Monday, August 22, 2011

Relationship Killers #5: Failure to Communicate...

Breakdowns in communication are often a major factor in the failure of relationships. The question isn't so much why communication breaks down, rather what is the reasons behind the lack of communication, for anyone can learn to communicate- it becomes a matter of the will to do so. Communication is not just learning to say how you feel or what you think, it is also learning to constructively listen to our mate and respond appropriately. Communication can be learned, but it isn't effective until desired.

People handle their emotions in different ways. Some wear their emotions on their sleeve, and need to address issues immediately. They're usually the "exploders", who go off and then feel better. Then there's the "stuffers", who just take everything in and compact it, like a trash compactor, until it's too full and garbage can't help but leak out... And there's the "stealth bomber", who takes all the heat, then, usually on the way out, takes a shot back and disappears... None are healthy ways to deal with our emotions, and all lead to a failure to effectively communicate.

To effectively communicate we need to get past the emotions of the situation and deal with the issue. Sometimes that means just walking away for a time, to let emotions cool, and then attempting to address the issue when things are calmer. But it isn't healthy to just walk away without communicating anything- that could be misconstrued as you are walking out on the relationship/ issue/ person... It needs to be clearly stated that, for the good of our rellationship, perhaps we need a couple hours to cool off, or a day, weekend, etc. Everyone cools off differently, but trying to address an emotion-charged issue is almost always a lose-lose proposition...

Anyone can learn to communicate effectively. It is a choice to learn to do so, or else to continue to fail in this critical area. People who choose not to learn to listen, and to share their feelings are usually demonstrating a passive aggression towards their mate and relationship, which will ultimately result in failure... Food for thought...

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