Trust...

Most would agree that one of the fundemental building blocks in any relationship is trust, but in reality, what is trust? Why is it so fragile, so easily broken, even shattered? Trust is vulnerability, it's counting on another to hold our best interests above their own, to act in a consistently perfect manner toward our vulnerability, and when they don't it is damamged, not just in this relationship, but often in future relationships as well. We have a tendency to hold onto our vulnerabilities, to wall them up, and protect ourselves against future hurt.
In a trusting relationship we expect another to act, in reality, as God acts; holding our vulnerabilities perfectly, without fear of failing us, and yet we are all sadly, weakly human, and at times we do fail those who trust us... It is in those times we find our trust betrayed that we make a decision, sometimes even subconciously, to extend grace and remain vulnerable with the betrayer, or withdraw and erect walls. Often the deeper the betryal the quicker the withdrawal...
No one likes to be hurt, and the natural, human reaction is to withdraw, for we trust ourselves most of all with our vulnerabilities. And yet, when objectively examining ourselves, we are far from the best, or safest person to protect our vulnerabilities. For, by their very nature, vulnerabilities are weaknesses, our weaknesses, and we think that we are the best resource to protect those weaknesses. In essence, in our weakness we strive to protect our weaknesses... This is why trust is so fragile. we can't protect it, others have broken it, and we become afraid of future hurt out of our past experience. There is only one "safe haven" with our trust, only one who holds it perfectly without fear of failure. Yet we stubbornly hold on in our own strength, or weakness, rather than trust God who is perfect in his love for us, and is perfectly trustworthy.
Another reason some of us find it hard to lay ourselves open to hurt again is because, deep in the recesses of our soul, we recognize our shortcomings, our failures in the area of trust, and we fear if we trust another they will fail us because it's what we may do, or have done. We transfer our weakness on another for that has been our experience, and we don't want to hurt as we may have hurt others.
So how do we rebuild trust? At some point, if we are to overcome our fear of hurt, we must objectively realize we are not the best resource to protect our vulnerabilities. God is the perfect resource, the only unfailing resource. We can trust him to place in our lives the resources, the people who can help us overcome our vulnerabilities, those strong in the area of our weakness. We must be willing to seek them out, to lean on their strength, their wisdom in our area of vulnerability. Then we need to make a conscious decision to extend grace, to forgive the betrayer, to unpack that baggage so that it isn't carried into our next relationship. For, to the extent that we hold onto our hurts, to the extent that we retreat behind a wall, it is to that extent that we rob ourselves that measure of completeness in our next relationship. To be able to fully love we must be willing to be fully vulnerable. To be fully vulnerable means we must be willing to trust again...

Failure...

I'm thought to be an itellegent man, but the more I learn the more acutely aware I am of my ignorance... I'm glad I'm still not too old to learn ... This week's lesson was pretty harsh, but I wish I would have learned it years ago. The lesson? I need to learn to fail quicker.
Have you ever been in a relationship, or in a job, or situation that just seemed doomed to failure? Most of us have, and more often than not we persist in that venture even though we know in our heart of hearts it isn't healthy for us. I'm guilty of this, in my past two relationships, stubbornly hanging in, trying to work out a relationship with someone unwilling to put forth the same effort, the same desire... It takes two people committed to making a relationship work to have a chance at success; if only one is committed you've got your finger in a crumbling dam... So why is it so hard to walk away?
I think stubbornness is part of it; and pride- not wanting to admit failure. Part is comfort of the "known"- being in a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all (is the faulty reasoning)... This fear of being alone and lonely is a powerful enticement to remain in an unhealthy relationship... Yet, if we, if I, would learn to recognize and aknowledge to self unhealthy patterns or relationships and address the problem immediately, if there's no solution or improvement admit failure and move on... How much time and heartache would I have saved myself with this knowledge!
I'm not condoning just walking out at the first sign of trouble; far from it; but walking when the evidence is overwhelming that failure is emminent and success a dream at best...
\ I have found perhaps the perfect relationship; unfettered love and devotion, a desire to please, a love of cuddling, and no arguing at all. Just two kindred spirits, hanging together, enjoying each other, faults and all... It's my dog, Winston, all four pounds of love and devotion...

Soul Terror...

When Adam and Eve first chose to excercise their free will in disobedience of God, when they first ate of the fruit of the tree of knowledge, they seperated themselves from community with God, the very reason for their creation, their reason for being. Since then every human being has been born seperated from the Father, and every human being has a hole, an emptiness, a void that they seek to fill; the void of seperation from community with God. Deep within each of us is the knowledge of good and evil, and within each of us is a free will which allows us to decide what course our lives will take.
The problem comes in when we look into the mirror of our lives, to determine the reflection there, to chart what course we take. Our mirror is flawed, cracked, broken, and the reflection is fragmented and impure. Only God see us as pure, without sin, through the sacrifice of his son Jesus Christ, through the cleansing of his shed bled. When we look we think we know what's best; we think we can find fulfillment and contentment, peace on our own. And we begin our quest to fill that void...
As we strive to fill that void, that darkness in our soul, our internal, subconcious focus is on filling the void in the area of our greatest fear, our "soul terror"; it is that thing that we are most afraid of... For some it is fear of poverty, or lack of success, lack of recognition, for some fear of rejection, desire to be accepted, for some fear of lonliness, ending up their life all alone. Some fear not being loved, some fear lack of security, some fear ignorance; whatever the core of our soul terror, it is there we seek to fill the void. We venture into our darkness, look into our fragmented mirror of our life and seek to fill the void in our power, for our terror is the source of our deepest sin, we think it is too personal to share, so we shoulder the burden alone. We find ourselves seeking fulfillment in success, in our work, acceptance in promiscuity, love in pornography, recognition in our service, security in relationships... Whatever our terror, there lies our darkest fear, our deepest need. We are consumed by the darkness, by our soul terror.
Jesus Christ brought us life, brought us the way to restore community with the Father, to fill the void created by that initial sin. And just as it was an act of free will to sin, to disobey God, it is also an act of our free will to accept the gift of his grace, his forgiveness and restore that fellowship. Jesus was life, and that life was light to men (John 1:4), and he shines into our darkness (v.5), and he faces our soul terror with us, if we allow him. He is our example, our perfect mirror, and when we look at him he is clear and unblemished. As we expose ourselves to him we should seek to follow his example, become more Christ-like. For he is our example; fully God, yet fully human, he lived his life, not through his power as God, but through the power of the Holy Spirit; the same Spirit he promised would be with us always. He showed us how we can live, with the same power, the same abundance, if we submit our free will to the Father, if we choose to obey... We may not have the power ourselves, but God gives us the authority to command his power to overcome our darkness, to live according to his will.
We must learn to hate our sin more than we love it's pleasures, for the pleasure of sin is fleeting, temporal. The repercussions of sin, the guilt, the shame, the embarrassment, the rebellion, the seperation, are far more devestating to our lives than the momentary pleasure of our sin. So why are we so weak, why do we intentionally fail time after time? Because we have not determined to submit, to commit our will to the Father. We stubbornly hold on to that which sets us apart from God, for our view is flawed, our thinking impure. Submission of our will frees us from the bondage of our sin, our darkness, and allows fellowship and community, allows forgiveness and restoration. Submission involves humility; we are arrogant and ignorant, by and large, as a people...

Father, face with me the terror of my soul. You know me at my weakest, at my most vulnerable, my darkest. Help me to face my darkness, in the light of your Son, and help me to overcome those areas that keep me from you. Free in me your power, allow me to grow more Christ-like, to draw upon your Holy Spirit to overcome this world. Nudge me closer, ever closer to you. Amen.

Grace...

I offended someone today, almost a stranger, but not. I made an innocent mistake, but how could they know? I apologized, and realized that saying "I'm sorry" leaves me totally vulnerable to another, to their free will to accept or reject me, despite my sincerity, my heartfelt sorrow... As I pondered the situation I came to better understand how incredibly blessed I am to have a "grace-full" God, who promises to forgive me when I come to him and ask forgiveness for my many blunders.
Extending grace isn't very popular nowadays, for it isn't easy to do, and most often the course of least resistance is followed; be hurt, be angry, strike back, or walk away... Self indulgent responses... If we emulate Jesus Christ we must turn from those self-indulgent desires and learn to forgive. To forgive is to give up our right to get even, to lay aside our hurt for the sake of reconciliation.

God chooses daily to forgive us, and, through the sacrifice of his son, he extends forgiveness and grace. How great is that! And today, a stranger I offended chose to forgive me, to lay aside their offendedness and allow me the opportunity to make things right... How neat is that!

Social context...

It's important to understand the social climate to fully appreciate the teachings of Jesus. All too often we read our Bible and don't get the full impact of Jesus' words because we haven't fully investigated the context in which those words were spoken. Let's look at one example, the parable of the lost (or prodigal) son. just reading the story today we see a son who asks for his inheritance early, and when granted, takes it, spends it, and ends up a homeless person eating pig slop. He realizes his father's servants live better than he, so he decides to head for home and ask for a job as a servant. As he heads for home, while still far off, the father (who watched the road daily) sees him and runs to greet him and welcome him home. He embraces him and honors him and escorts him home where they prepare a celebration feast...
But is this as deep as the story goes? If you were hearing this in Jesus' day several things would be immediately obvious, for they were cultural taboos. First, for a son to ask for his inheritance prior to his father's death was a great insult, paramount to disowning your family. This son, in his discontent and desire to get out from under his father's authority did what would have been considered irreversible in Jesus' day. Still, the father waited, and when the son found himself humbled, destitute, and lost the father ran to him, embraced him, forgave him, and welcomed him home.
Did you catch that, the other taboo? The father ran to him... In Jesus' day those of position, those of social stature never ran; as a matter of fact, the more prestigious you were the slower, and more stately your walk. This man, obviusly a man of wealth and position, forsook all social mores and ran to his son. Looking at this parable in light of the social context in which Jesus spoke it gives us a deeper, more profound sense of the heart of God, the Father. We are loved so much, so deeply, that despite the seemingly unforgivable things we do in the eyes of society it is not enough to seperate us from the love of our God. Wow. And our God doesn't care what anyone thinks of his unconditional love and forgiveness, he's ready to meet us when and where we are, no matter how undeserving we may feel we are. Wow.
Perhaps, if we really want to understand the depth of the message God is giving us, to gain a fuller understanding of His word, perhaps we need to study the contexts; the context of the thought in relation to the passage, and the social context of the day... Just a thought...