The Reality of Relationships...

I've written a number of times that I'm relationally impaired, and sometimes it's done somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but the reality is that in life we don't seem to learn nearly as much from our successes as we do our failures. In that light I am vastly qualified to write on successful relationships, even without regard to any scholastic training I may have acquired. I feel compelled to write today because a young couple I know recently split up, and it bothers me after hearing why.

Relationships are not easy. I've heard people say that "It shouldn't be this hard" and walk away, but the reality is relationships take work. Love is not easy. And there is a huge difference between loving someone and being "in love". When you are "in love" you feel an emotional rush, but love isn't really emotional. Love is time and commitment. Neither of those are emotionally based. Love takes time to develop. It is the growth of friendship beyond friendship. And it is commitment to the other person that you are in it for the long haul. You are not going to bolt at the first sign of trouble, or even if things get "too rough". That emotional rush is hormones, it's infatuation, and that always ebbs and flows. A relationship that loses that "in love" feeling can regain it, but if it loses it's commitment it's doomed...
Love can be (and will be) messy, and sometimes ugly. Why? Because the deeper into a relationship you go the more you are willing to become vulnerable, and with vulnerability you begin to show your "warts" - those things you tend to hide in the dating process. (Just a side note- when dating you should realize that this is as good as it gets, because people tend to put their best side forward when dating...). As you trust your partner more you tend to show more of your insecurities and faults. In a loving relationship these are accepted and compromise is developed. Any successful relationship is gifted in the art of compromise.

I shouldn't really be surprised that this young couple failed in their relationship for one of them lacked commitment from the beginning. I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say a relationship cannot survive without commitment- commitment to the mate, to the relationship, to the family. There is nothing more important than family- and usually we don't learn that lesson until we've lost it. Nothing- not friends, nor profession, nor possessions can ever replace the hole created by the loss of mate or children. Sometimes we rationalize the importance of these other things, but none can measure up to the importance of family...

I haven't said anything new today but sometimes truths need to be repeated, to be remembered. A relationship cannot survive without trust and commitment. If you sabotage the trust and fail to commit you can rationalize all you want, but you killed your relationship. Relationships are two-sided, and it takes both sides working to make it work. If both sides desire the relationship to work then there's always hope- for you are on the same side, the same team. Then it becomes a matter of both parties saying, "This is the barrier that separates us. What can I do to tear down that barrier?" If both parties are trying to remove the barrier it is soon no longer an obstacle. Usually if falls through compromise...Successful relationships learn the importance of compromise...
Food for thought...