Island Community...

I sometimes think I am strong, an island, capable of standing alone through the storms of life. A few months ago I walked away from a woman I love because she was incapable of loving me back, because for any relationship to survive there needs to be a mutuality of giving... It was perhaps one of the most difficult things I've had to do, yet I did it to protect my heart... I thought I could weather the pain and disaster of the situation alone, and indeed I fooled myself into believing I was handling it well, but my God knew better...

A good friend, far better than I could ever have imagined, came from New York to visit me this past weekend, in part because she knew how deeply a wound of the heart can be, for she's grieved through her own. She spent the weekend just being my friend, listening to countless memories from a relationship now dead, mostly just listening and being there, occassionally sharing or counseling out of the experience of her wounds... And I learned once again, I am not an island, I lose something special trying to stand alone. There is nothing more comforting than community when we deal with grief. Our most base response is to squirrel ourselves away, and be alone with our misery. But community allows our grief, our burden to be shared, shared by others who care, who are compassionate and empahetic, and it is lessened, lighter, easier to bear...

I read once that even though we might be living in present pain or disaster that after grieving through our pain we can and will live again. The secret lies in our response to our pain. if we choose to allow it, our pain can narrow the generosity of our heart, and can make us too self-protecting, too careful, or it can make us more sensitive, more helpful, more generous. It all depends on the creative response to our heart, our pain, our grief... I believe that this past weekend I again learned a valuable lesson- community gives us a much better chance of responding positively to such powerful negative emotions and situations... Community gives hope of a better tomorrow, of a brighter future, of the opportunity to live creatively in the present despite pain and grief... So to my friend I give heartfelt "thanks" and an undying gratude for your selfless act of reaching out to me... You are greatly appreciated...

Potpouri Politics...

I have avoided writing politics in my past but in today's economic situation it can't help but creep in sooner or later... I have been following with some interest the plight of our automakers, especially these past several years, because they are a microcosim of our economy. Today they are virtually bankrupt, receiving government bailout monies, and not changing failed practices still.
Years ago our automakers had the opportunity to observe our foreign competitors and change themselves to be competitive. Honda and Toyota were producing better quality products cheaper, better engines that were lighter resulting in more efficiency and mileage, and their plants were half the size and people but turning out the same production. As American automakers tried to modernize and keep up our unions throttled the efforts by bulking at the idea of losing jobs or concessions. GM created a "job bank" for those employees whose jobs were eliminated. They still carried employees who were basically dead weight, plus the cost of retirees' health care and pensions... They spend about 7 billion a year on retired or past employees... Meanwhile our foreign competitors opened factories here, in the US with non-union workers and none of the dead weight. They are leaner, more cost effective, and profitable.
Today Detroit is half the population as in it's glory days in the 1950's. Houses that sold ten years ago in excess of a hundred thousand dollars can be bought for ten thousand or less. The future of our auto industry is in shambles, and the unions still refuse to concede. So what's the answer?

Our current administration (and our elected officials on both sides of the aisle) seems to think bailouts are the answer. My question is: "What problem has ever been solved by throwing money at it?" If history has taught us anything it is that unregulated spending only creates bigger problems. The "temporary social programs" that were instituted in the 1930's to pull us out of the depression has cost our nation hundreds of billions of dollars since, for those temporary programs still exist today with minimal positive effect. Our welfare system is a mess, Social Security has been in trouble for years... "Temporary" programs that threw money at a problem. (Another of many examples: the Department of Energy was established in the early 1970's with one mandate: Reduce our dependence on foreign oil. Today that department employs over one hundred thousand people and spends billions of dollars and we are more dependent on foreign oil than ever).
I believe that giving money to people without the ability to earn it robs them of self-worth, and eventually self-esteem. People who earn their way have a pride in themselves, and a sense of worth. We've stolen that from thousands and thousands of people. If people need money to get through a rough patch I say okay, let's help them out, but let them earn it. Let them feel like they deserve what they're getting.
I also believe that once upon a time unions had a place and a purpose in our society. Today our government has assumed the role that unions once played- keeping business fair. Instead, today unions need to be regulated as much as industry. Today unions have outlived their usefulness and now are strangling free comerce. We cannot compete, as a nation, with other countries if we have to rely on union labor. Unions claim to be for the "worker" but are often more corrupt than any business. There is not the incentive to excel within the structure of the union, for individual effort is not recognized within the union contract. Quality of work is established at the level of the weakest union member. It is the opposite result of the concept of competition for better quality products in a free enterprise system.

Perhaps the answer can be found in the basic tenets of the free enterprise system on which our country was founded. The efficient survive, the inefficient die. Instead of throwing money at the failed policies of our automakers, instead of bailing out the failed practices of our banks let them fail. In their place new, more efficient, better managed and regulated businesses would emerge. And our economy would begin to heal, would strentghen, would lead once again. Instead of throwing money at our problems we should begin to reward excellence again, to pay for incentive. We should allow non-union businesses to grow without being picketed or harrassed by union employees who feel threatened by those who acheive excellence on their own individual merit, who don't rely on the stranglehold of a union contract for "automatic" raaises or advancement.
We should also reduce the size of our government. We have hundreds of thousands of governmental employees, only a small fraction of whom are elected. Our government is highly inefficient and needs to be overhauled. As any industry, the larger it grows the more likely the accumulation of "dead weight" is to occur. And, as any company that desires to be profitable knows, purges are necessary to remain a profitable and viable entity. We are leaving our children and grandchildren incredible debt- much could be allieviated within our lifetime by simply reducing the size of government and purging some of its dead weight...

We won't see any of these changes however, for the very people who need to fix the problem are the very ones who are guilty of corrupting it. To fix our economy right would spell the end of the golden goose that so many politicians have reaped the benefits from... Change takes time; without change to correct the failed policies money is just a tempory "quick fix" and when it's spent the problems remain...
On a more personal level, we need to learn to live within our means. We have lived extravagantly, in the eyes of the world, for a long time. We accumulate debt, not for necessities but for our pleasures. We need to learn to live wisely, to save for difficult times, and learn to curb recreational spending. Or we all better learn to speak Chinese, for they will end up buying all our debt and owning our country...

Spring Thunderstorm...

It's been a long time since I really enjoyed a good thunderstorm... I don't remember the last time I was not working, or sleeping, or otherwise too involved to just listen and enjoy and marvel at the majesty of a good thunderstorm... But today is that day, when I pause my movie and just enjoy the roll of thunder as a backdrop to the tinkle of the waterfall above my fireplace. How content is this, the water bubbling, the flames below dancing, Winston curled up asleep next to the hearth just drinking in the warmth, and thee occassional rumble of thunder to complete the picture... The only thing possibly missing is someone to snuggle up next to me, wanting to be held close as we enjoy Nature's symphony... I know she's out there somewhere; I wonder if she's making her own thunderstorm memory today also?

Never Really Alone...

Tonight I am alone, yet I am not lonely, for I have memories, I have those thoughts of things that bring pleasure, and those memories still elicit good feelings,,,

Satin soft sheets, warm and inviting, feeling butter-smooth as I slip inside...

A fire dancing in the fireplace, or better yet, the smell of woodsmoke and the bite of an autumn breeze on the back of the neck as my cheeks glow rosy by the firepit on the deck...

That first sweetly tart explosion on the tongue as I bite into a chocolate-covered strawberry...

The smell of fresh-cut grass and the satisfaction of a lawn well-done...

The caress of someone special, velvety soft kisses...

The bite of an ice-cold Diet Coke on a hot summer day...

In a canoe, out on the water as day begins. Sitting quietly as the deer come to the water's edge to drink; the hawks saoring high above, fish jumping here and yon around me...

A hug from my daughter...

The tension of a thrilling movie; the spell of a gripping novel...

And so many more tantalizing and teasing my mind. And yet I'm reminded, I'm not really alone, just me and my thoughts, for Winston is cuddled snuggly on my lap...

Agape...

I was reading this morning, in my devotions, about love, and I was reminded again of a truth that I don't think our society has yet embraced, and yet it probably explains so many failed relationships... That truth is that we cannot love until we first learn to receive love. Love is learned; it is not that emotional response to our hormones, true love is not fickle or brittle. Love is fluid, and accepting, and intentional. "We love God because He first loved us" (I Jn 1:9). First we receive, then we give.


Relationally if we expect our mate to give us love then we must first allow them to receive (our) love. Yet I wonder how many people have grown up never really experiencing true love, or agape love, as the Bible calls it. I call it "in-spite of" love. I think there's three kinds of love: "IF" love, "BECAUSE" love, and "IN SPITE OF" love. Most people have a handle on the first two, but few really understand the third. I love you IF you do/act/perform a certain way. Or, I love you BECAUSE you did/said/acted a certain way. Not true love folks. True love says I love you in spite of your words, or actions, or shortcomings. I just love you for you. I accept you without reservation or justification.



How many of us grew up feeling we needed to earn love? Perhaps that is why we are so relationally bankrupt as a society today. Skyrocketing divorce, failed relationships, family breakdowns-unconditional love loves unconditionally, and it overcomes so many relational obstacles. But if we learned we need to earn love then we don't except love until we feel worthy, and our human condition leaves us feeling unworthy. So we never learn to just accept love, so we never learn to give love, to love unconditionally, even as we are unconditionally loved.



I think of times in relationships when I've loved and felt rejected, and I remember how painful that was, and I realized an incredibly painful truth. If indeed there is a God, and if indeed He loved us enough to send his only son to die for the sins of this world- your sin and mine- and if indeed his only condition to that love and forgiveness is our acceptance, can you try to imagine how painful His love must be by the wholesale rejection of this world? Can you imagine that each time someone chooses not to believe in Him, chooses to reject His love, the pain it must cause Him? And still He loves- Agape love, in spite of us. God, please allow me to accept your love and learn to love like you.