The gift via Humility...

I was praying this morning, in the shower, (for I find that is a regular place in my life I can count on), and I had an epiphany- I will not, nor cannot ever, ever be all that God wants me to on this earth, no matter how hard I try, and yet, despite my many, many failings He only sees me as perfect through the blood of His Son... I cannot help but fail and He cannot help but love, and forgive and pour out underserved mercy to me, His child, for that's who I am, and that's who He is. How am I ever supposed to understand the depth of that kind of love? How can I accept such a gift when I’m clearly so undeserving? I can understand the difficulty of those who don’t know Him, trying to grasp His free gift of salvation, for though it is free it comes with such a huge price- first from His Son, Jesus Christ, who died for our sin, my sin, and second from us, from me, for to accept this gift I have to humble myself, and admit I need it, that I am wrong, and am a sinner. Humbling ourselves is never easy, especially for those who have things, for we must admit that we are less than we have worked and striven to prove ourselves to be... Humility is difficult; false humility is easy. To truly humble ourselves, to humble our hearts is where we meet the Father. He is omnipresent, and He is is always at the place of thbroken and tender heart...

Feelings...

"Feelings. Nothing more than than feelings. Trying to forget my feelings of love. Teardrops rolling down on my face, trying to forget my feelings of love... Feelings, feelings like I never lost you, and feelings like I never had you, again in my heart." When Morris Albert first recorded the song "Feelings" in 1974 he touched upon the dichotomy that is our emotions, our feelings.

Emotions are a real conundrum, for we rely on our feelings to guide us, yet there is nothing more unstable, and often faulty as our emotions. All too often we act, not on logic or fact, but on our feelings. We do what feels right, we get in relationships because it feels rights, or we act because our "gut" tells us to. Sometimes we get pensive, even afraid to act, even though logic dictates that is the correct choice. Sometimes we are ambushed by our feelings...

Relationally, we must realize that feelings have validity. Whether right or wrong, if one feels a certain way those feelings are valid and must be addressed. A common mistake, when confronted with "faulty feelings" from our partner, is to get defensive or to point out the error of those feelings. Wrong tactic! Something has triggered those feelings and first the feelings need to be validated, then dealt with (ie. "I'm sorry you feel angry/hurt/betrayed. What did I do that made you feel that way, so I can try to avoid doing so in the future?"). Acknowledging and dealing with the feelings can allow one to get past them to the core issue that truly caused them. Feelings are often a symptom of a deeper core issue or fear that may not even be related to our relationship, but certain words or actions can trigger the faulty response. We can learn these triggers and avoid them (and potential future conflict) by validating feelings and dealing with them effectively.

Recognizing that our own feelings may sometimes mislead us can be huge in both personal and relational growth. Seeing ourselves realistically doesn't make us less of a person, indeed it can help us grow exponentially as a person, helping us to better reach our potential, personally, relationally, and within our own personal world. Food for thought...

Relationships...

I wrote a couple of blogs on inequitable relationships and I am amazed at how many people visit my blog specifically searching out information on just that subject. For many, for the most part, relationships seem to be difficult and yet they really shouldn't be. Yes, relationships take effort, but they shouldn't be difficult, they shouldn't be so much work. So why are they?

I believe relationships tend to be difficult because one or both parties tend to be self-focused, even selfish in what they want out of the relationship. The focus is ME, and how can I meet my needs. When the basis of the relationship is self centered one or both sides get emotionally drained or starved and ultimately the relationship fails. And yet we try again, and again. Why? Because we are afraid to be alone.

Our society breeds loneliness, for it moves at such at rapid, self-gratification pace that we don't take the time to learn how to properly develop relationships. And yet we are social creatures, created for community, so we crave the company of others. We crave intimacy, and yet we don't know how to nurture it. We long to meet our most basic desires without the proper skills for success. We even sometimes find ourselves staying in relationships that are harmful to us because the fear of being lonely is greater than the fear of being abused. And yet, we never learn that there is a difference in being alone and being lonely, for all too often we can find ourselves "lonely" within the context of a relationaship...

So what is the key to a successful relationship? It is the very thing that can create inequitable relationships, if one party or the other remains "self" centered. The key to success is to be "other" centered, to put the good will of the other ahead of ourselves. This is where it takes effort, for we've been programed by society to look out for "me" first. It feels foreign to put another ahead of our wants, but when we learn to do just that we learn how immensely satisfying it can be. There is a certain joy in giving, a satisfaction that is fulfilling. When both parties in a relationship are "other" oriented our needs are unselfishly met, even as we unselfishly meet the needs of our partner. As the relationship grows it becomes increasingly easier to give, especially when we are given to, and the effort becomes easier, rather than more difficult... Relationships don't have to be difficult, if we learn to adjust and adapt our focus off ourselves.

The most successful person in history at relationships was selfless, giving beyond measure, even to the point of sacrificing his very life out of his love for us. There is no greater teacher than Jesus Christ, and emulating Him in our relationships is a receipe for success... Food for thought,,,

Comfort Zones....

We all tend to find areas of life that we are comfortable in and sometimes it's hard to break out of out comfort zones, to challenge ourselves beyond that which is established, or comfortable. Personally, I've found a comfort zone in just being alone. I've had relationships in my past, though not many, and quite honestly I've been hurt, and deeply, in each important relationship I've entered into. Trust, which I consider a vital cornerstone, was broken in all but one, and I find it a little more difficult each time to put myself out there and make myself vulnerable, only to have that trust shattered yet again... What happened to honesty, to integrity? So I choose to be alone, to trust myself alone, but not to trust in another...

Tonight I responded to an e-mail from a friend and found myself writing, "Sometimes it is easier to remain safe than happy". How sad is that! And altogether too true sometimes. I think sometimes we see the risk and forfeit potential happiness all in the name of playing it safe. The potential for hurt doesn't outweigh the potential happiness- in fact the trade off may not even be close- but the potential for hurt does impact our comfort zone. So we pass- on life, on potential happiness, on new and glorious experiences, on the possibility of great new memories to warm us when we grow old... We sacrifice happiness for the sake of safety, of comfort. And we rob ourselves of an abundant life...

Is it better to be safe than happy? I think not, so I have to ask myself, what is holding me back? Why aren't I living out there on the edge grasping for all life has to offer? Well, for now at least, I have an alibi- I broke both bones in my lower right leg last week after slipping on the ice. No jumping or grabbing etc, for a while- Doctor's orders. (I'm such a coward!)

It's all about Attitude...

Some time back my daughter had some friends over and one of them spilled some soda. I proceeded to clean it up while she apologized profusely. I assured her it was just an accident, to which she replied that her dad would have gotten all upset. I told her that all getting upset does is to drain me emotionally, and an accident isn't worth that. My daughter then commented, "Dad wasn't always like that. He's pretty cool that way now". I was surprised and somewhat flattered that she'd paid attention...

Yesterday was a real test to my philosophy that accidents aren't worth getting upset over. I am doing a little painting around the house and while painting the trim around my deck door I tripped over the almost full paint can and fell, also knocking the paint can over- on my expensive oriental rug... I almost got upset, but decided my time was better suited to getting up the paint and trying to save the rug. After about an hour's work, in which I pretty much covered myself in ultra-white trim paint, I was satisfied that the rug was okay and I was too. I returned to my painting and climbed my little step-stool to paint above the door- forgetting a very important fact- and promptly stuck my head into the twirling ceiling fan. A couple of sharp blows to my temple and back of the head sent me tumbling off the stool to the floor once again... Not a good night by anyone's standards. But I didn't get upset. I just decided the house looked good enough for now and put in a movie and sat back in the recliner...

So this morning I came in and found I had little smudges of paint to clean off the recliner. I guess I should have thought and changed out of my paint-covered painting clothes before getting comfy. Okay, if this day continues like yesterday I may give in to those baser desires and really get upset! I hope not, 'cause I believe the quality of life is so dependent on attitude, and the better our attitude the better life looks. Our situation is often defined by the attitude we approach it with. It's all about attitude...

Tough Love...

Tonight I was reflecting on my children, now grown, and the challenges they presented me as a parent as they grew up. There were times that they totally frustrated me, times I wanted to throw my hands up and quit, but through it all I never stopped loving them. Sometimes I didn't want to show it, sometimes I didn't feel like it, but in my heart it was there. My thoughts went to my Father, my Heavenly Father, and I marvel at His love and mercy toward me. I've had so many more years to screw up, to disappoint, and understanding my frustrations as a parent made my appreciation so much greater for the boundless love and mercy God constantly shows us, shows me. Mercy is just undeserved forgivness, Wow.

As I thought of God and His love and mercy I remembered questions people asked like, "Why does God allow bad things to happen?, and, "Didn't God destroy people, especially in the Old Testament? How does a loving God do that?" The second question first- Yes, God did destroy people, but never did He destroy anyone with a repentent heart, with a desire to seek Him out. Peoples that He destroyed, or allowed the Children of Israel to destroy were people who had turned from Him, with hardened hearts, Those that did seek Him he spared, those that repented he heaped his love and mercy upon, just as He does me. Sometimes it takes tough love to get the attention of your children, even to the point of destruction...

As for God allowing bad things to happen, well that's a bit tougher. You see, bad things are not something God desires or orchestrates. They are a result of choice, and a direct result of bad choices we have made. Way back in the beginning God gave Adam and Eve free will, or choice. The choice was simple: obey Him and live in perfect harmony forever with our Creator, or choose to disobey and reap the rewards. Adam made a foolish choice and all mankind pays the price for it. You see, for Adam to choose good the posibility of evil had to exist. For him to choose God the choice to walk away from Him had to exist. And with his choice Adam condemned mankind to a life seperated from a Holy and perfect God. And God, in His mercy, allowed man to die a physical death, so that he might be reborn in heaven a perfect creature once again. God gave us the avenue to undo the wrong Adam did, but it takes death to do it. Tough love, but overwhelming and endless love. Death to gain life. A repentent heart that desires to follow Him again...

Not eveyone believes in Eternal life, or a life after death, but I do. In fact, everyone will experience eternal life- some in Heaven and others in hell. Those who don't make Heaven fall short because they chose to disobey, or ignore, or walk away from God. God doesn't want anyone to go to hell, and I'm sure it breaks His heart every time it happens, but again, that's choice. He desires community with us, but only if we desire it with Him, Free will, choice, unending mercy, and tough love. They're all bundled up together...
Food for thought...

Chicago Bears lose- But I Win!

My Chicago Bears lost today, to their arch-rivals the Green Bay Packers. I watched the game with a friend, and we cheered, and groaned, and lived vicariously through our fallen heroes. I couldn't help but remember the week of hype we went through- the news stories in the newspaper, the nightly TV reports, the stories of fan loyalty and even some violence as people defended "their" teams.

You know, when I stop and remember that these teams are grown men, paid millions of dollars, to play a kid's game a lot of the importance seems to wither and fade in light of things in life that really matter. It really makes all the hoopla seem pretty silly, and feeling bad over a loss by one team or another is pretty ridiculous. I didn't make millions of dollars, nor did I win or lose a game. I'm merely a spectator, cheering and hoping for a winning result, but when the game is over my life carries on, win or lose. My life isn't dramatically affected with a win or a loss.


So tonight I reflect on my Chicago Bears. You lost my friends, and I wish you had won, but I don't feel badly, like I may have in the past. Your loss is part of your life, and you are living the fantasy; being obscenely paid to play a kid's game, your finacial life secure. Win or lose you will go on and play another day. You won't have to get up every day and work like hundreds of millions of others just to make ends meet, you won't have to worry about how the economy will affect your livelihood, for your country is filled with suckers who continue to pay their hard-earned dollars to watch you play. We work, you play. I don't feel bad anymore. So guess what? I think that means whether you win or lose, I've grown up, I've grown past allowing your success or failure to help define my happiness. So I win!


Food for thought...

No Shortcuts...

I was reading Henri Nouwen today and he wrote, "he who has the day will gain the night as well." In essence he's saying that if we spend our time, our days purposefully we it will follow that we will be blessed with a good night's rest as well. Good seed produces good fruit.

Our life is like a seed too. We need to nurture it, to allow it to grow, just likw a tree. And like a tree it takes time to grow, to mature. And yet today we demand results, rather than desire the process, and we aren't willing to put in the time, or the effort, that good character, good fruit demands. Fruit takes time and maturity.

I've written in the past that we are an "instant gratification" society, that we haven't learned to wait for the right timing, but I'm coming to realize that perhaps more than a characteristic of modern society it is a characteristic of the human condition. I read in Acts, chapter 8, the story of Simon the Sorcerer, and how he believed the preaching of Phillip, and later Peter and John, but wasn't willing to take the time to allow his faith to grow. Instead, he offered the disciples money for the power of the Holy Spirit... Faith takes time, the power of the Holy Spirit is magnified with maturity... From the early days we've sought instant gratification.

We too often desire the mature fruit with little regard or focus on the process it takes to produce that fruit. We want the results without the pain, without the demands of walking that road of obedience that produces that fruit. We desire well-being but don't care for our bodies; we desire inner peace but refuse to be honest and transparent that inner peace demands. We want the results without the work. I planted fruit trees when my kids were small; it was at least five years before we saw any fruit, yet every year we pruned and watered and cared for our trees. Now, many years later, every summer we are blessed with the fruit of our early labors- (or the deer, squirrels, and racoon are anyway!). Anything worthwhile is worth waiting and nuturing...

Food for thought...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

As 2010 closes I have just a few thoughts to leave you with...

First, Happy New Year, and may 2011 be your best year yet!

There is no key to happiness. The door is always open; we just have to choose to walk through...

Silence is often misinterpreted, but is never misquoted...

A grudge is a heavy load to carry...

Growing old is inevitable; growing UP is optional...

Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging...

He who dies with the most toys is still dead...

The most important things in your house are the people...

And last, Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape!

Thank you all who take the time out of your busy schedule to read my thoughts; I appreciate the investment of your time, and am grateful for your input. May 2011 be awesome for you all!

No Excuses...

Sometimes I feel wholly inadequate in my Christian walk. Around others I can "be spiritual", I can talk the talk and walk the walk, even if I don't feel it; in fact I've learned that every facet of the Christian life can be faked, if you will, except one- prayer. Everything else is basically a man to man experience, but prayer is man to God, and I just can't fool God. When I pray my heart has to be right, my self has to be totally and completely honest, for He knows the truth anyway...

So I tell Him, I just don't feel worthy, I just don't feel spiritual all the time, and I often feel inadaquate... And He reminds me that I am not worthy, that I am saved through His grace, and His love, And His mercy. I'm not called to be "spiritual", but to be honest, and transparent, and true to His message, for I am not the message, I'm just the messenger. As for feelings of inadaquacy, He reminds me of some of those giants in our faith:

Abraham and Sarah, considered themselves too old,

Noah, who had a drinking problem,

Issaac the daydreamer,

Jacob the liar,

Rahab the prostitute,

David, who had an affair and had the husband murdered,

Elijah, who was suicidal,

Jonah, who ran from God,

Peter, a common fisherman who denied Christ,

Moses with his speech problems,

Joseph, the abused,

Martha the worrier,

Zaccheus, who was too small,

Paul, the persecuter and persecuted,

the multi-divorced Samaritan woman,

or John the Baptist, the bug-eater, and He reminds me that it isn't what I can do for Him that matters, it's what He can do through me if I only make myself available...

So Father, please grant me the ability to love the people I cannot change, and the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to recognize that the one is me... Amen.

Food for thought...

Cruising vs the Nursing Home...

As I was showering this morning my thoughts turned to an upcoming cruise I'm taking my folks on, and then I began to mentally compare nursing home sevices versus those on a cruise ship. The latest survey of nursing home costs puts it at $70,080 per year, or about $192 per day. Conversely, I can do a six-day cruise for $250-300, or $50 per day. For sake of argument let's say the cost of a cruise doubles over the next few years while nursing home care remains fiscally constant. Let's look at what I get for HALF the money...

I can have TEN meals a day if I can only waddle to the restaurant or buffet, or I can have room service (breakfast in bed every day!).

I have workout rooms, steam rooms swimming pools, hot tubs, spas, washers and dryers, Vegas quality shows every night, a casino, plus much, much more...

I get free toothpaste, razors, soap, and shampoo...

My towels and sheets are changed daily and I don't even have to ask!

If there's a lightbulb out, or the TV goes on the fritz, want a different mattress, no problem- they fix it right away and apologize for the inconvenience.

I get to meet new people every 7 to 14 days.

I'm treated like a customer, not a patient. Staff scambles to help.

And best of all, I"d get to see South America, the Carribean, Austrailia, New Zealand, Europe, Tahiti, Mexico, or where-ever I might want to go!

I'm thinking there's not going to be a nursing home in my future. Look for an old guy hanging at the rail taking in the glorious sunsets. I can't think of a drawback to this plan - (if I fall and break a hip in a home I go on Medicare; if I fall and break a hip on a cruise ship I get upgraded to a suite- probably for life!). So I think I'll cruise 'til I die- then it's a burial at sea- No charge!

Food for thought!

Anger...

Anger is thought to be a negative emotion, often portrayed as a "bad" thing, but I don't think it gets a fair rap in the world of emotions. Anger itself isn't bad, but how we allow ourselves to respond to our anger is where we often fail. There's many instances of anger in the Bible, but as I studied one particular one, the story of Jesus in the Temple (John 2:12-25), I realized that if Jesus gets angry then anger itself isn't wrong.

There are ways to respond to anger. Some people just explode, giving reign to their emotions, and no one is safe from their wrath. Very harmful and detrimental to any possible conflict resolution. Others choose to try and stuff their anger, to bottle it up, but this is just as harmful and the explosive response.

Jesus was upfront with his anger, he confronted the situation openly and positively, not in an explosion of rage or a suppression of his feelings. We too can be angry, but be open with our anger, deal with the situation immediately in a positive and appropriate manner, and anger is not a detriment. Relationally, the key is to be open, to communicate your anger, pain, or frustration, but in a positive manner, so that resolution is quickly possible...

Food for thought...

P.S. OH, and Merry Christmas to All!!!

Character, and other thoughts...

Webster's defines "Character" as a distinctive mark, quality, trait or attribute; moral strength, self discipline, fortitude; a [good] reputation. As a matter of fact Webster's has alot to say about character- listing over 16 different definitions. But I think there's a simpler definition for my simple mind. Character is simply who you are when no one else is watching.

If you want to gage your moral strength, if you wonder about your level of self discipline, if you really want an introspective into yourself just stop and evaluate what you do in your "alone time". That is who you are. Many people think that who they are around other people defines them, but that is a facade that can be put on and taken off at will. What other people think of you doesn't define the real you, the core you- what God thinks of you defines you and that is who you are when there's no one watching- except Him. (We often forget that!)

I think we are a "relationship starved" community nowadays. Everything is so fast; fast foods' drive-throughs, ATM's, you get the picture- but one thing that cannot be fasttracked is relationships. Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of friendship, and friendship isn't something that can be rushed. It is built over time and through experience, and those can't be rushed... Still people jump into relationships without really knowing the person they've picked as their partner, then they're amazed it didn't work out, and they become more calloused and jaded toward the "next time". I think we need to slow down our world and let our society catch up... Relationally, the investment of time and experiences are paramount for success...

Food for thought...

The Relational Value of Time...

Time is the one thing that everyone has exactly the same amount of everyday, yet it is the one thing no one knows exactly how much of we have left... Relationally, time is the key element that allows a relationship to transcend from that infatuous, puppy love stage into a more mature true love. Time and commitment. Yet time plays a more far-reaching role in relationships that we must be aware of.

Part of my job is negotiating, and through the years I've found I've become a very adept negotiator. I've also learned a few things about negotiating, and it came to mind that much of the communication in any successful relationship is based on a couple's ability and willingness to negotiate effectively with each other. Successful relationships are often characterized by a flow of give and take. The ability of a couple to keep a relative balance in that flow allows for the continued success of that relationship. When it gets skewed, or out of balance, when one partner repeatedly wins at negotiating, the relationship suffers.

Time plays an important part in negotiating, for time intensifies pain. The longer one side stalls, the more time is invested, the more pain for the other. At some point, if a compromise is not reached, one side will throw up their hands and claim it all a waste of time. And be hurt, and angry. And the relationship suffers. I think this was the thought process when Jesus said not to let the sun go down on your anger. Resolve things. Don't allow time to create festering. Winning is never worth the price of relational disharmony, for ultimately even the winner loses when there's relational dysfunction... (One current Psychologist I recently read had this advice for men when it came to arguments with their spouse: "Do you want to be right, or be happy?")

With time, this realization has mellowed me, in both the workplace and the home. No longer am I a hardcore, win-at-all-costs negotiator, nor longer is winning what is important. Let the other side win occassionally and negotiating becomes easier and easier, for each side learns to give and take, and over time trust grows, over time the relationship strengthens, over time it just keeps getting better...

Food for thought...

Inequitable Relationships II...

Almost every relationship is an inequitable relationship in some sense, for two individuals are never the same and never bring exactly the same thing to the table. Inequitable relationships are not necessarily all bad, but there are cases where one must be dilegent or end up hurt...

The most common abuse found in an inequitable relationship is in emotional commitment. These are very delicate and tricky waters to navigate, because so much of the emotional growth of a relationship depends on those involved being willing to become vulnerable and open for love and commitment to have fertile soil in which to grow. However, when there is inequity in the level of commitment whichever partner is more deeply vested, is more vulnerable, they are the one who is at risk for the greatest potential hurt. The partner with the greatest vulnerablity has the most to lose. If one realizes this within the context of the relationship the natural tendency is to hold back commitment, to retreat from opening up, to allow our partner to act first. The result is twofold: the partner who withholds gains "control" in the relationship, and the opportunity for deeper positive emotional growth is stunted.

It is tricky, as I earlier stated, because for a relationship to grow, to experience the possibility of the depths of love and commitment, someone must step up and be willing to make themselves vulnerable first, thus opening themselves up to the possibility of hurt if their partner doesn't reciprocate. If neither party is willing to act first the relationship will not grow, and in the end, things that don't grow stagnate, and things that stagnate die. There are no roots to sustain the relationship when it falls upon difficult or rocky times, and it dies. If only one partner opens up then the other is in a position of control, and that opens up the potential for emotional abuse. While being in a position of control may seem to work for a while in the long term it will create feelings of frustration, withdrawal, and mistrust. Ultimately, without reciprication, the relationship dies.

Mistrust forms when we open up, when we offer something personal or private, and our partner doesn't reciprocate. Our mentality is "I share- you share" and if that doesn't happen we tend to withdraw, often subconsciously, because we have exposed our inner selves without getting emotional assurances in return. When one returns something personal or private it reinforces our bond and builds a desire to share again. This is cyclical, aand leads to deeper trust and emotional intimacy, and the relationship grows...

It is so paramount for emotional equity within a relationship, for it is the foundation for any successful relationship. Emotional equity fosters trust, and trust fosters communication. Love is grand, but no relationship can survive on love alone. There must be trust to sustain it when the emotion of love ebbs or fades, and there must be communication to foster the trust. Relationships with emotional equity can often sustain themselves dispite other inequites within the relationship, for the couple trusts, and can talk through other issues. Love is emotional, true love takes time and commitment, and that's the fruit of emotional equity...

Food for thought...

Tired of Taxes...

Margaret Thatcher once said, "The problem with Socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people's money." I am increasingly bothered by our politicians' notion that they have first rights to my money. As the debates rage over tax rates, tax cuts, tax increases, luxury taxes, gasoline taxes, payroll taxes, personal income taxes, sales taxes, medicare, medicade, FICA, regulatory taxes, utility taxes, property taxes, excise taxes, business income taxes, unemployment taxes, et al- all of which I pay, and you probably do too, I have to ask, when is enough enough? Why does the Government have the "right" to my wage, the compensation to my hard labor? I understand the need to support our country, but at some point we've got to draw a line...

Clearly there is a danger of over-taxing those who earn a wage, who create wealth, to compensate those who rely on the government for their daily necessities. There is a class of people in our country now who create no wealth, who pay little or no taxes, who's main contribution is to draw their sustinence off the wealth of others. The cronic unemployed, those second- and third-generation welfare families are several examples, are people who have learned to work the system and live without contributing. And these groups continue to grow at an alarming rate. At some point there won't be enough "wealth creators" to sustain these people, or as Margaret Thatcher so succinctly reminded us, you run out of other people's money...

The problem is, aside from the all too scary shift from Capitalism to Socialism, is that welfare strips us of our pride. We are made to create, to work, to produce. Work produces pride. When we get something for nothing, and continue to do so over an extended period of time, we are stripped of our self-worth, our self-esteem, and our desire to work is replaced by a sense of entitlement. We come to expect something for nothing, and those who continue to work must shoulder an even heavier load so the government can tax and redistribute the wealth (ie. Socialism). The Government wants people dependent on them because dependency equals control, and the more people the Government controls the greater the power it can weild...

So what can we do? I suggest we need to return to the ideals of our forefathers. Federal government should concentrate on the defense of our country. That is the main mandate of the Federal Government. Allow the states and local governments to run their own states- for we are the United States, by name a group of independent states united by common goals and laws. Let the distribution of welfare be handled by the Church, or private organizations, as in the past, where people can receive aid, but also guidance and direction. It has worked for decades without government interference, as exemplified by the Red Cross, the Salvation Army, et al. We are a generous and giving people by nature, but resentful when government forces our generosity...

We need to re-instill pride in our people. If someone needs help then allow them to work for that help, so there will be a sense of something earned rather than something entitled. We need to reduce the size of government, first by cutting those departments and peoples who fail to meet their mandates (ex. The Department of Energy was formed under President Carter to decrease our reliance on foreign oil. Today there are 38000 employees in the DoE and we are more reliant than ever on foreign oil. Disband the department). The department of Education should be shut down and the control returned to states and cities to run. We could go down the list and cut about 2/3 of the government payroll as deadwood or not meeting mandates they were created for.

Want to really fix healthcare? Two steps: First, nationalize the regulations that health care providers adhere to. Right now every state has their own regulations. Most insurance companies can only operate in specific states that they qualify in; level the playing field by making all regulations the same and you will create more competition, and thus more competitive costs and pricing. Second: take away the "golden goose" healthcare plan we pay for for our congressmen and make them buy insurance like we do and they'll fix any other problems. There is a greater interest in fixing problems when they directly affect you in a personal way. (Take away the pension plan and put our congressmen on social security for their retirement too).

In conclusion, I think we need to simplify tax rates, reduce the size of government, hold political apointees accountable, and allow states to govern themselves again. Level the playing field to allow competition, and keep the government out of private industry. Our government has no business running car manufacturers or running health care, etc. Take note, Barrak, of Margaret's words, for their truth has not yet been evident to you... Food for thought...

The State of Vulnerability...

"Only weak people allow themselves to be hurt." Ouch. I heard that and cringed... A few thoughts....

I written in several past posts about vulnerability, (and you can call them up thru the search function and read those thoughts, if interested), especially about vunerability's relationship with our ability to love deeply and completely. The relationship between our ability to experience true love and our ability let down our emotional walls, to put ourselves out there, is unquestioned. However, many people view vulnerability as a weakness, because vulnerability can lead to hurt, and allowing ourselves to get hurt is viewed as a sign of weakness. I beg to differ that point: to intentionally open ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt so that we might obtain a deeper, more encompassing, more fulfilling love is not weakness. No, the state of being vulnerable shows strength- of emotion, of will, of character. To face the possibility of pain for the greater gain is noble, while retreating behind emotional walls, closing onesself off from the possibility of hurt and the surety of deeper love, is the act of a coward.

People who say that they've been hurt in their past and don't want to risk hurt again as an excuse to withdraw are really saying that they took a chance in their past and it didn't pan out the way they wanted so now they choose to just exist emotionally instead of taking a chance on living, on experiencing the joys and excitment life has to offer. Existence vs life. An emotional fortress vs vulnerability. The choice is ours; are we strong enough to make it?

Delayed Gratification...

I'm bothered by alot theses days; gone are the carefree days of youth, and in their place I find a deep sense of responsibility... Not all bad but not nearly as fun as my younger days. It occured to me, during one of these "responsible pauses" that a great deal of our financial troubles as a nation is a result of our loss of a very important concept- Delayed Gratification.

We have become a nation, no a world, of peoples demanding instant gratification. The video posted a few blogs below pretty much says as much in a humorous way, but don't miss the message because you're laughing... We are a people of "I want", and want it now, and as a result we manipulate our finances, our circumstances, our lives to get it now. And that is unhealthy in ALL areas of life. Learning to delay gratification, to wait until we can afford, or fully appreciate, or handle our wants is far more healthy. As a country we could learn to curtail our spending, to balance our budgets, to simplify our lives again, and become healthy as a nation. All too often we pursue what we want only to find that, after getting it, it really isn't what we want, and even worse, need. Had we waited, and truly assessed our needs versus our desires we very well might have passed on it altogether...

This current generation is expected to be the first that will not be better off than the one before. Why is that? They have the latest in technology, they buy the desires of their hearts until their credit is maxed out, they get what they want, when they want. In a word, this generation is spoiled, and spoiled rotten. More twenty- and thirty-somethings find themselves BACK living at home, trying to get back on their feet, trying to re-establish themselves, trying to save money to pay off debt, than any other generation in history. Why? They never learned the art of "Delayed Gratification".

Let's look at the grandparents of this generation: Hard working, loyal, and frugal. Our grandparents knew the value of money and spent only when they could afford to. They delayed their desires until they could afford them, thus appreciating them all the more, because they were EARNED. Today nothing is earned. It's bought on credit, often sold with more owing than it's worth, only to add to an accumulating debt. Young people don't unserstand "saving for a rainy day". So where was the breakdown? It's in the parents of this generation- and the cultural breakdown we experienced in the sixties and early seventies when children becoming of age rebelled against their parents and those ideals that made them strong. Those ideals were viewed as restrictions and a whole "do what you feel" culture was born. Out of it came irresponsibility- financial, cultural, personal irresponsibility. The tenets of our forefathers were cast to the wayside and a new, far more amoral, irresponsible culture arose. Today we are paying the price with a generation of spoiled, over-indulged, underprepared, "non-contributing zero(s)", (as the comedian below labeled them).

We will not rise out of our current situation until we re-learn the art of Delayed Gratification. We need to re-learn loyalty, and responsibility, and fiscal restraint, personally and as a nation. The grass is always greener over the septic tank, but there's a bunch a crap you can't see below the surface. It isn't always wise to pursue "greener pastures" until you dig down a little, investigate, and make sure you aren't pursuing a load of , well you know... Delayed gratification can and will help us avoid alot of mistakes, if we're willing to take the time to re-learn this lost art...

Food for thought...