I read something very interesting this week, concerning business... It said (and I'll paraphase here) that we don't really sell goods or services, what we really sell is satisfaction. Our product or service might initially get us in the door but it never guarentees success. It doesn't matter how wonderful a product we have, it doesn't matter how grand we think our service is, we fail if we don't satisfy our customers.As we discussed this, my partner commented that it just seemed like common sense to him. But it is so much more.

I think that the key to satisfaction is found in two things- follow-through and follow-up. It is incredibly important to follow through on things we say or promise to do, and it is equally important to follow up with our customers and clients to see if they are happy with what we've provided. Little things, like promptly returning phone calls, answering questions in a timely manner, etc., show our clients that they are important to us and we care about them. These are things that prompt those feelings of satisfaction. Everyone wants to feel they are important, whether they spend a dollar or a dime. It's our job to treat them so. Treat each and every customer like their satisfaction is the key to your success and you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that it is!
Food for thought... (Personal note: The picture of the sign doesn't really have anything to do with the blog- I just loved it!)

In a Nutshell...

I was describing myself today, sort of tongue-in-cheek, to someone, and said, "I'm a simple man, yet complex in my simplicity. I am an enigma, wrapped in a conundrum. That's me, in a nutshell". The response was, "What kind of nutshell?, and after a moment's thought I replied, "Walnut". When pressed why walnut, I explained that walnut shells are somewhat unique in their rough exteriors, but house a pretty good nut inside... They're a little rough, and sometimes tough to crack, but what's inside is usually worth the effort...

That got me thinking about others, and how, in reality, we all wrap ourselves in one sort of shell or another. We all tend to protect our inner selves, to insulate ourselves from the potential hurt of others by hiding in or behind our emotional shells. Some call them walls, and the reality is, to really experience community with others, to meet that emotional void that only community can fill, we need to let others in, we need to allow others to crack our shell and get to the meat of who we really are.

Unfortunately, in all too many cases, who we really are is not someone we ourselves like. And if we cannot like ourselves, much less love ourselves, how can we expect another person to like or love us? Self-worth, self esteem is so important in creating an environment that fosters the trust that another can like, and even love, us for who and what we are. Until we can learn to love ourselves we cannot truly love another, nor can we feel the confidence that they truly love us. Self-acceptance is the first step toward a truly loving relationship with another person. Self-acceptance is the cornerstone for any successful friendship or relationship.

The key to total acceptance, whether for self or others, learning to dispense grace. To accept is to forgive, for we all do wrong, to ourselves, to others. Grace is unmerited forgiveness. God forgives us though we've done nothing to deserve it, and if we can truly accept this fact then we can in turn forgive both our wrongs as well as the wrongs of others. Dispensing grace is as enriching for the dispensor as for the dispensee, for in emulating one of God's attributes we can come to more fully appreciate what He has done for us. Dispensing grace can be a completely humbling act...

Food for thought...

Deep down I think everyone wants to be a better person, but sometimes we find ourselves at a loss as to how to improve. Perhaps the best way to determine our direction comes from feedback from others, but how do we solicit advice rather than criticism from others?

Asking in the appropriate manner is the first step to solicitng advice. Asking, "How can I do better?", or "How can I be a better partner/spouse/colleague?" is the most direct way to illict feedback, or advice. But when we ask our focus needs to be on the future, and not get caught up in negative past actions or words. Criticism stems from the past, advice focuses on the future.

The second, and perhaps most important step we need to do is to follow through. If you ask for advice let the person know you are willing to act on it. It is frustrating to be asked for advice, then feel like your words carried no weight, that your suggestions were just blown off... The result is often resentment, especially in our personal relationships where opening up and sharing often leads to being in a position of vulnerability.

Non-action after asking for advice may lead to a breakdown in future communication... Food for thought...

Island living...

I ran across this draft tonight, unpublished from several years ago, and in reading it I thought I messed up in not publishing it... We all need to own our wrongs, and I'm no exception... So here's a past blog that still has relevence... (And, my hair doesn't have all the grey in it that it now does!)


I messed up this week, and the amazing thing to me is how difficult it was to admit to myself that I'd screwed up. It shouldn't be anything new; I've messed up one way or another my whole life. We all do. Owning it is usually the most difficult part. Usually I don't have a problem admitting I'm wrong. I have very good self-esteem, and I learned long ago that the world doesn't stop or the universe collapse if I just own my wrong. So why was this time so different?

I think this time involved matters of the heart. I felt hurt and responded to my hurt, yet it was my error that contributed to the hurt, for I didn't remember all the circumstances (for those of you who know me know how huge that is- when do I forget anything!?) But forget I did, and then felt my hurt, and in my emotional pain reacted. Even before finding out my error I knew I'd messed up. And the result was I hurt someone I love, and created a situation that I don't think either of us ever wanted. Sure, there may have been issues to discuss, there may have been some hurt feelings anyway, but I mishandled things and magnified the problem...

So what to do? It's so difficult admitting wrong when you feel wronged, even when those feelings are unjustified... I did write a note and ask forgiveness, but it doesn't seem to be enough. It's tough being an idiot, or acting like a fool, and I imagine it's every bit as tough forgiving someone who acts that way toward us...

So much of my life I spent insulating myself from people, from letting people in, for when I have it seems like I've been deeply hurt, and let down. I've had very little faith in another's ability to care for my emotions, so I've been an island much of my life, letting the river of life flow around and by me, but not letting anyone land... Now I've let someone down, I've failed to protect that which was precious; it was my fault. It's a whole different perspective from this side of the apology. I think I feel worse than when I'm wronged...

Maybe I need more time on the island... the only one I can hurt there is myself...

Social Unrest from One of the Silent Majority

I stopped and filled my gas tank this morning. It cost me $53 for just under 13 gallons. As I was driving in to work I mentally did the arithmetic as to what that gas would have cost when I was a child... The result- just over $2.50. Now I'm old, but I'm not that old, that the cost of gasoline should have risen over twenty times its cost in my lifetime. Yesterday an old friend stopped by my store and as we were catching up he told me that he had to shut down his small business this past year, as many have had to do, and was now working a full-time and two part-time jobs to make ends meet. He commented that he'd heard people say there are no jobs out there, but his comment was that there are jobs, just not jobs anyone wants. One of his jobs is armed security, and he shared his experience working at the Federal Building when people came in to get their aid checks, and how angry and irate they got if the checks were late. Angry over

free money... Go figure.

I was encouraged by the recent law Florida enacted, requiring people to pass a drug test before they are eligible for welfare. I think all states should adopt it, for you have to pass a drug test to get a job. Fair is fair. I got to thinking about other ways we could better change our society. Try this:

Anyone who pays taxes gets the right to vote. You don't pay you don't play. Period. Right off the top 51% of our country couldn't vote, because that's the percent of Americans who don't pay any taxes. I'm tired of hearing that the "top 2% of wealthy Americans don't pay enough in taxes- how about the bottom half of the country that pays nothing? And to compound the problem, we give tax refunds to people who pay no taxes! Tell me, if the system isn't screwed up, how can someone who pays nothing get a refund? Do away with earned income credits, with loopholes, with all the crap that rewards people for not paying anything and make a straight tax system that is fair to everyone.

Another benefit of the "no tax-no vote" rule would be the effect on politicians. No longer would it be beneficial to pander to the masses who pay nothing and are a drain on the system  just to earn their vote, for they would not have that right anymore. You would see the politicians begin to pander to those who pay for everything, the way it should have been all along...

I think we have become a very spoiled, very entitlement-driven society, and that is sad. In an effort to try and make things better for our kids each succeeding generation has, in some small part, enabled their children to feel entitled to more, whether or not it's really deserved. Now we've reached a point where we're too good for certain jobs, where we're entitled to money whether or not we earn it, where we demand what is not owed. Perhaps it isn't all bad if a generation or two doesn't fare as well as their parents- a society adjustment, if you will. It works for the stock market... If so, we'll hear that cry, "Thank goodness for Government cheese!"

Food for thought....

Relational Glue...

Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. It doesn't matter what the dynamics of a relationship are (ie. lovers/ spouses/ parent-child/ boss-employee/ friend-friend) when the trust is violated the relationship is in serious jepordy. The reason? Trust takes time to build, but can be destroyed in an instant. Sometimes the relationship can't withstand the stress or trauma of broken trust long enough for that trust to begin to build again. And the relationship dies...

I have someone who recently violated my trust- a friend, and an employee... I don't have definitive proof of his violation, just his past track record- both long past and recent. The sad thing is that I've always been straight and generous to this person, but for whatever reason he has chosen to steal from me... Again, I don't have definitive proof this time, but he's stolen from me in the past and repented, and I recently learned he's stolen from others. Now I have to decide what to do.

I can't allow this person the freedoms within my business that I have in the past, and as my partner so aptly put it- "It's going to be uncomfortable around him. He doesn't make [me] feel good about him anymore." We want to feel good. It is natural to seek out people or situations that make us feel good, just as we prefer to avoid those (whenever possible) that make us uncomfortable. I wish I had an answer to how someone who has lied or stolen could repent without crushing the trust... It would save many relationships. Food for vthought...