I am just not geared for this "instant" society we live in... I have learned that there is great joy in taking things slow, enjoying the trip rather than total focus on the destination. We are in such a hurry to aquire "things" that we miss out on the truly valuable things in life... There is anticipation in having to wait, that only heightens our appreciation when finally we are able to partake... Baking from scratch always tastes better than "box" baking- they can't box the care and love you put in to your own creation...

I'm finding I'm in the wrong era in the dating world now too... Everyone is in a hurry to meet someone, to get in a relationship that they don't take the time to find out if they really like the other person, or if they are indeed liked in return! How can one be a lover if not first a friend? It's a mystery to me, but not something on which I am willing to compromise myself... Must be true to myself, no? I think we lose so much when we forfeit time in building our relationships... I see so many women literally begging for romance in their relationships, but failing to understand that romance is a product of time and desire on the part of a male... We don't just "get romantic"- it is a natural oveflow of the heart when we seek out and pursue the one who catches our fancy. Romance is part of the mating ritual- the act of seducing the will, the winning of the heart of the one we cherish and desire. Yet it takes time to develop, and in this "instant gratification" society time is the first casualty, and following right behind, romance...

As long as I'm rambling, what is it that draws women to the "bad boys"? Is it that they think they're wild, and the woman entertains some hope of taming them? Is it that they think they are more exciting, because they could "get" any woman, but they've chosen you? Here's a newsflash- bad boys are bad. They are selfish and self-serving.They've learned how to manipulate and use women and they are smart enough to get out before they are "tamed"... And in the end you get hurt, because you cared and they didn't... Take it from a former bad boy... In my younger days I dated many women, broke many hearts, and today it is not something I'm proud of. Today I'm proud that I've learned that behavior was destructive, and hurt people. Today I'm proud that I've learned the importance of being vulnerable, of being sensitive to my partner's needs, and wants, and desires. I've learned that it is more important to treasure each night with one woman, than a different woman every night... I guess I've become boring...